Adoptees: How do you feel about your adoptive parents?

Question

Mine are nice.

I think my experiences were overall positive.

I still have issues with adoption and being adopted.

How about you?

Answer 1

My adopted parents adopted me, my brother and then had my little brother.  I always felt like my parent's biological child was their favorite.  I have never felt a close bond with my parents; I have always felt disconnected from them.  I believe being adopted has affected many relationships in my life.  I do have abandonment issues.  

I tried to contact my birth mother in 2002, but she did not want to have any contact with me, nor would she give me any medical history.  Although I respect her wishes, I cannot say that I was not hurt at the time and still hurt a little, but I believe what happened must have been for the best.  I grew up looking in the mirror and seeing nothing...a blank faced person...who never knew who she looked like.  I still feel that way today.  For the most part I have moved forward, but I still think of my birth mother every year omn my birthday (Christmas Eve) and wonder if she thinks of me.

I think at the very least adoptees have the right to their medical history.  Every time I go to the doctor and they ask for my medical history I have to write, "adopted- unknown" and it drives me crazy!  As I mentioned above, I do believe my birth mother had the right to say no to a reunion, but I wish she would have at least given me more medical history than she did, she told the social worker, "Tell her she has nothing to worry about."  Oh, okay, no worries then, ha!  I suffer from depression and anxiety and perhaps it could be hereditary?

Answer 2

I am not adopted but i did have a step father who longed to adopted me .. but my birth father would not let him . I do not know my birth father all that well and i do think it is for the best . My stepfather was i great man who loved my with all his heart i would never want to take the title of My Dad away from him in any way . i do how ever know what it is like to have a pice of your self messing for i know nothing about the 1/2 of me that is my birth father . I do not blam my step dad for this because he did every thing he could to make shur i know my birth father ..even to the point of driveing me all the way to alabama every summer so i could see him .. yet my birth father never took the time to get to know me .. the sad thing is last year i lots my grandfather on the birthfathers side of my family and when i went to his furnal i was there to morn a man i did not know so the tears comeing down my face where not for the lose of a grandfather but for the lose of know i would never get to know him ..

life is full of thing like this when my step father passed away my singel mother adopted 3 childern and rasied us all on her own i know have 3 wounderful siblings and 8 beautful nices when i talk to my silbling about there adoption all they can say i i wished mom could have adopted me sooner .. she is there mom and thats all that matter to them

Answer 3

I hate my adoptive mother and I am not happy with my adoptive father. My adoptive mother said she hated me to my face. She abused me from the day she got me. I never felt loved, appreciated, important or protected. I never felt validated as a human being either because I could never know my own people and I was forced to think it wasn't important which was a lie. We had an older female babysitter who told me she wasn't protective too but in my day, I wasn't protected either by current child abuse laws. Most adoptive mothers take their rage and unhappiness out on the adoptee because they think adopting a baby will get rid of the bad feelings of not being able to have one, but then they find even after they get another woman's baby, those bad feelings are still there and they still are not in the real motherhood club. We adoptees pay for that in so many ways. Our lives are not important, nor are our feelings, according to screwed up and abusive society, because we have been bought and used to make barren women feel less like losers, but they still feel that way even after we are bought. No child should have this burden placed on them and all adoptees in the USA should sue the American government and the adoption agencies for the emotional trauma being bought and adopted causes. Many adoptees deny they were not happy either because they just want an inheritance from their adoptive parents, so they lie about being happy. Many Pro-Adoption people who post here on Yahoo too, saying they are adopted and are very happy are really social workers, people from the NCFA, Adopters, and adoption agency employees.

Answer 4

I love my father, he was not and still is not perfect but neither am I and neither is anyone else I know. I do not hold him up to higher standards because I am adopted. I love him he is my father and my children's grandfather. I did have some issues about it when I was told at 17 but I was able to work through most of them although some feelings of being unwanted still linger but those are because my bio-father did not want me. I refuse to blame the man who worked daily so see that I had everything I needed and most of what I wanted. I refuse to blame to man who dresses up as Santa and dressed me up horribly for school pictures when I was in third grade cause my mom was sick, I refuse to blame him for something he did not do.. He loved me, he still loves with all my faults and all my flaws, just as I love him.

Answer 5

I love them!  HANDS DOWN!  My father has passed now, 14 years.  I grieve for him still today.  Wonderful parents, could not have chosen better if I had the chance.

I'm with you though.  I still have issues with the adoption.  Mine was closed and sealed many years ago.  I have lost natural siblings.  They exist, but know nothing of them.  

These things have no bearing on the love for my family though.  They gave me the world and I am blessed.

Answer 6

for a very long time I hated my adoptive parents for alot of the stuff I went through living with them. But after meeting my bio parents I appricate them alot more. I went through alot of stuff before I was adopted due to my bio-mother. I still don't condon alot of my parents behaviors while raising me but I thank them for trying. They are the ones who taught me right from wrong let me learn from my own mistakes and and I am the person I am today because of their postive influences.

Alot of people who are adopted have a problem of some sort about it. And alot of people blame there adoptive parents for every wrong ever done maybe because they don't have anyone else to blame.

Answer 7

I prefer my dad over my mum too actually, could be something to do with the fact that I developed a bond with my birth mother before I was taken away. My birth mother didnt want me to be taken away but I had to because of her circumstances. My adoptive parents love me and support me, they were a bit overprotective, but probably because I'm their only child. I respect them and I care a lot about them. But I dont have the same love for them as I do for my own birth mother and other people that I have known that were close to me. I thank them for providing me with a big room and lots of presents at christmas and birthdays and big meals. Somehow no matter what they gave me though, didnt fill that void left behind though.

I think adoption needs to be recognised as a loss. It's as serious or equal to a child losing its parents in a car accident when they are a baby, but it just seems as if adoption isnt portrayed to be that horrific. I think that if my parents had recognised that it was as if my parents had died, gone and it was a serious loss to me, I would have felt better towards them. Instead I lost trust in them and felt that anything I shared about being adopted with them they didnt listen to or respect or even acknowledge.

Answer 8

i prefer my father over my mother.

Answer 9

I am indifferent towards them. They are not in my life, and I want to keep it that way.

Answer 10

I adore my adoptive parents - you won't find any better;

which is why I just hate it when people say I must've had a 'bad experience' just because I am sad at losing my first mother and take issue with the current ethics (or lack thereof) in present day adoption practises

Answer 11

i do believe that any adoptee will have issues with adoption as theres always a part of your life missing.

i was adopted by my grandparents and couldnt ahve wished for two better parents.

they gave me a wonderful home and all the love and care you could wish for,i love them very dearly for that and miss them terribly(they passed away 4 years ago),

i do have some issues still with adoption,

Answer 12

In a twist of sad fate - my adoptive father died tragically just before my first b'day.

(ironic - that I was given away because my mother was unmarried - and then I ended up being raised by a single mother - laughable really!)

Anyway - I never really knew my a-dad.

My a-mum and I were pretty close - as are my two sibs (their bio kids).

Sadly she died when I was 18 from cancer.

I love and miss her greatly.

She did an amazing job of raising 3 kids on her own.

I regret that she didn't have the information that is out there today about what an adoptive child needs - such as information of bio family - and contact if possible.

That's what I really craved for and missed.

And mum said it upset her when I asked questions.

That was probably THE harshest thing she ever said to me.

She made it about her - not about me - the child - the hurt and damaged one.

And for those moments - she forgot that she was the adult - the one who should be supporting the child.

But no one told her how much that would hurt me - she just didn't know.

Adoptive parents need to be given all the facts if they are to fully nurture an adoptive child.

And not make the same mistakes over and over again.

Mine were not.

But I still miss and love my mum every day.

That's just how it is.

Answer 13

My adoptive mother, who was also my paternal grandmother, was the greatest. I loved her with all my heart. I think she was a fantastic mother. I still have issues from being separated from my mother though, and I still believe children should remain with their parents if at all possible. I believe, well, actually I know, that negative feelings about adoption can be totally separate from our feelings about our adoptive parents, adoptive families and the lives we led. My life was great. I still don't believe adoption is all sunshine and roses even if I did have a positive experience.

If my parents had died and I'd gone to live with someone else I could've still had an amazing life with amazing new parents, but it wouldn't change the fact that I'd be sad my parents died and would wish that no other children had their parents die.

Answer 14

i had a goo dupbrining and i think my parents were great. i have no issues met my real blood sisters and talked to my biol father several times and i know i am better off and i was the lucky one.

Answer 15

I love my adoptive parents and will never consider them anything other than my natural parents. I was adopted at birth and didn't learn of being adopted until I was about 10. I have never wanted to find my real parents, didn't really want to put them through something they were never really prepared to handle. I have never had a problem with being adopted or any issues relating to that. I just figure that I got lucky, got great parents and don't feel the need to rehash anyone else's past. They to me will always be considered my mom and dad no matter what!

Answer 16

My adoptive parents, though they wanted a family very badly and had all the superficial qualities that people believe it takes to raise a child, were woefully inadequate.  In fact, they were woefully damaging to me and my adoptive sister.

I said in another answer on Y!A Adoption, the adoption agency thought my adoptive parents were awesome.  What the agency overlooked is that my adoptive father was a controlling and cruel misogynist because he felt he was abused by his mother and sister when he was a young man.  He took his revenge out on me and my sister.  They also overlooked my adoptive mother's insanity and narcissism.  She wasn't capable of raising a puppy.

These, by the way, are completely separate issues from the damaging effects of separating infants from their mothers.  One can have fab adoptive parents and still suffer from separation and identity issues.  

If adoptive parents don't recognize, acknowledge, validate, and ADDRESS the child's initial trauma of separation, all the love in the world can not mitigate that damage.  And those adoptees will carry that damage into adulthood and for the rest of their lives.

Answer 17

I love them, but it is very complicated for me, even though they did not ask me to, I felt very badly that they never had a biokid and subsequently guitly for not being this.

I don't blame them for this feeling, I think it was just my nature to want to heal them.

I couldn't, and I think that has been a struggle for me to come to terms with.

Answer 18

I love them.  I was always closest to my dad.  He died a few weeks ago and it feels like the end of the world to me.  

I think I understand you.  My feelings about my adoptive parents (unconditional love) have nothing to do with my feelings about closed records infant adoption (I don't like it, and it made my life uneccesarily difficult).

Answer 19

agreed isabel.

Answer 20

I feel that getting them was random, luck-of-the draw stuff.

I also feel that they would have been interchangable with other strangers. The details would have been different but my longing for my real family would be just as huge.