Adoptees: How many of you were lied to by your adoptive parents?

Question

I'm wondering how often adoptees are lied to by their parents regarding the day they were born, their place of birth - etc. I've heard this happens quite often so the children are unable to find their biological parents. Has this happened to you?

Answer 1

All of them.. with in the fist 5 seconds I was in their big nice home....

........."Welcome to your new home"

And it just goes on and on...

from as far back as I can remember till just not to long ago..

I can't really think of anything they were truthful about come to think of it....

Answer 2

I've heard lots of horror stories "through the grapevine" or "a friend of a friend of a friend", but personally, no. My parents told me what they knew. It may not have been accurate in some cases, but that wasn't their fault.

Answer 3

im sure they could lie about where you were born but how could they lie about the date they have to have a birth certificate. right...If you parents love you and care for you why would you want to find the ppl who gave you away? appreciate you have a loving family..just because 2 ppl made you doesnt necessarily make them parents..ppl who love and raise and care for you for all those years are your parents...

Answer 4

They never lied to me.

Frankly I don’t see the point in lies as they will often come out.  Its wrong to lie to anyone, I'm sure there are some parents who tell their child what they believe to be the truth, things that they were told themselves if that information turns out to not be true well thats not the adoptive parents fault.

Answer 5

Not me, my parents told me everything they knew, which wasn't much.

But a good friend of mine was given the birth date and name of the baby they'd had but died.  He only discovered this after they  had both passed so couldn't even confront them with it.

Answer 6

I was told they "chose me because I was the only baby who smiled at them."  That's a lie, because you don't choose the baby like a pet at the pound; you buy a baby and the one that is availible goes to you.

Answer 7

Not me said the bee.

Answer 8

My parents didn't lie to me... they told me what they thought was the truth.

the AGENCY however lied to them, to my birth mom, to me, and to my lawyer.

Answer 9

I think this used to be more common back when we were kids and before, not so much nowadays. My step-daughter was adopted and hers was a closed adoption so my husband only has her birthdate and place of birth, but he always told her he would help her find her birth parents when she was ready. She said she wasn't interested in finding them. Then our grandson was adopted 4 years ago. It was an open adoption. His birth mother attends the same church as his adoptive parents (my other step-daughter and son-in-law).

Sue :-)

P.S. Adoptionisad...It depends on where and how long ago you were adopted. Parents used to be able to choose their baby. I have known people who did. And even now, that happens sometimes with foreign adoptions.

Answer 10

Hi liddabet,

Yes, I have heard of many, many cases of adoptive parents changing information and lying in attempts to sever all ties to the natural family, monopolize the adoptee's love, and/or to impede reunion efforts later.  That practice was actually encouraged by adoption agency workers.  This was particularly common during the baby scoop era although it is not unheard of today.  In general there was far more fear and misunderstandings about adoption back then.  

I'm not sure which state it is that allows for changing someone's birthday within 3 days either way of the actual date he/she was born.  As if birthdays are not bad enough for adoptees already!

I, too, was lied to by both the State and my adoptive parents.  Complete name was changed and lied about.  City of birth was actually changed to another one on my amended birth certificate.  There were other lies as well told about family members that I will not get into here.  All those efforts still did not prevent me from reuniting with my natural family.  

It would have been very difficult to locate my natural family if not for International Soundex Reunion Registry. (ISRR)  I always recommend that adoptees register with them first when they begin their searches.  See link below.

To answer your question, no, it's not a good feeling to be lied to or to have one's record of birth tampered with.  Good luck if you are a searching adoptee or if you are searching for an adoptee.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 11

They passed on lies from the agency.  One was my weight (9#, really) and they said 8.10.

The one that really bothered me was telling my parents that my mother 'was one of the youngest' that they'd had, when in reality she was 22, one of the oldest.

My guess is that these were red herrings.

Answer 12

I've expressed before that my adoptive parents were extremly abusive.

Amongst the many lies they told the one that they use to like to ram into my head the most was that my biological mother was an extreme drug abuser. They'd tell me that she'd leave me with other people constantly to go get her "fix" & it simply wasn't true, but I didnt learn that until after I had been reunited with my b mom.

They also used to like to tell me that because I had an uncle that passed before I was born that he too must've been into the drugs & that I come from a no good white trash family. I was continously reminded with every morsel of food I ate or every item of clothing I outgrew about how they "saved" me from being nothing but a crack wh--- like my mother. Nice eh?

Answer 13

My adoptive parents were very honest with me.  They also didn't try to make things sound all "mushy gushy."  They just told me everything they knew.  It turned out the the agency had lied to them about something, but it came to light years later.  I received proof that the agency that lied to them at the time of the adoption.

Answer 14

Nah, I always knew.. Id be sad and not sure if Id be understanding if it was kept from me.

Answer 15

I'll tell him any day he ask. till then to love ,is all anyone wants.him an use. he's 35 now one child of his own.

Answer 16

My birthdaughter was not lied to. She has her correct birthdate/town/hospital/weight and time. Her aparents told her and her adopted brother that they were adopted at an early age.