Adoptees: If you could ask your birth parents any one question, what would it be?

Question

As a foster to adopt parent I have the opportunity to ask the birth parents (or first parents) for a letter to give to the girls (they are almost 2 & 3 years old). I would like to see what the questions you think I should ask. I have already asked them for pictures, and I have a scrapbook about their parents... but I think they would like to have something FROM their parents just in case something happens to them (Lord forbid).

I would hate for them to not have the answers to the tough questions that will be heaviest on their hearts. My dad was adopted and his birth mother died and he always had questions... but his questions were about health concerns and what she looked like. I have those questions answered already... so I wanted other ideas. Thanks for your help.

Answer 1

i was put up for adoption when i was five!

i have had a hard life and learned not to blame anything on my birth parents they were young! and it was a one night stand... once i finally met them all i could ask was why... why not try to make it work!

god has a plan for everyone...

dont do the dirty if you can't take responsibility for your actions

Answer 2

I've already met my birth mother and actually didn't need to ask her anything - she offered up everything I could have possibly wanted to know.

I have no desire to meet my birth father, but if I did, I would ask him to explain to me the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy from his point of view, and ask him if everything my mother said was true about his actions and why he abandoned her and was left having to place me for adoption. I would also like to know if he ever told his other family about my mother's pregnancy and my existence. I would want to know about my siblings by him.

But that's it. It would be one conversation, and I don't believe I would ever want a relationship with him (if everything my birth mother said about him was true).

Answer 3

make a video of thier parents

Answer 4

As an adoptee who has met her biological family there was a million things

Heritage

Medical

Food likes/dislikes

favorite color

hobbies

what sports did they play

education and what kind of grades they got

Favorite subject/least favorite

did they like to read, if so what books

Parents names

How many siblings

What did their parents do

Why are they giving their child up

Physical characteristics that run in the family

What did they dream of growing up to be

Answer 5

I was adopted when i was seven but was taken from my mother when i was 4 along with my younger and older sisters. I had a pretty rough life and i still struggle with the issues i had growing up of feeling not wanted and feeling of misplacement.My bio younger sister and i grew up together but my older sister stayed in foster care(had mental issues).

  But i suppose the one question i wouldask her is why did you care about yourself more than your flesh and blood? Was your life as happy as can be when you didnt have us in your life to worry about? Now that yohave lived most of your life do you have any regrets or are you happy with the choices you made?I will probably will always feel hurt and angry for what she did but what is done is done.

Answer 6

I'm actually in foster care right now and probably going to be adopted  in November/December and even though I've met my parents some things I'd want to ask if i didn't know them are

likes and dislikes (food,color,hobbies ect)

why they were put up for adoption

traditions

if you dint know your parents what would you ask?

Answer 7

ok so i'm not adopted or anything but if i were i'd ask why they gave me up and if they would take me back if they could (if they would want to take me back)

Answer 8

Hi.  My daughter is 14 and we adopted her when she was 11 weeks old.  We have always let her know that she was adopted so that it became a matter of fact.  The only real question of substance so far (and that could change as she becomes older) is why.  It was an open adoption so I am very aware of the whys and have told her but focus more on how blessed we are that her birth parents allowed us to adopt her.  They may be curious about what they look like, have a need to know why they gave them up and a right to know the medical background but I think in the end, if adoptee's are raised in a loving home with people that have raised, loved and sacrificed for them,  they know who their parents are.  A couple of days ago the birth parent subject came up in discussion. I answered her questions and then told her I was so glad that her birth mother gave her to me and that I could not imagine my life without her. She gave me a hug and said "me too cause I can't image any other mom but you.  

Congratulation on the upcoming adoptions of your little girls.

Snooze

Answer 9

This is a wonderful question.  It shows caring, love, and acceptance.

My list will second much of the above.

1) Heritage

2) Medical History

3)Family History (grandparents, great grandparents,etc)

4) What are their likes and dislikes

5) What are their most quirky mannerisms

6) What were their favorite subjects in school and least favorite? What about sports and hobbies?

7) Can they tell a story about their lives during adolescence; how did they feel during this time and how were they different and the same as everyone else

8) What were the biggest milestones and events in their lives

9) What do they hope to do with their lives

10) How did they meet

11) Did the love one another

12) Why did the give the children up

Answer 10

I know you asked for adoptee answers but I am a birth mother,  I found my bdaughter and first she wanted to know why (no answer is good) then the little stuff. She wanted to know if we were in love with each (yes, we married 2 years later), if we had given her a name (no we were told not too), our hair color, height, who she looked like, my favorite color, why we kept her brother (he was born 6 years later). She was born in 1972 and I found her in 2001. She was 29 1/2.

Answer 11

I am an adoptee. I would ask if they think their lives are better for having adopted me out.