Adoptees ONLY, just curious?

Question

i thought that in order to better understand each other, maybe this would be a good chance to answer a question without feeling like you're on the defense.

1. what is it you want to get from this sight?

2. what is your adoption story?

3. what are information are you trying to acquire?

4. what have you learned?

thanks, best wishes.

Answer 1

(1) I want nothing from this site.  I'm not here to "get" something.  I'm here to talk a little about my adoption experience.  I really do think that adoption is a lot more complicated than society often acknowledges.  I hope that by being present, I can serve as something of a witness to complexities of adoption.

(2) My first mother was made to relinquish me by her mother.  After a month in limbo, I was given to a lovely couple that was told they could never have children.  A little over a year later, they gave birth to my adoptive sister.  Then a brother.  Then another brother.  Then, a year or two after that, they got divorced and I was raised by my father.  The cycle of loss was repeated over and over in my life until I finally gave up on trusting people.  I was eight.  I've spent the last twenty-eight years unlearning the lessons of my first eight-years of life.  Just this past summer, I was reunited with my first mother.  We have the beginning of what I think will be a long, loving relationship.  My adoptive parents have been supportive of my search and reunion (my amother more so than my afather, but still both okay with it).  I'm still searching for my first father.  (That's about as short a story as I can make it.  The devil, as usual, is in the details.)

(3) See my response to #1.  I'm not really looking for information, though I guess I am curious about the state of adoption today.

(4) I had heard about how much adoption and attitudes  towards adoption had changed.  From what I've seen on this site, I believe that the changes have been rather minor in the last thirty or forty years.  I think we have a long way to go in educating people about the real pitfalls of adoption.

Answer 2

what i want is to help those that need help. who knows i may run across one of my siblings that is long lost. i have found one 1/2 sister and that is news. i had 2 blood sisters and found out my parents names and who they were it was interesting. its just if i know something that can help i will let them know. me have a learned anything. not really i mean i know where i came from and know what my medical is about. i have all the infomration about me but i do want my sealed records because they are mine. i know my adoption story and was lucky i was adopted out. my sisters wern't so lucky and they hae had alot of hard ache through their lives. take care.

Answer 3

Err...(1) I think the word is site.

         (2) Will send you the book lol.

         (3) No info required, old enough to have worked it out.

         (4) That people in glasshouses etc. That this is quite an emotive issue, that people should just get on with life, That it is not a "them and us" issue, all individuals have their own experiences and emotions. We are all unique and should accept that fact. You are a long time dead so enjoy your life and those you love and who love you.

Your welcome, best wishes to you too..

Answer 4

1. I hope I can help other adoptees through sharing our stories & experiences; and bring awareness about sealed records, etc.

2. My mother was targeted by the LSS because she was 19 and single.  They took me and put me in a foster home while they convinced her it was the "right thing to do".  4 months later she caved in and signed the papers; 2 months after that, she and my father got married.  I went to live with two beautiful and wonderful adoptive parents.  At 22 I watched my adad die from his 4th heart attack and at 23 I moved home to care for my amom as she slowly died from cancer.  I found my nmom shortly after that (it was coincidental that I started the search procedure that year...prior to my aparents' deaths) when the agency finally made contact with her, and that's when I found out the whole story of my adoption.  It was a very, very hard and emotional year.

3. There is no information I am trying to acquire; except maybe information on furthering the cause of opening adoptees' birth records, etc.

4. That some members don't seem to think adoptees should have rights, or at least it appears that way...?  It's pretty sad, all the bickering around here.

Answer 5

1. Nothing.  I enjoy reading what others have to say and see if there are any similarities to my own story.

2.I was adopted by my aunt and uncle on my biological dad's side.  I have since been reunited with him but have nothing to do with my biological mother. I do not have a relationship with my biological father either.  Story is to sensitive to me to share on here.  That's just the basics. If anyone really wants to know they can ask me privately in an email.

3.  Not trying to acquire anything, only wish to share and help or understand.

4.  Being adopted by family is rare.

Answer 6

1. What to get from this site = to find other adult adoptees & to see what misconceptions (regarding adoption) are held out in the world by those that are not adoptees.

2. My adoption story = I'm an Aussie - adopted soon after birth by a family that had 2 bio kids (13 & 14 years older than I). Grew up in a very loving family & we are still close to this day. My a-dad sadly died when I was almost 1 - so I essentially grew in a single parent fam - not what my n-mum envisaged - but my a-mum did an amazing job. My a-mum died of cancer when I was 18.

I finally found the courage to search for my first fam - after much feelings of confusion and guilt. (courage to be ready for anything - especially that old 'rejection' fear that so many adoptees have - & courage to follow my heart - & not be swayed by what everybody else thought.)

Found n-fam 2 years ago - also found another sister - 5 yrs older - also adopted at birth - we have a GREAT relationship - 2 adoptees - how could we not!!

My n-parents were married just 6 months after my birth - and went on to have 3 more children. Have found out that my maternal grandmother was the huge pressure behind my adoption - for fear of shame on the fam.

My n-mum is not coping well with my reappearance - as she was made to keep too many secrets and lies for too many years - and never allowed to grieve for the loss of her relinquished children. My n-dad has been a lot kinder with the contact - and we're taking things slow and easy. This reunion stuff is an emotional roller-coaster ride - but I don't regret a thing.

3. Information = see answer 1.

4. What I have learned = that there are some more enlightened AP's out there than I thought - but sadly - still so many considering adoption have no idea of the realities & ramifications of separating mother and child. Yes - sometimes it does have to happen - and sometimes it does not. Either way - you're dealing with damaged children - and you must seek knowledge to best help them get through life.

Just my honest opinion.

Answer 7

1. why do you care? Not trying to say that in a sarcastic or rude way..

1. Any place to talk about adoption is a place for me. I have no one IRL who can understand completely. I also enjoy seeing the different perspectives of aps and bparents (sometimes).

2. Went home from hospital with aparents, open adoption, never knew either parent, always wanted too- wasted my childhood feeling completely alone and wanting to know my parents; bmom found me this year, and I'm looking forward to getting to know my dad some day; and getting to know mum better.

3. From here? Again, nothing. Information in general? my birth certificate, my father, and my family.

4. Ummm......nothing that would be polite to say or make me popular around here. ;-D

Answer 8

What site? YA? if so nothing about my adoption. I am not attempting to acquire any information that I have not already gained over the years. There is nothing on this site to teach me anything about what I have lived with or been through. Good luck with you information search.

Answer 9

1. what is it you want to get from this sight?

Support, friendship, understanding about the pain and loss I feel about losing my mother and siblings, open the eyes and ears of others to the evils of the adoption industry and the grief and loss that is experienced by man adoptees.

2. what is your adoption story?

My story is SOOOOO long. A very short version is that I was given to my fathers parents in exchange for a car and apartment, and my mother stopped visiting me when I was 4. I met her again at the age of 18 by accident, and we've had a very rocky relationship since then. My aparents and childhood were great, and I'm really happy I met my mom and siblings, however I'm still in pain and have some major issues because of it all.

3. what are information are you trying to acquire?

How to heal from my trauma, and how to help the current and future generations of adopted children from suffering the way I have.

4. what have you learned?

I am not alone. For every person who refuses to listen and calls us anti-adoption zealot n***s, there are others who do listen and that makes sharing worth it.

Answer 10

1.  I only discovered this site recently.  I like looking at the questions.  And I like looking at the answers, sometimes how other people vote on the answers.  I am fascinated that this forum even exists.

2.  I was relinquished at birth by a healthy, employed married couple who had lots of family support.  They told everyone I died at birth.  I was adopted by a fantastic family, couldn't have asked for better.  I searched for b-parents in my 40's.  I discovered that I had a full sibling.  Amazingly, b-parents are still married!  It was fascinating to discover so many quirky coincidences, things I knew without ever knowing that I knew them.  Now that I have seen both sides of the fence (so to speak), I was lucky, lucky to have been relinquished for adoption.

3.  I like seeing the variety and scope of opinions.  I like hearing other opinions, even if I disagree with them.

4.  Adoption is a much bigger issue and affects more people than I ever imagined.

Answer 11

1. at first i just wanted to see the questions and opinions of others who are like me. i never imagined that there were people out there that know exactly what i'm going through and i'm not alone or wrong in my feelings.

2. i was adopted when i was 1 month old. i have 1 bother who is a biological child of my parents. fairly normal childhood. never really thought about searching for my bios until i found out that my bio father never even knew that my bio mom was pregnant.

3. i'm trying to gather information that can help me in my search and hear personal stories from others.

4. i have learned an extreme amount about something that i though i knew everything about.

Answer 12

1. what is it you want to get from this sight? Nothing, really. I just glad that it's okay for me to have some mixed feelings about my adoption.

2. what is your adoption story?  my birth mother gave me up because she couldn't take care of me physically. But before she signed the papers she made sure that my adoptive parents had first choice.

3. what are information are you trying to acquire? Not really any information. I like to hear other peoples stories on their adoption.

4. what have you learned? That I'm not alone.

Answer 13

1. Nothing really, though sometimes I do get curious if my birthmother has ever been on here...but only curious.

2. Standard...I was adopted at birth, all I know about my birthmother was that she was catholic, smoked, had gestational diabetes, and had a french background. I love my family--I have only a mother, which means I only have to deal with one side of family drama ^^.

3. Nothing really...this forum just intrigues me.

4. A lot more people are adopted than I previously realized. I'm also lucky that my birthmother didn't put up a fight...

Answer 14

1) Insight into other people's emotions and to hear their stories.

2) N-mom was sent off to have me and told to come home alone. Spent 2 months in foster care. Normal childhood, one brother, stay at home mom, working dad. A-mom died when I was 14. It was awesome and then it was h**l.

3) How best to support other adoptees in their searches and healing.

4) That adoption is brutal and dishonest at times, beautiful and joyful at others.