Adoptees- What avenue did you parents take to place and adopt you?

Question

Like: Foster adoption, private, agency, international, intrafamily and everything in between.

Do you think they were ethical in reguard to your adoption? How does that effect how you think of them?

Answer 1

My parents were young and unmarried - 18 and 19.  In 1973, single teenage parents were not generally socially acceptable, even though they were legally adults, and my father wasn't so sure about being a daddy just yet, so Lutheran Social Services got involved.

My mother, on the other hand, wasn't so sure about the adoption.  She wanted to keep me, and her mother wanted her to keep me.  But since the "A" word had been brought up, the LSS spirited me from the hospital and placed me in a nice, discreet foster home until my mother could make up her mind - FOUR months later - you know, because they just COULDN'T have HER taking care of me during those months, wouldn't want any bonding or maternal instincts kicking in.

So they basically got their hands on me, "counseled' her on the wonders of adoption, placed me with some strange foster family, and worked on her for four months until she caved.

In the meantime, my a-parents had put their names on the waiting list at the same LSS to adopt a girl, and when I finally became available they were the next waiting couple.

So when anyone tells me I was "chosen" I call b.s.  It was simply that I became available when they were the next couple on the list.  We were matched by some social worker sitting behind a desk.  If my mother had taken another month to change her mind, they probably would have gotten a different baby, she'd be sitting here with my name right how and had lived my life, and I'd have gone home with somebody else and became a different person.

Chosen?  No.  Random?  Totally.

Answer 2

My n-mom placed me for adoption through a faith-based charity which was pretty much the only game in town back then. I know very little about the placement as she does not like to talk about it and claims she was forced by her father to give me up. I sort of believe her because she was only 16 and her 17 year old sister was raising my three-months-older cousin at home already and her 9 months younger brother had gotten a girl pregnant also. Fertile family.  And I think n-mom tried to sabatoge the paperwork because I stayed in the hospital for three weeks after birth even though I was 8 pounds and healthy because of a mixup with the paperwork -- the n-mom had put the wrong name down or something. Which seems weird to me because I was Baby Girl L either way legally at that point.

My a-parents went through the same faith based charity because they had a friend there who was a social worker. My mom had been diagnosed with a terminal heart condition a couple of years earlier (well she was born with the congenital heart condition but it had severely worsened and she had a catheter and surgery -- pushing 40 years ago!) so they wanted their social worker friend to help them make that not a big deal.

They also got their doctor to sign off on it saying her heart was not that bad even though she had been given five years to live.

They were told in August that it would be nine months to a year before their turn came for the next baby. I came in four weeks. My mom had been the girls guidance counselor at a high school but had to quit a month into the school year and stay home with me for a year (and had to get permission to go back for the following school year at the beginning which was 11 months later instead of waiting the full 12).

And which put the school board in the unenviable position of finding a female with a masters degree in counseling to take over her position -- in 1971. I think they ended up sharing with another school for a while. So...my arrival put the whole school district in the lurch. I have always been proud of that.

Anyway...they had to have the home visit and pay a financial donation of a few thousand dollars to the nonprofit agency in part to prove they were financially able to take care of a child. They had to be baptized Christians and agree to have me baptized within 90 days. They had to have their minister sign off that their marriage was stable. They had to have references from friends and relatives.

And that was about it. Since I came so suddenly and they had not bought anything yet the teacher network came together and by the end of the day I came home I had a cradle and a bassinett plus blankets and a bunch of clothes and bottles and formula so all my dad had to go out and get was diapers really for that week.

Later some ladies had a shower for my mom and at the one year mark after we went to the courthouse (where I ran into the corner of the desk at the lawyer`s office and thus went to court crying with a black eye!) they got a cake and had a party for my adoption and bought me a new gold locket. Yes I was only 1 but it looked pretty with my new dress so there then. ;-)

Answer 3

I was adopted through fcs so I would say that it was ethical. Placed in the family as foster child at 3week it was meant to be only temporary.  

My parents even tried to get biomothers medical information. They also took me knowing that biomother was an addict and that I could have some issues, at one point they thought I had FAS, luckily I did not. They also thought I had a mild case of autism though I was never diagnosed.

Biomother was an unstable young woman with several addictions she was around the age of 21ish, she had another child 2 years older being raised by her mother.  Biomother tried to get me back shortly after I was placed in foster care, that didn’t pan out. Thankfully she came to her senses she was in no condition to parent me and I doubt she would have had support from her mother so, it worked out for the best.

Answer 4

I was adopted through the government, social services, in 1977.

It was as ethical as was possible at the time. You were put on a wait list and given a child when you were at the top, closed adoption, pretty standard for the times. There was all the normal adoption prerequisites, home study, psych evaluation, physical, references blah blah blah. OH wait! It was pretty much free too, I cost less than the crib I slept in.

Answer 5

Both my n-mom and n-dad went against their families (who wanted me to be adopted interfamilialy) and placed me for adoption through an agency, therefore I don't think there was any coercion or unethical treatment.

However, when I turned 18 my n-dad called the agency to update his contact information and he's almost positive they didn't do anything about his phone call. I have yet to verify this, though.

My a-parents seem to be on the up & up about most things concerning my adoption and my a-bro's adoption, however when it came to my a-sister, that's a different story. Her a-mom gave birth across state lines and then drove back across the lines to spend the 48 hours with my a-sister. My aparents took her to court to get my a-sister back, or something like that...which makes me mad and sad (though I am SO glad that I have such a wonderful sister. we are both very close, but it's still hard to hear how my parents acted then)...

Answer 6

My Mum explained that they had two choices - the one where they paid $$ and the the other via social services.

They didn't want to feel they were buying a baby, it was just uncomfortable for them.  They felt they wanted to give a home to a child who needed one.

They thought they were doing a good thing and were totally kept in the dark as to my background. Everything was a big secret.

They thought they did everything entirely ethically.  They trusted the 'authorities' at social services.

Little did they know that I had been taken from a mother who had very much wanted me.   She'd been told she could never have children and I was a precious miracle to her.  But the nuns where I was born told her I was DEAD!

I don't feel it was their fault, back then the adoptive parents weren't given enough information.   These days though,  I would expect total honesty and openness and there would be no reason for the adoptive parents to be unaware of the unethical practises, which are ongoing in the adoption industry.

Answer 7

I guess it would be we can't have our own kid, so we'll go to the agency, and get one, just like we got the Impala from the Chevy dealership, and the fridge from Sears & Roebuck.

Agency/Stranger adoption.

Answer 8

they bought me from catholic charities.