Adoptees - When you were a Kid?

Question

did you try to picture your mother's face in your mind's eye?

I did, every day.

Would it have helped to have had a photograph and a life story?

Answer 1

I still do. I think I may have a clue. I was at the shops once with my mum when I was little and a lady came up to her and started chatting. My mum told me to go away and get something. I said get what and she said just grab anything and please go away. I thought it was really strange and then when I looked back I saw this lady looking around mum to look at me. Mum was trying to block her. Talk about strange. She had 2 smaller kids, a boy and a girl with her. I asked mum later who was that and she said it was Lorraine who she played tennis with. Years later I was looking for my birth mother as at that particular time I didn't know I was adopted and I stumbled across my birth mothers name. Elizabeth Lorraine B. So I am thinking that my adoption wasn't as hush hush and she may have been my mother. But when I asked my mum she said she has no idea, but she once told my brother that I wouldn't be able to handle the truth about my birth mother. So maybe that was my picture, the real thing. I am still searching so I might find out one of these days. But yes I have always wondered and thought about her and my father and any brothers and sisters I may have. :)

Answer 2

i was adopted but i did not know until i went to get my driver license when i was 16 because my birth certificate never got changed and that was a mess. i thought wtf i had to go to the court house and get a copy of the affidavit and have all af that changed but i had to carry that around with me for a while until i got all of that straightened out but it was a pain in the ***. but i would have liked to know well b-4 then because now my natural father is dead and i see his family and the all tell me what a good person that he was but i don't have any memories of him and sometimes that hurts but all i can do is just make sure that i make sure that my kids know where they came from.

Answer 3

Always. I think a picture would have been wonderful. I think it would have all lead to wanting to know more though. I found my birth-mother on the Internet in 2005!

Answer 4

No,...and maybe...

I didn't even ask questions about her or my bfamily until I was in my mid teen years (16 or so) but that could be cause I was giving my own baby up for adoption around that time.  My parents had some information and had told me anytime I wanted it, just to ask...it just took me that long to be curious.

Answer 5

there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about her and what she looked like.

Wow, that triggered something I hadn't thought about in years...

I hate being adopted.

Answer 6

After I was about ten or twelve, I had found the non-id info on my original parents that my father had hidden from me.  That contained basic descriptions of my original parents.  (It was very, very brief, however.)  I did use that info to try to imagine what she would look like.  I never had it right, as it turns out.  I always looked at people around me to see if I recognized someone.  

Would it have helped?  I don't know.  I know I desperately wanted a photograph and story.  Would that have made it better or worse?  I'm not sure.  But I always wanted it anyway.

Answer 7

I just recently found out that i was adopted after 18 years..it really hurts..it hurts even more to know that my parents never came to look for me...I found my parents and am now talking to them..we are becoming closer...i don't think it would have helped me growing up to know that i wasn't my adopted families child...and for me a picture and a story would have made me want them to come and save me...i think that it would have helped me if I would have never found out.

Answer 8

no.

If I had, had a picture of her, that would have made it more real for me, maybe it wouldn't have been so hard when my denial finally ended.

I don't know.

Answer 9

No I did not I barely even thought of her, maybe once or twice a year and I can not recall ever imagine what she might look like. In fact I still don’t.  My story is the one I have lived for the past nearly 25 years.

Answer 10

no, i never had a picture of her. i thought of her more in terms of my heart. i could feel her, i knew she was there. i was curious, dont get me wrong-'do i look like her?' 'is this her nose?' things like that.

i dont think i would have helped me personally to have a picture. her face was not what i was after, or concerned with. it was her as a whole, her heart, soul, mind all the non-physical things.

for the record, i do not look like her, except body shape and hands. our faces are not similar at all. but our personalities and views on things-well-its down right scary. its like we share a brain.

i kind of had the feeling that was how it was going to be. and i am good with that

Answer 11

Yes I wondered what my mom looked like. I used to stare at myself in the mirror and wonder if I looked like her.

I would have loved a photo and a life story. Luckily we reunited when I was 18 and I got both as well as a relationship with her and my 2 little sisters.

I think it would be very cool if all adopted kids had a photo and life history of their birth parents..

The sad thing for me is that my adoptive parents had both (they were my paternal grandparents and had pix and knew my birth mom's history) and never showed me the photos or told me about her.

Answer 12

I did wonder about what my "story" was and I still do and my parents had very little information regarding my background.  I always particularly wondered about what my ethnic heritage was and sometimes made it up  telling kids I was "Italian" "Greek."   I definately think this info would have been helpful growing up.

Answer 13

I wouldnt go as far as making it out to be a person i longed for!

I was CURIOUS to know what she looked like, and from the info given to me in my adoption file, I kind of made up my own thaughts about what kind of person she was etc, but I never longed for her blah blah blah.

Shes not my mother, my mother is my mother.

Answer 14

Not really.

In order to function, I sort of had to put adoption, my mother, all of it in a little box in the back of my head.  I knew I would deal with it someday (didn't know about 'searching' or 'reunion').

So when I was 21 I read an article about Florence Fisher, who was President of a group called Adoptees Liberty Movement Assn., they had a meeting, I went, and everything, all my repressed feelings came bubbling to the surface.

More information would have made for a more emotionally healthy childhood.

Answer 15

Of course.  A photograph and a life story would have been absolutely wonderful.  Although I'm very happy with the parents that I have, it just would have been nice to have seen a picture to see what I come from.

Answer 16

I so wanted pics and my story.

It would have helped me greatly growing up.

Then I wouldn't have spent so many many hours daydreaming about what she looked like and the reasons behind my adoption. (my a-mum wouldn't let me talk about it)

Not knowing also lead to all types of fantasies in my head!!

(no wonder my report cards always said I was a daydreamer at school!)

Two days before last X'mas (2007) - my bio dad finally sent me a photo of him and my mother - taken 8 years ago. (they married just 6 months after my birth)

You know - I've never felt as calm as I do now - finally being able to see where my features come from.

In my opinion - every adoptee needs pics and their story.

Answer 17

I am not adopted but my sister was and she used to always ask about her real parents. I just couldn't stand not knowing who my real parents were!! I would constantly be wondering what they looked like and why they didnt want me. (those are the things my sister used to ask us.)

Answer 18

I still do that every once in awhile...where I'm not pressed to have a photo of her should somebody hand me one I definitely would take a look.

More important than the photo is the unknown story.  Why was I kept for a year & then abandoned?  Who raised me that first year..my bmom, bdad, relative, stranger?  I've come to terms that I don't think I will ever know & I'm okay with that but it would have helped back in the day.

Answer 19

we are adopting and i will make sure our adoptive child has this! also if possible, i want the child's mother or any other relatives to be involved in our adoptive child's life. that is their first family.

Answer 20

This was something we as an adopted family thought about.

My daughter has many photos of her birthparents....

We also made her birthmothers last name a second middle name so she will still have part of her identity.

Adoptee have a right to know what their birthparents last name is.....it's not fair for them to wonder.

Answer 21

i found out late but the lady that adopted me adopted me single. i had issues with not having a father and her telling me he was dead. i would picture me with him and us doing stuff ( i was always a little tom boy) or i'd dream we were watching a football game or playing video games.

when i was 12 i found out that i was adopted and that my father wasn't dead but that i just didn't have either my mother or my father but they were around somewhere. i stopped dreaming for the next 13 years.

Answer 22

Certainly I did.  I have red curls.  I always wondered which of my natural parents had that.  It turns out to be my father.  My mother had (she has passed away) very, very dark curls.  Aside from that, however, I look so much like her that pictures of us taken within the same age range have fooled people.

My natural father and I are so much alike in terms of thinking and personality that people are struck by it.  My natural mother and I have such similar mannerisms that her own father said it was almost like talking with her all over again and in his words, "There's no questioning who your mama is."

I would have really like to have pictures and some kind of biographical information.