Adoptees: Which would you have preferred and think would be best for the child(ren)?

Question

* A single parent adopting one child and the child having full access to all parents attention and money, etc.

or

*A parent adopting two children both from the same country... but ofcourse now having less money to go around, but they'd both have eachother.

Background: I'm single and considering what to do. If I choose to adopt again, I'd want it to be soon so my kids won't be that much difference in age.

I don't need anti-adoption or anti-adoption as a single parent comments, although it you want to dish it out there, that is fine... I learn from those comments... one day my son or children may say the same thing and I want to sincerely understand them. So thanks for everything.

Answer 1

I'm sure having one kid has its advantages but I loved having siblings growing up.  I have three girls who are close in age and I see that they add a lot to each other's lives. They are lucky to have each other.  So I am biased toward siblings adopted or not.

As an adoptee, I am glad I had a brother and sister who were also adopted.  It was nice having people around who understood what it meant to be adopted.  I didn't feel "different" or "alone"  because I had them.  

Best of luck to you

Answer 2

It's a toss-up really.  I have three children and often wish I had more time to given them individual attention.  But, on the other hand an only child would miss out on sibling relationships.   Money has little to do with quality of parenting imho

QUOTE: "Single moms raise strong, independent children! "

Which is why single moms are routinely 'counselled' to relinquish their children to two-parent families, eh?   Can anyone say 'hypocrisy'

I really don't know how to answer this question, but I do object Joslins nasty comments about the good people working toward much needed adoption reform in the USA (which exist mostly due to people in the industry (like dear J) not taking responsibility and accountability for the flaws in the system and they then feel the need to insult others who are trying to effect change)

Answer 3

I can understand your dilemma.  I would go where your heart leads you.  If you cannot imagine not being a parent again, and have the time, energy and other resources to do it, then consider it.  It is an unknown and you just have to take a leap of faith either way.  But sounds like there is no "wrong" choice here!  Either way, it'll be o.k.  Single moms raise strong, independent children!  Good luck!

FYI, sorry to inform you, but if you wanted sincere advice or information, you will see that you may have come to the wrong place.  Here, if the "Put Everyone Down Disguised As Working For Adoption Reform Army" see any question or answer remotely in favor or even neutral about adoption, chances are you will immediately chastised or thumbed down, without even a consideration to the content, accuracy, or intent of your post.

Answer 4

I  was adopted and as long as you can take care of the children and can aford it go for it. I know there are people out there slamming people like you because you are single. you are trying to make a difference in someones life. think of it this way it you didn't adopt what could happen to that child you were considering. they could have communtication problems because they haven't had contact with people and not shown love. I don't care what people say I know me and my sister being adopted saved our lives and I look down upon anyone who critisises you.

Answer 5

Here's to you Kristy! If you have the support system and the time to care for two, go for it. I adopted my daughter from Russia and was supposed to get my other little girl (she was 4 years older) at the same time. I never got a straight answer from the agency about what happened to Katya. Long story, but I essentially have a missing child now.

Even though the pediatrician and others advised against me adopting two, I still don't think it would have been a problem if I'd been able to get both girls within a year. I waited so long for Katya, it broke my heart. Now, I don't think I could go through it again, although I do think about it and wonder a lot.

My daughter swears she's happy being an only and doesn't want me to ever get married. She is very close to a couple of her friends who are also onlys and they call themselves sisters. I feel like I am also raising one of her friends plus my elderly mother.

I got tired of waiting for Mr. Right to show up and didn't want to settle Mr. So So.

As for poor Heather, she is totally wrong, as usual and doesn't know the meaning of the word hypocrite. As anyone who can read, Joslin said nothing nasty, as did Heather. Joslin told the truth, as she always does and someone else wouldn't know the truth if it bit her in her derriere. There's no hypocrisy in this. She's comparing apples to oranges. The single women she's referring to are rarely even women, but young girls who have not planned their pregnancies. There's a huge difference in women who are in their early thirties on, who can financially and mentally provide a safe and loving home to children, and who can and have chosen to be mothers. BIG DIFFERENCE.

Best Wishes and I think what you are doing is wonderful. Godspeed.

Answer 6

First, it is admirable you are giving a child a home and are thinking of a second child. We were very luck with our two biological daughters...who were close growing up and have remained so. You can't draw an analogy between humans and dogs but we have two dogs who only tolerate each other. They both have type A personalities and each would have been happier with either a type B conpanion or being in a household along. I don't know if there is any psychological test to determine personality traits of young children. If they would be companions rather than competitors, I think anther addition is a wonderful idea. But there will be jealousy and if the two were not compatible, then hostility. Your choice, of course.

Answer 7

None of the above?  Why do APs think they can just pluck kids from different families, and expect that they will have anything in common, or even get along?  Since you're single, maybe I could find a husband for you, so you'd "have each other"?

I think before you adopt again, you ought to research IA,  I know your son is from Guatemala, and was 'abandoned'.  This sounds very suspicious to me.  Here's a blog entry that may be enlightening:

http://fleasbiting.blogspot.com/2007/03/...

And an informative site, with a forum, too.

http://www.informedadoptions.com/

Why not support a family in another country instead of importing one?

Answer 8

personally i think every kid should have a sibling...and although at times they hate each other...they always have a friend...my 17 year old son and 12 year old daughter can fight like noones business...but they are friends.and its funny to see them interact on that side ...but they have each other..just as i have my brother that i was adopted with and my husband has his one and only sister...it opens an entire new world when you get older and your brother has kids and your kids now have cousins and so on and so on...but with one kid your world is smaller...i say do it...adopt another...but in your heart you know what is right for you and your child

Answer 9

I can only speculate, but I think that I would have liked to have a sister who was also adopted.  I think it would have made me feel a little less of the odd-ball, and we would have been there to understand each other.  

I think this would be especially true if you have adopted from another country/race.  That way your child would have a sibling of the same ethnicity.  I imagine that would help with some of the adoption trauma and they would hopefully be close.  I think a sibling is more important than more money.