Adoptees and First parents in reunion...?

Question

I'm trying to figure out how to word this...I apologize in advance if this is an intensely personal question, and I will understand if I don't get any answers.

A former friend of mine reunited with his daughter who he lost to stepparent adoption 15 years ago, when she was 4 years old. His daughter came to visit soon after finding her dad. The first day she was there, she fell asleep cuddled in her dad's lap like a baby. She did the same thing again the next day. Her dad was so happy to have his baby girl back. They seemed to be getting back some of what they lost so many years ago. He held his daughter and hugged her, rubbed her back, stroked her hair...

Did you connect with your family this way when you reunited? If not, would you have wanted to?

Answer 1

My birth-mom and I get along, but more of friends than anything else. She's only 20 years older than I am and I have friends that same age, so it's easy to be friends with her.  

Answer 2

Watch what you ask on here someone may complain.  Good luck with your question

Answer 3

Yes, my father and I did connect this way.  After 7 years, we are still very close.  In the beginning, there was a lot of hugging, hair-stroking and the like.  We still hug a lot when we see each other, but the other physical displays aren't so common now that we've "settled in."

Answer 4

Everyone is has different reactions. I know that I hugged my birth mother and birth father. I felt a connection straight away with my birth mother. Sometimes a bond between family cannot be broken.

Answer 5

I was very guarded when I met my n-dad, but we ended up being pretty huggy. I can't imagine curling up in his lap, though I used to think that would happen if/when I met my n-mom...but that didn't happen AT ALL. When she touched me it was really awkward and not welcome at all.  

Answer 6

I write you from Italy.For me what you just described and a great thing indeed wonderful that after so many years father and daughter were able to find, as though nothing had happened in their midst there is a gap of 15 years of separation.

But, I think in a different way :1-children must remain in their family and not be given up for adoption; 2 - rather than send in an institution leave them with grandparents, uncles but not alien to the families and 3-I am sure that the link with the family of origin can never be broken, even if children are small.

Here, some of my acquaintances think in a different way from my.

Answer 7

i connected, but not on this level. but i have heard of this happening. its really not that uncommon.

when i found lori, it was lots of hugging and stuff. but i cant imagine curling up in her lap and falling asleep. same with jim. we held on to one another, hugged and even held hands, but no "cuddling"

but that was just us. lori and i have more of a grown up relationship. we are mother and daughter, but more so we are best friends. jim and i are more of a parental thing. he still thinks of me in the form of a little girl.

i find this kind of connecting odd, but thats just me. just because i didnt have that type of experience doesnt mean it is wrong. its different.

Answer 8

i absolutely did not connect.  not at all.

that's not to say i wouldn't search all over again!  but no connection....

Answer 9

After 20+ years of not holding him, some of the most healing moments of my life have come from finally being able to hold my now adult son in my arms. Sometimes we just hold on to each other.