Adoptees: another "names" question. What about nicknames?

Question

I've been wondering about this lately. Everyone I know has their own special Gaia-esque nickname, lol. I rarely call my "people" by their real names. That's just me. I plan to keep our childrens' names intact, only adding our names in there (if we decide to add a middle name, we will, and we'll add our last name at the end). But if we call them by nicknames, would that make them feel like we're somehow circumventing their true identity...giving them a new identity anyway, even though it's not a legal one?

Thanks!

Answer 1

Nicknames are great!  They're fun and will make your children feel more accepted and part of the family.

My adoptive parents called me, "Our adopted daughter, Margot."  I loved it, it made me feel so special.

Answer 2

Go for the nicknames, they're fun and affectionate.  You wanna be careful not to over think things.  Adopted kids want what all kids want.  And you'll be great.

Answer 3

I think nicknames are great, but they have to come naturally.  You just can't sit down and say - "hmmm.  What should your nickname be?"  - Also, if you are fostering, I believe some agencies/states have regulations against giving foster kids nicknames.

Answer 4

I think nicknames are a great way to give someone a feeling of belonging; kinda like inside jokes. Letting the child be a part of determining what that nickname will be may alleviate some of the feeling of 'renaming' them.

  Congrats on going to committee, by the way!!

   I'm so hope it's not my special girl, *sniffle*, but congrats even if it is!   =)

Answer 5

Nicknames are awsome.  Our kids got to help pick their nicknames, we have princess, monkeyman, and well the third child has just moved in last week so we don't yet have a nickname for him, I mostly call him terms of endearment such as sweetie.

Answer 6

you're putting too much thought into this . . .

My daughter is "baby girl" and my granddaughter is "baby girl"....i don't think either of them would feel a loss of identity but rather well loved.

Answer 7

I agree with Andraya

Answer 8

If nicknames are the norm in your family then I would think giving the kids a nickname would make them feel more included. I gave myself tons of nicknames growing up because nobody ever thought to give me one! Just call me Andie!

Answer 9

Nicknames are good - as long as they're not made about something the child may take as an insult - such as a describing nickname about some way they act etc.

(make sense?!)

But a nickname made up from their name - or something that would make them feel empowered - is great.

ie - 'Champ' (short for champion) would be good / 'Shorty' could be taken as bad (they may like it - but you have to be careful).

I never call my firstborn her full real name (except when maybe she's in trouble!!! lol) - I've always shortened it. But that's her official name on documents - and she knows it.

Their were reasons behind her names - and she also knows them.

They are her names to know and use as she feels fit.

I would hope that adoptive parents would honour the names that adoptees already hold when they come to their new family.

(which I know - without a doubt - that you willl)

Same would go for any child really. It's not just an adoptee thing.

In Australia - we shorten everyone's names  - except if it's a one syllable name - then we lengthen it - usually with a 'y' on the end. (ie my bro is John - always called Johnny)

Answer 10

Gaia,

Congrats - I hope you are chosen! You have such a good attitude and will make a tremendous mom for a child who needs you!

I think there is nothing wrong with nicknames. We call our bio and "time-share" kids by nicknames and all of them love their nicknames. I wanted to share with you a nickname story.

My mother used to team-teach in MD and VA. She spent 30 years as an educator and specialized in emotionally and behaivorally challenged/difficult children. Many of these kids were from abusive and neglectful homes. (Boy, does she have some stories!!) She was a pretty formal teacher but was fantastic at her job. She met her best friend when they were assigned to the same class in Charlottesville. My parent's had relocated in the middle of the school year and Mom started her new job just before the Holiday break. On Mom's first day with her partner she was appalled to Susan yell, "Come here, Ape-face!" to a third-grade kid. She asked Susan how she could be so disrespectful to a child. Susan laughed and said that the kids had chosen their own nicknames at the beginning of the year! Mom almost choked herself laughing when "Apeface" ran up and asked "What did you need Mrs. Stringbean?"

Mom and Susan spent 14 years teaching together. They still keep in touch with many of their students and call each other to cry when they see a former student is in jail or has died. My sister and I still giggle when we see letters addressed to Mrs. Strawhair arrive in the mail.

Mom and Susan used these silly names as a way to bond with their students, many of whom had never had an adult take a real interest in them. It was a wonderful tool which I have used many times in volunteering with abused children and with the other kidlets in my life.

I have many nicknames myself as you know from another post and each one is very special to me. Our only rule has always been, "never call someone something they don't like".

You are gonna be a wonderful parent and I am happy for you. Thank you for being so thoughtful about the entire process - I wish more adoptive parents were like you. I will keep my fingers crossed for you...

*blessed be*

Answer 11

Sorry I have no answer, and I'm not an adoptee...but have  you heard anything yet?

Answer 12

Most kids think they're cooler if they have a nickname instead of being "just their name".

I think they feel that they fit in more when they have a nickname...my kids do...I call them all sorts of cute names...and they're adoptees.