Adoptees both happy & unhappy?

Question

What did your aparents do right and/or wrong with regard to your being adopted?

Answer 1

well my adoption mom had a daughter of her own but the man she was married to wasnt the father.

she she favored her daughter more then me and my adopted brothers!

Answer 2

growing up knowing i was adopted was great. it was something to hang onto.

not knowing that i was related to my adopted dad was sad.

i mean it was his newphew that was my real dad. he should have told. me. but back then it was taboo.

i wish i would have known relatives and who they are . i was meeting the older generatin of the family while the ones i would generally know were younger. i got to meet all the great unlces and aunts. it was an experience. but i was nearly 40 when found this out.

i was lucky to be with them though, hot happy that two sisters were abused and mistreated. it was sad. they were brought up to think i was better then them. it has stuck all these years and sad.

Answer 3

My parents did everything right I guess, because I have never regretted being adopted.  I wish the system allowed for more openness in the adoption (not necessarily an open adoption, but availability of names for health reasons and such would be nice).  My parents always told me I was adopted, but never made me feel like I was a second choice (like the worked so hard to have their *own* children and that didn't work so they adopted).

I think terms that are used are very important... my mom was always my real mom, and I was always her own child.

Answer 4

My adoptive parents did one thing wrong. They didn't tell me I was adopted. I found out by accident one day whe nI was 9. It messed with my head big time.

It took years for me to get over the fact that my whole life had been a lie. They were my biological grandparents. So all the ppl I thought were my brothers and sisters were really uncles and aunts....oh and the "brother" who was killed when I was a baby was really my father.....

Other than than they raised me well and gave me a better life than my birth mother could have

Answer 5

I am an adoptee both happy and unhappy.  (-:  

My parents never made me feel like I was anything other than their daughter.  But they put no pressure on me to be like them in any way.  I still get the impression that watching me grow and pursue my own interests was a journey of discovery for them.  And when I searched, although my mother had some emotions about it, they both supported me, one hundred per cent.  

We had a great talk not long before my dad died about how things might have been different had I been adopted later--what an open adoption might have been like, and so forth.  I know they had anxiety early on about someone coming back to claim me, but when I got older they were very loving, secure people who, corny as it sounds, really were willing to set me free and trust I'd come back to them.  In short, they were like any pair of good parents.

What I feel for them and what I feel about adoption are two very different issues.

Answer 6

i knew from the day i was old enough to understand that i was adopted, i think that was right because it was never a shock to me..i have never felt the need to look up my birth parents, the only wrong thing that happened  was that they tried to find them. thinking i needed to know , every time i had trouble or an issue it was because i was adopted and that got old fast. if i got caught smoking it was because i was adopted and on and on.. but i was treated great and loved by all of them and even the bad they were doing was because they loved me..

Answer 7

It's not just about being happy or unhappy.  What I think some people do not understand is this:

Adoptees can have adoptive parents who were good or bad parents, and that does not change the adoptees' feelings on whether or not they believe that adoption itself, is wrong.

Many adoptees love their adoptive parents very much and they are able to separate that from the understanding that adoption as it's practiced in the U.S. today is in desperate need of improvements & reform.  

In other words, the best homes imaginable, still cannot erase what the experience of being an adoptee can do to a person.  It is a myth that only unhappy adoptees do not like adoption.

julie j

Answer 8

Not telling me all the information they had regarding my natural mother. Not having that information made my search take 20 years.

Answer 9

I consider myself a happy adoptee. My parents presented the fact that I was adopted to me from before I could understand it--I feel I always knew I was adopted. They treated me no different than any loving parents treat their biological children. I don't think they did anything wrong in regard to my being adopted. I highly recommend doing exactly what they did.

Answer 10

I am an adoptee blessed with so many things but unhappy …

Look at the brighter side…

I may not have all the things that other people have but I cannot say that I only have few.

My foster parents sent me to school and supported me until I finished college. They gave me shelter, food, cloths, etc… I am really grateful to God and to my Foster parents and I will not be what I am now if they weren’t there.

However, since when was I kid I felt like I don’t belong to that family (during those days, i have no idea that im an adoptee). I felt like something is different. I am not close to my Mon and it seems there is a tall and thick wall between us. She is not supportive and not trilled whenever I am part of a play in school. When I went back home to spend Christmas (after 1 year as I work in other counter), they left me alone in our house.  She is not proud of me. I can see her smile but I cannot see her happiness.

Answer 11

My adopted mother gave me everything she could material wise, plus a  neverending source of love. She did that right.  I think at times when I was growing up she was physically abusive because she knew no other options which is what I would say she did wrong.