Adoptees...did your parents change your name?

Question

When my parents adopted me, they did not change my name. I am extremely grateful for this! I feel that two things have been mine since birth; my first and middle names.

Did your parents change your name when you were adopted? How do you feel about it - whether they did or didn't. What do you think about adoptive parents changing a child's name?

Answer 1

When my parents adopted my brothers they kept their first and middle names (but of course changed the last - though strangely enough the social security administration didn't bother to update their last names until 1999 - they were adopted in 1985).  I wish they hadn't!  It was always pretty cruel to have them named such NORMAL boring names when the rest of us had names that were sorta out there.  It always made it clear to the entire world that my parents HADN'T named them.  They were only 2 and 3 at the time.  While they probably knew their names, they couldn't talk, and would probably have adjusted to new names just fine.  To make matters worse, one of the names was already the same name one of my cousins had (which made for confusion) and the other one ended up with the initials B.A.D.  What kind of start is that for a new life?  

Well, it's over and done with now.  They spent their whole lives with mismatched names given to them by a drunkie drug addict who gave birth to the younger one in a toilet.  I'm sure that's a legacy they could never have lived without.

In general, I don't think it's bad to change an infants name.  However, for older children, they should be given a choice.  Most of them will probably want to keep their names, but some may want a new name to celebrate the start of a new life.  That 10-year-old may even be glad his parents gave him a name that won't be a tongue twister for every teacher he ever has.  The child whose parents renamed him so that he fits with the rest of their kids will likely be glad of it.  In some cultures, names are routinely changed throughout life.  Many of us will have a variety of nicknames before we grow old and die.  Some people (like my grandmother) never even have a consistent name.  Almost all women will change their last names when they marry.  It is not a cardinal sin to change a name.

Answer 2

Sadly, my birth parents didn't give me a name at all.  I've seen my original bc, and the spaces for the first and middle names are BLANK.

Talk about feeling inconsequential and like you were never meant to exist....I'm numb just thinking about it.

Answer 3

Yes, at 6 months when they got me, they changed my name.

It really bothers me. Both of my daughters knew their names at 6 months old, i know I knew mine. Heres an odd story growing up I used to always "pretend" my name was my birthname. My aparents would correct me and tell me I was being silly and that my name is my name that they gave me. Without ME knowing I was pretending to have my original name, i did it for YEARS.

It bothers me becdause that makes it about THEM. And takes the respect of the situation away from me. I already had a name, and they didn't honor that about me. They wanted to name their own baby and with no consideration to how I woudl feel , they changed it to fullfill their dreams.

I'll change it back one day when I get around to it.

My first mother was told that I would keep my name as my middle name. She was promised, I even have seen the letter they told her that in, its a complete outright lie. When I found her, she cried, because all these years she had been praying for me under the name she gave me, but .... i had a different name.

Answer 4

They did change my name.  

According to my adoptive mom, they didn't even know my original name.  A lot of this is pretty sordid history.  It seems a nun told my first mom that she would give my adoptive parents a letter from my first mom, explaining the importance of my original name and a request that it be kept.  My adoptive mom told me that no one ever gave them a letter.  

And yet...  Somehow...  My adoptive parents kept my original first name as my middle name.  This was apparently totally accidental as both my first and middle name now came from my adoptive dad's two best friends at the time.  

It's all very strange.  At the time, it seems, my adoptive parents didn't have a choice (about keeping my name).  I don't know how I feel about this now.  I think I would have liked having the name, and feeling that connection to my origin.  Growing up, I didn't even know if my first mom had given me a name.

Answer 5

My mom didn't name me. She didn't even think she was allowed. I wasn't "her" baby. I wish I had been named. It would have given me so much more to cling to as I tried to find my own identity out of the bits and pieces.

My son's name was kept, as far as I know. When I met with his a-parents they had no idea that he had a middle name. Apparently they were not told a ton of things about him. His middle name, his medical concerns due to his prematurity, that he was baptized. Important things in my eyes, things the social worker knew about. Them not being told his middle name really got to me, I love his name, I chose it just for him. I wish it had been important enough to share with his new parents.

Answer 6

I didn't have a name just baby girl [surname], the foster care system is the one that told my adoptive family, then foster family that they had to name me, so they did.

Answer 7

They only changed the first letter of my name from a k to a c. But the way my name is prounced you can say it with a k or a c. They kept my middle name the same.

Answer 8

My daughters name was not changed. The birth mother and I agreed on a name before she was born.

Answer 9

I saw a program about an adoptee from Russia who's adoptive parents changed his name to a more "American" sounding name.  He was about 10 years old.  I thought, "How awful! He's being taken from his country, his culture, his language and having his identity striped away at the same time!  How ridiculously insensitive of his adoptive parents!"  Oh, but then, he was being 'rescued' and given a 'better life'.  Guess that makes up for all he lost.

I can understand naming a child when a birth mom doesn't choose a name before relinquishing.  I guess I can sorta get my head around giving a new born (or nearly new born) child a name when you adopt.  But I don't get the point of changing a child's name...especially an older child!  

But...that's just me!

ADD: Gershom: Wow...how bizarre is it that you 'pretended' to have the name your were given at birth!  

mom2squee: Unless there's more to the story...it's sad that your mom thought the woman who gave you LIFE had no right to name you - or at least consider a name for you. ("that girl had the audacity"???)

Answer 10

Yes, My name is Eliza Katherine. My birth mother gave me the name of Amber Lyn.

Answer 11

WHEN MY MOM MARRIED HER HUSBAND HE ADOPTED ME AS HIS SON, THEY JUST CHANGED MY LAST NAME TO HIS AND I KEPT MY FIRST AND MIDDLE WHICH IS THE SAME AS MY BIRTH FATHER.

Answer 12

When my parents adopted me, they left my first name as it was.  They gave me a middle name and that has always been special to me because they gave it to me.  My first name.... I have no idea at all who gave it to me.  I was in the foster system for a little while and went through the adoption process 3 times total.  So no one knows where my first name came from.

Answer 13

I didn't have a name. *Sniff*  Unless you count "Baby" which was on my original birth certificate. In that case, I am thankful they changed it.

Still, nobody better put me in a corner! :)

Answer 14

We adopted our 3 oldest children when they were 5,6 & 7. Of course we changed their last and thought about changing their middle names. We discussed it with them and they were surprising excited about the possibility. They wanted to make them up and all chose names that rhymed with their first names. In the end we kept their middle names the same they know that but still choose to tell people the rhyming names.

Our newest edition to the family we "re-named". she is 5 monthes old and we have brought her home from the hospital. Her birth mother put a first but no middle name down. I should also add the name she put down was a name she heard a nurse say was going to be her unborn baby's name. (weird huh?)

Anyway we feel confidant that all our children have the name they were meant to have!

Answer 15

I was two days old...and if she named me, she didn't tell.  She also chose not to see me.  My name is my own.

Answer 16

Yes I was adopted. My mom did change my name. I really wish that she didn't. I mean I like the name that I have now but I loved the name that was given to me. The only good thing that came out of it, is if I have a girl when I have a child, I already have a name picked out.

I think it is ok if parents want to change their adopted kids names. I get it. You adopted them, you want to name them. I just feel they should think about it first, just realize your kid might be a little sad. But you never know some may be grateful.

Answer 17

Hi, my parents did change my name, but kept my first name as my middle name.

I have two birth certs too!!

One with my origional name and one with my name now.

In a way i am glad they kept part of it in my name now

Answer 18

my wife was adopted about 60 years ago she kept her birth names,except her maiden name.which was her new parents name.she has no regrets either

Answer 19

Yes, my first, middle, and last name were changed.

When I was 24 I changed my surname BACK to the orignal name.

I've added my husband's name on with a hyphen.

My 3 children all have this surname as their middle name.

Answer 20

I was relinquished at 13 months old and adopted at 2 years old.  The between time was spent in foster care.  I had a name that I knew.  My adoptive parents were obviously told my name (which my adoptive mother verified) but they chose to change it anyway.  My adoptive mother had promised the saints that if she could finally have a child, she would name the child after a particular saint.  That's exactly what she did, despite the fact that I was older and had been living with my birth name all that time.

I am not happy that my name was changed.  I think it was an incredibly selfish act on the part of my adoptive parents to put their own interests above those of the child they were adopting.  Let's face it, most people don't even change the name of a dog or cat that they get from the animal shelter.

I am going to add something, despite the fact that some people will perhaps be bothered by it.  In my adult years, I had my name legally changed back to my birth name.  After all, it is my name in question here, so I felt I should at least have a choice in it.

EDIT:

I just thought of something as I was reading some of the later answers.  When i was about 10, my adoptive mom was speaking poorly of the woman down the street for changing her 2 year old son's (her natural son) middle name.  I said to her, "You changed my name when I was 2."  She replied, "That's different.  You were adopted."  

So....adopted means it's okay to have no respect for anything that occurred prior to her coming into my life?

Answer 21

Had my son have been given a name at birth, i would have kept it the same. Him b-mom was told by a nurse to put it as "baby boy *****) so that's what all of his records show. kinda stinks, that he'll have to see that.

Answer 22

yes, thank god. bc my bmom was going to name me charity

i was a baby, so it really doesnt matter

Answer 23

yeah

mine was Tranquilino

they changed it

Answer 24

My adoptive parents were not even informed that my mom had named me.

In fact, when I got my Non-ID info, which included that fact, my mom (adoptive) was furious that "that girl" had had the audacity to name me.

We added our own names to the ones our son's mom gave him, so he has a name that is longer than he was at birth.  Interestingly, the agency involved didn't bother to tell his mother that his birth certificate would be changed.

Answer 25

Not really.  My first mother did not name me.  My foster parents gave me a nickname or baby name, and my a'parents gave me a middle name that includes my baby name.  

I know a family who adopted a seven-year-old and changed his name so it would start with the same letter as their four natural children's names.  I think that's repulsive and wrong.

But in my case, I'm sure my first mother did not want to get attached to me and knew whatever name she gave me would probably have been changed anyway.

Answer 26

The child that was stole from my son still hasn't had his name changed. My son has asked the judge to change the middle and last name and she isn't going to get involved he has to go to another court for that. The couple named him and the first name will stay for that is what the child answers to but the Last name should be my son's for this couple can never adopt him, and has no rights to name him right NOW the birth records says infant boy, so is that what we could call him.

Answer 27

Our son's name is very rare and somewhat difficult to pronounce.  We actually considered changing the last letter from an "h" to a "t" to make it easier on him as we know people can be cruel - especially in school.  

However, once we met our son, we knew that no other name would fit him!  His name was perfect and there was no way we could change it.  We decided if he wanted to change it as he got older, then we would support that decision.

That being said, we DID change his middle name.  We did this because our son's original middle name was based on his bio family and with his particular story, we felt that it was unfair to make him have that association in his name.  I could not imagine being named after someone who neglected me, so we made the decision for him to change his middle name.  However, we did discuss the change with his bio grandparents before we made the change, and they were 100% supportive of our choice.  

We did (do) worry that our son will be upset that we changed something as important as his name, but we felt that in our adoption story, it was best for him.  We hope that he will understand our decision and if he chooses when he is of age to change his name back to the original - we will support that and cover any legal fees to change his name.  We just felt that at this juncture in life, it was more about "protecting" him than keeping his namesake.  I hope that makes sense.  

Again, our story is different than many of the adoption stories out there.

Answer 28

Yes, they did.

Although, I don't know what my OBC says because of closed records, but my mother told me that she "would have" named me a shortened form of her first name.  I believe that is what is probably on my real birth certificate.

Answer 29

yes, but I don't know if they ever knew my name. or cared that it would have meaning to me

The whole name changing thing is distateful, but we are otherwise treated like property or pets so why shouldn't those who buy us be able to change our names? Naming us is a "parental" thing to do.