Adoptees in Reunion: Did Anyone find their first parents still together?

Question

My adoptive parents were told that my biological parents were very much in love and still together. It was something I thought of often. It turned out that my biological parents split shortly after my relinquishment.

But I was wondering if anyone has found their bio parents still together and/or married to each other. How did it make you feel to find them still together after all this time? Do you have full siblings? What is that like?

Answer 1

Wow! What a GREAT question with some amazing answers! I'm surprised to find so many ended up together after the heartbreak of relinquishing.  

My natural parents had gone their separate ways by the time I was born. My n. mom kept in touch for some time with a paternal uncle, so the uncle knew about my arrival.  

According to my n. mom, my n. father denied I was his.  Consequently, I expected to be met with rejection or denial when I made contact. Instead, my n. father said, "I'd like to meet you."  He accepted me with open arms.  Seems he remembered things differently.  He told me that he had asked my n. mom to marry him.

When I shared this with her, she remembered that he had indeed, but that she'd said no because she didn't want him to feel forced into marriage.  

Both n. parents ended up in So. California, coincidentally. They would ask about each other, and my n. father finally began asking me to give my n. mom his number.  I did. They dated a few times (some 32 years after first dating). I had my fingers crossed! If they were to marry, I'd finally be LEGITIMATE. LOL!!

They remained friends & in contact for the rest of my n. mom's life (she passed away first).  I have one cherished picture of my n. mom, n. dad, the paternal uncle, a 1/2 sister (mom's side) with her husband & children and me with my children all together.  The family I almost had and eventually became a part of.  My mom died in 1998, my dad in 2000.

My reunion has sparked other reunions with extended family members.  The first being my 2 sisters on my dad's side who hadn't seen one another in a decade or more.  

The other reunion included my father's two ex-wives (who were always on friendly terms).  In 2002, my husband and I went to Vegas with my 1/2 sister (dad's side), her mom (who introduces me as her "other daughter"), my niece & nephew, to meet our other 1/2 sister (dad's side) his ex-wife (that 1/2 sister's mom) & her husband.  (follow me? tricky, isn't it?)  

Anywhoo...we all met up for lunch together one afternoon. My other 1/2 sister's mom gave me a big hug, the former Mrs. M's (my dad's 2 wives) hugged and chattered away happily. Like one big happy family.  After meeting both my n. dad's wives, I learned that he had an incredible knack for picking NICE WOMEN (like my n. mom).  

Now, in my life, THAT'S a MIRACLE.  = )  

Thanks to ALL of you for sharing!  I'm so grateful for you all.

PS Thanks for asking the question, Isabel

Answer 2

I can tell you the case for our daughter's biological parents.  Our daughter's paperwork, before we got her, said that her biological father was out of the picture, left her mother when they found out she was pregnant and then had nothing to do with her.  Well, I don't know exactly what the status of their relationship is now, but when we met with them, they both were there and appeared to be "together."  I know my daughter will wonder about this and hopefully she will be able to find out.  I've wondered what my daughter will think about and wonder about her biological parents relationship, and hopefully her questions will be able to be answered.

Answer 3

My friend gave up her baby into an open adoption, and then ended up marrying the father a few months later. They had another child, which they kept, then divorced a year later. Messed up if you ask me.

Answer 4

My bio parents married just 6 months after my birth. My father wanted to keep me - but my grandmother (my mum's mum) sent my mother to another state - and told her not to return with 'that baby'. (insert sad face here)

The social worker notes from the time of my birth state that my father offered marriage - but my mother thought that she was more in love with him - than he with her - and she thought it wouldn't work!!

They went on to have 3 more children together - 2 boys and a girl - and they're still together today.

My bio mother is having probs dealing with my re-appearance - as she was told to go home and forget she ever had me - and has worked hard at that for 38 years.

My bio father has been contacting me via email this past 6 months - and we've talked twice. He's a lovely man - trying to do the best for his very damaged wife - and for the child they gave away.

He finally sent me a photo of the two of them - just two days before Christmas. THE most amazing Christmas present in all my 38 years!!

To finally look upon the people that I look SO much like - the people that I have ALWAYS wanted to see - is a complete head-spin after all this time.

This search and reunion caper is an absolute roller-coaster at times - but so very worth it.

Finally - I'm putting together the pieces of my life.

Answer 5

My n-parents actually were married when they conceived me.  I was part of the plan or marriage, babies, etc. They married when they were 16 and 17 years old.  The marriage fell apart after a year because of some very bad circumstances that entered their lives.  Because of these circumstances and the fact that they were now apart, they relinquished me when I was a little over a year.  They didn't feel there was any way either of them could properly care for me with what had happened.

When I reunited with my n-family, my n-mom had passed away already.  I have a great relationship with my n-dad and that side of the family, plus with my maternal n-grandfather.  My maternal n-grandmother was also passed.  My n-dad and I are just like 2 peas in a pod we are so much alike.  I really enjoy having someone that much like me (when it comes to the really good qualities, anyway!)

I just thought it unusual that they were married when they had me.

Answer 6

The question is really interesting to me.  Part of me wonders what my son will think once he knows more about his biological family.  His father and I were married just about a year after he was relinquished for adoption, and now he has two sisters and one more sibling on the way.

Answer 7

Here are a few stories from my family

An Aunt given up for adoption in the late 40's parent never married or spent time together.  She found our family about 20 years ago and some keep in touch with her some don't.  She never did find her bio dad.

A cousin given up in the late 60's parents did not marry and both went on to have other families.  Reunited with our family about 17 years ago and keeps in touch with both families.  

Son I adopted parents had one other child that was also adopted out.  Parents never married and did not stay together both are out there somewhere and have separate lives.  We keep in touch with his bio mothers parents and is bio sister and that is it.

Answer 8

My parents were boyfriend/girlfriend for 11 years, before and after my birth.

They broke up a couple years later, and both quickly married others.  Neither of those marriages lasted long.

While both of them had other relationships after that, neither ever married again, and neither one had other children.

And during my early reunion they were VERY interested in reports about each other.

Sigh.

Answer 9

In jan 1972 I had and relinquished our daughter, my boyfriend went into the navy and was sent to Viet Nam, when he returned, we were married in 1973. In 1977 we had our son, he was raised as an only child until we found our birthdaughter. She was almost 30 and he was 23. He was pretty upset to find out that we had never told him about her. She was amazed to have a baby brother and that we were still together. Our son takes after me and our daughter takes after her dad. She wanted to know, why did we give her up and keep him? That was hard to hear and hard to answer. We have been married for 34 years.

Answer 10

After reunion, I found out that my n-parents got married 2 months after I was relinquished.  They were together for 10 years, having my full brother 8 years after I was born.

They split up because the birth of my brother caused her too much pain and grief over the daughter she gave away.  She didn't feel like she deserved to be a parent after relinquishing her firstborn.  Adoption was not a wonderful thing for her.

She remarried a few years later, and did have my half sister; I also met my father before he passed away from throat cancer.  

I can tell you that I always just knew that I wasn't a product of a one night stand or rape or a casual fling.  I knew, somewhere deep inside, that I did have full siblings.  Finding out the truth wasn't so much surprising as it was just confirming what I already knew.

But everyone in the family is so amazed at how much my full brother and I look alike; I am shocked and amazed at how much like my n-father I am.