Adoptees in reunion:?

Question

have you found that your spouse/so/people you date share qualities that are similar to members of your n-family who are the opposite s*x? If so, was it surprising?

I was a bit surprised to discover that my n-cousin looks and acts EXACTLY like one of my ex-boyfriends; in fact, he's just the type of guy that I usually am attracted to. I wonder, is this common among adoptees, that we are "attracted" to people who resemble our biological family members (though we may not have met them yet)?

Answer 1

So far I haven't seen anyone who looks like my partner.  As for same interests?  I don't think so.  Truthfully, though, I've only met three n-family members of the opposite s*x.  My mom and two nieces.  My nieces are too young.  And my mom is a bit like my MIL in some ways, but not too much like my partner.  So for me, I'd have to say, not yet.

Answer 2

Yes, my husband reads something other than the TV guide!

Answer 3

Yes, I think so.  Sociological studies have shown this to be a very common phenomenon.  So,  I don't see why it wouldn't happen in natural families whether members were raised together or not.  Often one will see families where no one was adopted out, but relatives have very similar likes and dislikes and will choose similar partners.  This is true even if they did not grow up together.  Twins raised separately are the quintessential representation of this.

My nfather and husband aren't so much alike.  But, my husband is very much like my 1st cousin, Tory.  I, on the other hand, seem to have a pretty even split of similarities between my ndad and nmom.  

I'm one of those adoptees who has very, very few similarities to her adoptive parents.  That's not such a big deal, though, because most of the time our great differences were not of the type that clash.  It worked out okay as far as getting along, particularly with my amom.  I haven't met too many people who get along with my adad, even my abrother and amom never did.  He's a very difficult man.  But, there are difficult people in the world, eh?

Answer 4

No, not at all!  One of my great fears all my life was that I might unknowingly date and/or have a child with a relative.  So, I always looked for people who were very different from myself and knew a lot about their ancestry.

Answer 5

What a fascinating question! I'm going to have to mull this one over for a bit.  My current husband does share many similarities in both temperament & even in physical stature as my n. father.  I never thought about it before.  Weird!

My ex husband was more like my a.mom in temperament.  Guess I was still trying to "win over" & gain approval from someone who could never give it.  Thank goodness I got over THAT compulsion!

Can't wait to see everyone's answers!

ETA:  Like LaurieDB, I shared few similarities with my adoptive family. I didn't really notice this until I was about 18 or 19. I got along very well with my a.dad. Very much a "daddy's girl". Not too many people get along with my a.mom, even her own bio. children. She reluctantly agreed to my adoption & basically 'un-adopted' me 3 days after my a.dad died (my brother & sister kept me! LOL).  As Laurie said, "there are difficult people in the world, eh?"  

Fortunately, I had a wonderful, loving grandmother whom I absolutely adored & who just loved me.  I was lucky enough to have her in my life until I turned 30. Amazingly, my daughter looks a lot like her (same nose) even though they don't share any of the same heritage. Isn't that funny?

Answer 6

hmmm.....

dark hair,

dark eyes,

tan skin...

short....

loud...

Interesting...