Adoptees in search/reunion (or even just thinking about it)...?

Question

Adoptees who are searching or are in reunion (or have even just thought about searching), were you more interested in finding one parent over the other? In other words, did you have a strong desire to meet your mother but not your father, or vice versa? If so, which one and why?

Answer 1

my mother.  not competely sure why, but i guess in my mind i knew she was for sure related to me.  i wasn't certain that she would know who my father was, or if he knew, to be honest.

i ended up finding him as well, along with a total of 14 siblings.

Answer 2

My mother.  She's much younger (75 now) so the chances are better.  Also, what I've read in my non-ID makes me more interested in her than my father.  He is described as very dominating, with a violent temper.  I don't think he knew about me.  I'm also looking for any siblings.  I know I have at least one, an older sister, my father's daughter from his first marriage.  The chances of her looking for me are pretty slim unless she's interested in looking for any other children her dad might have had after he left her mom.  And she would have virtually nothing to go on.

Answer 3

I've been searching on and off for 10 years...I am searching for any Birthfamily member.

Answer 4

It was always about finding my mother first.

I found that she married my father just 6 months after my birth - and they have had 3 more kids together.

Bonus!!!

I'm so very glad I found my father now - as I think he and I are very alike - and it is only through him now that I have contact.

Answer 5

Her.

I didn't think about him much.

I met them both, she was only too happy to have a reson to call him.  

I am glad to have met them both, but the main 'pull' I had was for her.

Answer 6

i would imagine that  you, or someone close to you were adopted, which is good that you  have put this question in. i hope that you are happy with your life truly i do. sadly 41 years ago i had no other option but to put my daughter up for adoption,knowone was willing to help me, and basicly knowone cared a hoot about me or my baby,the father of the child was not interested,i was very badly effected with the decisions that the authorities had arranged. but there has never been a day go by, that i hav,nt thought of that child, my heart still breaks, i have tried, over the years, unsuccessfully to find her, but to no avail. whichever parent people feel the need to locate and find is a choice they themselves will have to make. but remember when a child is adopted, that child will believe the adoptive parents for whatever they tell them, but the natural mother feels forever for that child.The pain never goes away...good luck to you in your life.

Answer 7

yessssss

Answer 8

My mother was always the main person I wanted contact with. I thought she would be able to answer all of my questions and solve all of the puzzles of who I am.

But I knew there was more to my own children than just my husband or I.  There had to be more to ME than just my mom.

So I searched for and found my dad.  It's helped me to feel like a "complete/real" person.

Answer 9

i wanted to know who i looked like, and so i wanted to meet my mom the most, all of my friends looked like their moms, and i wanted her to be able to fillthe hole in me, which i found out was a problem only i could solve,, once i met her, i dont know if it was a mistake or a good thing.

Answer 10

Neither.... I was more interested in finding my older brother. I think its because I always knew more about him. I found him. I then found my birth mother, then my birth father. My reunion is nearly together, just have a few more siblings to find and I will be happy.

All my questions have been answered so far, and i have learned some family history. There is still pleanty of questions to be asked, but all in time. I feel like I have all the time in the world now, and I just want to get to know them all first.

Answer 11

I searched for both at the same time.  I always assumed it would be my mother with whom I'd reunited.  I also made the terrible assumption that my father wouldn't be so interested, solely because he's a father and not a mother.  I can't believe I was so prejudiced in my thinking, but I have to admit that I was.  Through my relationship with my first father, and by watching my husband who I married only 1 year prior to my reunion, I've learned a LOT since then about fathers and men in general when it comes to fathering.

I located my father first, and I'm sooooo happy it turned out that way.  Locating my father meant automatically locating my mother, as it turned out.  My father was able to open a phone book and get my maternal grandparents' phone number, which is something he did right away without me even asking.  Sadly, my mother had passed away 7 months prior to my locating her, and my father did not know she had passed.

I think one of the reasons that I searched for both is that I already knew they were married and had raised me for 13 months prior to relinquishment.  So, I knew it wasn't one of those "maybe he doesn't even know about me" scenarios.

Answer 12

I wanted to meet my mother first, because she was the one with the answers to so many of my questions.  She carried and bore me, and only she can really answer "Why?"

That said, I want to know my father too.  I'm pretty sure he is a big part of who I am.