Adoptees - was it a one time event or is it a lifetime existence?

Question

Do you see adoption as a one-time event or a lifetime existence?

Also, does it make a difference whether it's coming from the adoptee's, the adopter's, or the natural family's point of view?

Thank you for your thoughts on this subject.

Answer 1

Just like parenting, adoption is a life-long process. A child who has been adopted becomes an adult who has been adopted. When a child turns 18 or 21, adoption questions, feelings, or issues do not disappear.

adoption is different from having a child born into the family is an important step toward being successful parents. Adoptive parents must accept the dual identity in their adopted child's life and recognize the continuing importance of the birthparents' contribution to their child's self-concept. Adoptive parents must realize that, no matter how compelling and understandable the facts surrounding the adoption are, the adoptive child may still feel rejected and unworthy.

Prospective parents should not adopt unless they feel able to deal with all of the complexities inherent in this kind of parenting.

Answer 2

it was a onetime event that shaped my life but did not define it.  A different path was chosen and i walk that path like i would any other path.   You get divorced after planning a lifetime of love and growing old together -- it's traumatic and difficult to deal with; it will change the rest of your life and you will now take a different path . . .but do you walk down the path with your confidence and your head held high or do you just sit down in the middle of the path and do nothing?

it's a onetime event that shapes your life.

Answer 3

This is something that is unique at the very least to the group to whom it is being applied.  Adoption has a general overall effect that is different for adoptees, first families and adoptive parents because each group has a different role.  Within each group, of course, individuals all experience the effects differently.

For me, it's a one-time "event," but it has life-long effects.  It's a part of me.  It's not all of me, but it's a part of what shapes me, just like being born and raised in the U.S.A. is part of what shapes me.  It's not the entirety of who I am, but it doesn't have to be in order for me to acknowledge that is continues to make various impressions on my life.

For example, adopted people cannot obtain their own OBC's in 44 states in the same manner as non-adopted people.  The state views adopted people and their situations differently than non-adopted people.  Unequal treatment under the law is something that continues for a lifetime unless the law is changed.  

Non-adopted people cannot truly give a view on what it is to be moved from their families to a different families to be raised.  The majority of them cannot truly comment in a knowledgeable manner what it is like to be  severed from their entire first families -- sometimes permanently.

This is what happens in adoption.  This is common to all adopted persons.  Individual adoptees may experience it differently, but the long term separation itself is common to all adoptees.

This idea of whether or not adoption affects us doesn't have to be an all or nothing sort of deal.  In order to be whole, I don't need to reject any effects it has on my life, nor do I need to view it as the sole effect on my life.  Either view would be hollow and short-sighted to say the least as well as a denial of who I am as a whole person.

Answer 4

It is a lifetime existence.  It is an ongoing, never-ending process.  It colors my life.  

Now some will dismiss me as bitter.  I'm not.  Some will say I'm living in the past.  I'm not.  

I'm faced with the fact of my adoption every time I go to the doctor's office.  

I'm faced with the fact of my adoption every time I'm around my adoptive family, who look alike and share similar interests, though I don't (in either case).  

I'm faced with the fact of my adoption when others talk casually about where they come from, what their family traditions are, and the like.

I have accepted my adoption as part of who I am, and one of the formative events in my life.  But I cannot ignore its effects, nor should I want to.  Only by acknowledging its effects can I move forward.  I do not sit around feeling sorry for myself for it.  I struggle with conflicting emotions around it, and I am frustrated that others want to silence me.

My adoption gives me challenges to overcome.  Some I have.  And some I continue to work on.  But as with most major life events (divorce, death, etc.) adoption cannot be limited to one moment in time and separated off.  It is a continuous existence the effects of which are life-long.

Answer 5

I was adopted as a baby and I wouldn't say its a one time event it is definitely a life time existence, but that doesn't mean its a bad thing. I always wonder whether or not my birth mom thinks about me especially on my birthdays and holidays but I had  such a GREAT  life because of it!

Answer 6

It was a one-time event that changed my life completely, so in a way, its both. I'm an adoptee.

Think my adoptive parents see it as a one-time event though.

Answer 7

In this world, there are the ones who never forget and dont move on in their lives, and the ones who accept their adoption and just plain move on.

I excepted mine as it was not a bad thing. My feelings we considered at all times through my adoption.  

Adoption for me, isnt important. My kids are important and adoption does not effect my life, nor do I feel different from anyone else.

It was something that happend along time ago. for the right reasons, and its time to forget and move on.

I dont need to take my adoption one step at a time. I refuse to go on like some ex junkie comeing off smack!!

Thats life i'm afraid. There is more important issues in the world.

Answer 8

Adoption, for me, is just a part of my life. I can't "remove" it from my life, or remove myself from the realities of adoption (like not being allowed to have a copy of my OBC).  Therefore, it really isn't just a "one time event".

Neither is it my entire existence.  It's a part of who I am. It certainly has had an profound affect on me...shaped my life, personality, character, opinions.  

Who might I have been had I been raised my the mother who loved me, but lost me to adoption because CPS said she was too poor to keep me? Instead, I was raised in a middle class family by a father I adored and a mother who resented me & physically (& emotionally) abused me.   I can never really answer that question.  

Birth is a one time event.  Without it, there would be no existence.  Adoption is usually a one time event (some have been "disrupted" & adopted by another family).  And while it shapes our existence, without it, we would still exist.  

I believe that adoption definitely affects the lives of adoptees, adopters, & birth parents in vastly different ways.  But it affects us all; though not life in it's entirety, it is most certainly a part of life.

Answer 9

lifetime.  i placed my son over 7 years ago and not a days goes by that i dont think about him and question if what i did was right.  some people on this site act like placing a baby is a persons way of tossing their baby aside.  i love my son. i LOVE my son.  i wasnt ready for him, but he was ready for the world.  i gave it to him the best way i thought possible.  and i dont care if people like me or hate me for it.  all i care about is how HE feels about it.