Adoptees were you surprised by the "general public opinion" on adoption?

Question

And the backlash you would receive if you don't agree with the "general publics" mentality on y!a?

I'm taking my own advice:)

Thanks in advance for your answers.

Answer 1

No.  On both counts.

It's long been obvious to me that adoption is treated cavalierly.  Either everyone assumes it's simple, with no negative consequences, or there is some concern that the child won't be the same as one of your own, so it takes a lot of something to adopt.  But still no mention of the effects on the child.  Indeed, the only serious attempt I've ever seen to deal with the effects of adoption on the child was on a show called Felicity.  (My wife made me watch it!  I swear!)  They actually seemed to focus on the effects on the adoptee a bit more, and it felt, to me, like a realistic portrayal of adoption.

Except for that, I have never seen a real sophisticated approach to adoption by the public at large.

In fact, I was floored when I finally met other adoptees and found out I wasn't completely alone in thinking something was wrong about adoption.  Talk about relief that it wasn't just me.

Answer 2

Adoption is part of my life story. It's part of what made me who I am. I'm surprised that others feel so harshly towards their adoptions. I know some of the people on here say it's not their adoption that's made them angry, that it's the corruption behind it, but those are two entirely different things. I obviously don't know the story about everyone's individual adoptions on here, and I'm sure some of them are more complicated than mine. But I feel thankful that I was given a chance at life - I could easily have been aborted. I prefer to look at the positive side of my adoption and not dwell on what could've been. We were adopted...how do any of us know what a different life would've been like had we not been? I could have been born with no legs and raised by my biological parents. I would've had to learn to deal with having no legs. Instead, I was given up by my biological parents to be raised by my adoptive parents. And so I have learned to deal with being adopted!

Answer 3

No, I have been told awful things about adoption my whole life.

How lucky I am to be alive, how horrible my mother must be, how grateful I should be for being "saved"  etc.

Answer 4

I'm an adoptee with adopted children. My experience growing up couldn't have been better, although I am saddened that my birth mother did not want to be contacted EVER, so I know nothing about my birth family. I get backlash all the time on Yahoo  for stating my childhood wasn't one of depression, anger, or feelings of loss, and that my older sister (not adopted) and I were treated exactly the same. No wants wants me to have a happy ending because it disproves the myths they are trying to spread. Yes, I'm surprised by public opinion of adoption. I'm aghast that there are so many people out there who think it's awful, and I thank my lucky stars I was adopted by my parents.

Ultimately, we are all responsible for our own happiness. I truly believe in the adage that when faced with adversity we should change what we can, have serenity to accept what we can't, and have the wisdom to know the difference. I have never allowed the fact I was adopted destroy my life...there's just so much more to living.

Answer 5

I am always surprised that so many people with no connection to adoption are able to see it for the loss it is. They get it! Even without being in the middle of adoption, so many of them really understand the concept of loss and pain surrounding adoption.

I am never surprised by the backlash I receive! I'm just one of them forever-children turned crack-wh*re-birthmothers  so obviously I am not intelligent enough to have an opinion worth noting.  

Answer 6

Most people are very supportive of adoption. Occasionally they use disrespectful language but it is because they simply haven't thought about it or aren't close enough to adoption to know any better.

I'm not sure about any backlash. If you find that your views upset people it may be because your views are unreasonable.  

Answer 7

I was more surprised by the general opinion of adoption on !YA.  I was  surprised that no one on YA wanted to hear that an adoptee could be happy and ok with their adoption and did not feel loss.  This is evidenced by the number of thumbs down that happy adoptees get, even on this thread. I get the backlash from other adoptees who only want to hear about the loss they want me to feel.  It seems like you don't want to acknowledge that it could happen that an adoptee could be ok with it all.  I don't understand it.  You feel loss and want me to feel it too.  I

Answer 8

People don't want their myths destroyed, and the NCFA and the Adoption Industry have spent a lot of people's and the government's hard earned dollars convincing people that adoption is a win/win/win situation, one that gets rid of all those unwanted babies, cures infertility and creates born-again virgins from damaged goods.  What could be wrong with this, and of course it is all for the public good, too.  Goddess forbid that some slattern and her whelp should get fat off the backs of the taxpayers!  We all know that that is the realm of the mulit billion dollar industry and the Politician who insure their profit thru the laws they write.

Intellectually the average person knows that if adoption is such a hot deal everyone would be placing their firstborn.  Take a look at your family.  Which one of your children would you like to "place" in a loving home other than his own?  The average person also knows that  to create the pretend "forever family" another family has to be destroyed.  But, it isn't pretty, it isn't warm and fuzzy, it is ugly and painful and wrenching and exploitive, so it is easy not to think about, or to visit in your mind.  It is especially easy when there are such Hallmark opportunities provided to take your mind off the underbelly of adoption.  

Sandy Young

SMAAC

Senior Mother EMS