Adoptees who consider themselves as having good lives...?

Question

Do you have any particular experiences that you can share with adoptive parents to help benefit their children?

Answer 1

Lots of money is a nice thought (didn't happen -- shucks.)  

However, honesty and an open mind are extremely important.  My amom never lied to me about whatever she knew regarding my adoption and my pre-adoptive history.  

Support and understanding if the adoptee chooses to search.

Understanding if the adoptee feel abandoned.

Answer 2

my mom never hesitated to talk about my bmother or answer as much as she could.

when i wanted to search, she was behind me 10000%.

Answer 3

Unconditional love and acceptance for who they are.

Answer 4

I'm not an adoptee but I have to say this.....

Please don't ever say "Your mom and dad loved you very much but they couldn't take care of you."

People think that is kind, but what a child hears is "They couldn't take care of ME.....if I'd been better, if I'd been another baby they could have."

If there is one sentence I could delete out of people's mouths that would be it!

And to the person who said you should ask BEFORE you adopt...SHE IS...quit jumping all over people all the time!

Answer 5

Honor you child's differences.  Biology is powerful and traits, interests, beliefs may come from your child that are very different from other family members....very different.  Children are not blank slates.   Support your child in their differences. Acknowledge them for who they are.  My mother and I are extemely different in every way but she was very good at encouraging me to "roll" with my interests, and pursue what I believed in.  When she didn't understand me, she asked.  

I know this can be the case for bio kids too, but it is sooooo much more pronounced for adopted kids.

Answer 6

Here are a couple of things:

1. Be honest about his/her adoption

2. Be respectful of his/her birth mother

3. Never ever say such things as be grateful you are adopted or you were not aborted.

4. Be willing to lisen to your child

5. Don't put a guilt trip on him/her for wanting to know about there birth mother.

Answer 7

i didnt have a good life but ill say this..it would have helped me out alot..had they been honest about my birth mother instead of when i turned 16 on my birthday mind you..told me she was a s**t and i was going to turn out just like her or the fact they told me they wanted a baby girl..my brother was the baby at six months old..but me being almost three was too old and i could remember my other siblings..so to get him they HAD to take me...the thing i never understood if they professed to love me so much...how and why did they hate her..without her there would have been no me...

Answer 8

well some people like Isabel just cant help answering with pure sarcasm. And they say I am angry. Oh dont make me laugh. anyway......

I had a great and DO have a great life. All it took was honesty. My parents were honest about my adoption from the start and that helped me big time. They made sure I knew that If i ever wanted to search for bios, they would be 100% behind me, and they were.

I never got spolied as a kid. Why should adopters spoil adoptees, if apparently we are not special. We shouldnt get special treatment in that case.

Just fill your child full of love, just like any normal parent, adoptive or not.

Answer 9

Be honest and don't bad mouth the biological parents.  Even though they couldn't take care of them...they made sure they did what was right.  And that makes them good people.  I say if you are happy with where you are now you can't regret anything in the past.  Because every step you took brought you to where you are now.  Be helpful with contacting birth parents.  Don't get offended by the child wanting to know.  Some kids just need the closure.