Adoptees who (really) hate their adoptive parents... why? What did they do?

Question

Young Mo: My dad is the same way. He is adopted and doesn't want anything to do with his natural family.

Answer 1

My stepdad was adopted and he has absolutely no desire to ever meet his biological mother and seems to really have a grudge against her. He says he feels that way because she was 16 and gave him up for adoption after having carried him for 9 months instead of stepping up and taking responsibility for him like a mother is supposed to do. But I think he had it better with his adopted parents anyway.

Answer 2

I hate adoption practises in the USA - not my adoptive parents!

Some people even think that if you search for the truth of your origins or find fault with the 'system' you must automatically hate your adoptive parents - that is SO untrue!

Answer 3

I am adopted.And I hate my bio parents but I cant do nothing about that because my bio mother is my mothers sister.

I dont want te know them because they abandone me and they didnt do anything for me

I must misunderstood the q:

I hate my BIO parents

but

I ADORE my actual adoptive parents

Answer 4

I love my adoptive parents.

I immensely dislike the system that allowed my adoption to happen.

I appreciate that I was adopted by a loving set of parents, but I also hate the fact that I was separated from my mother.

You might want to do some research and learn to differentiate between "hating adoption" and "hating relinquishment." They aren't the same thing.

Answer 5

What a strange question to ask.  Do you any know adopted people who hate their adoptive parents?

I am adopted and I know a lot of other adopted people.  No one I know hates their adoptive parents.  How could we?  How could anyone hate people who have brought you into their homes and lives and made the choice to raise you and love you as if you were their own child?

Answer 6

Boy, this one has taken me a long time to get my head around. I do not think most adoptees, including the ones most vocally against adoption, hate their own adoptive parents.

A few of them might, but they are the ones who had traumatic/abusive upbringings, and their adoptive parents probably earned the "honor."

From what I can gather they:

1) Hate that society in general says that they should be grateful (more grateful than a bio child) to the adoptive parents. All children deserve a safe, loving environment. Saying "I shouldn't have to be grateful" doesn't mean they don't love their a-parents.

2) Can forgive their adoptive parents for mistakes that they made, but feel that today's adoptive parents have access to more research, resources, etc and should not be making the same mistakes.

3) Are venting about experiences they've had, but still love their a-parents. (My parents have made mistakes, too, but I still love them.)

4) Hate some things about adoption and the adoption industry (like closed records, amended birth certificates), but they can separate those issues from their parent-child relationship.

Sometimes, in reading these boards, it's easy to read "all adoptive parents = bad, so they must hate their own adoptive parents too" in a lot of questions... But I don't think that's really the case.

Answer 7

You don't read widely - do you ??

You are getting defensive - rather than working out what adoptee's are really saying.

I know few adoptees that actually 'hate' their adoptive parents.

Most love them dearly.

Those that do actually 'hate' their adoptive parents - usually were given away to abusive families and lived a life of h**l. (truly justified - I would think)

Most 'hate' adoption - 'hate' that they were taken from the family they should have grown in (too many when it didn't really need to happen) - 'hate' being told to be grateful for something they had no say over - 'hate' that they're always considered children and never allowed their original birth certificates, no matter their age - 'hate' that they are made to choose between the two families that they belong to, and just want to be allowed to know and love all and be loved deeply in return.

Adoptee's usually don't 'hate' their own adoptive parents at all.

Open your heart and mind - and see what they're really saying.

Answer 8

it comes down to the grass is always greener.  they claim to love their a parents, but hate the fact they are adopted.  Sounds like wanting your cake and eating it to.  adoption is a wonderful thing, that Can greatly benefit many.  However the anti's would rather the child languish in foster care, with no stability or love to guide them. just so they can feel better.

Answer 9

they lied to me for the first 9 years of my life.

i found a paper thing with my birth last name on it,

so i asked them why it said that,

and they said i was adopted and that they never planned on telling me.

so thats why i hate them.

=/

Answer 10

My Husband and is half brother are adopted.( I was raised in foster care 15 years (since I was 3)  went through the stages of hate a remorse... etc.

I believe that :

1st) you hate... I mean how could they do it to u? their own child?

2ND) you have lived with out them this long why care , or bother

3rd) remorse .

You start to feel bad for hating them because you start to realize THEY YOUR BIRTH PARENTS. They made the RIGHT choice giving you up for a better life than you would have had with them

4th) forgiveness.

I mean hey the industry to have children is a multi-billon dollar a year thing. I have  two beautiful babies. I am also an egg donor for www.miraclesinc.net . to help people do this.  I have a friend who was adopted on the black market. he will never know WHO his family is.and other countries those parents to are trying to give their children a better chance even if it is in another country .

. they can be  afraid your going to get rid of them. As a Foster child I used to "On purpose"  Sabotage anything good that happened because I thought I was unlovable I blamed myself for being there. I never hated my mother. niether did my husband or is brother

Answer 11

Its probably kind of like your situation.

The Ap only cares about what they want regardless of whom its going to affect, including the adoptee.

They could care less to take the time to find their mothers, to

make sure that the child was willingly placed and not taken by people making a profit off of them and their situation.

The Ap may not be very bright and encourage them to learn

the wrong language like you're doing. 99.9% of children adopted from Guatemala are Mayan whose language is not Spanish its K'iche'. Its very different than Spanish. They will need to know it in order to speak to their family when they search for them because many do not speak Spanish.

Many children are deprived of their mothers religion as well.

Here you go. Study it.

http://www.sacred-texts.com/nam/maya/pvg...

Some Ap's are not consistent with their "story" and the instincts of the adoptee kick in and they know/feel they're living in a lie.

ETA:

"Maya tried to hide their culture because they were targets of persecution. "



Unfortunately, in this day in age they now have to hide their "children".

Answer 12

Please be certain you are separating out the issues here.  There are plenty of people -- adopted persons, first parents and adoptive parents alike -- who do not like the practices and laws surrounding adoption.  Many are very, very vocal about this.  This doesn't mean, however, that the adopted persons who feel this way "hate" their adoptive parents.  

If an adopted person is unhappy with his or her adoptive parents, it is most likely for the very same reasons that a non-adopted person is unhappy with his or her parents -- lousy parenting.  Some parents really are just lousy -- adoptive or biological.

Most of the people I see on here who are unhappy with the laws and practices in adoption don't hate their adoptive parents.  They just hate the laws and practices in adoption.