Adopting My 15 year old Step-Sisters Baby?

Question

My step-sister is 15 years old and she just found out she's pregnant. My dad and step mom are pressuring her to get an abortion, but she doesn't want to. I am thinking of asking them if they would quit pressuring her to abort the baby if I would adopt it. I am only 21 years old, and I am single, but I would love to adopt the baby. I wanted to ask opinions or advice from people that had done something similar to this. I was wondering if adopting a family member is easier than just adopting a baby thru an agency, and where would I begin such an adoption process. Please don't give me any answers such as "you need a man to take care of a baby.." and all of that. I am a self-sufficient woman that has a good job with a nice income, and I am fully capable of taking care of this child. Plus, I would hate to see my sister regret the decision of an abortion she didn't want to have.

Answer 1

What about helping her raise her child and her being the mother. How about just being a really involved aunt. Why must the mother lose out in this situation JUST because she is 15. She is capable of raising her child with a little bit of help assuming she isn't mentally handicapped or something. Why must the only support she have, be support to take her child either by abortion or adoption?!?!

Answer 2

I got pregnant at sixteen and I wouldnt have like the fact of giving my child up for adoption. I know you mean well but like the others said take in your sis and help her raise it let her be the mother the mommy dont take that away unless shes up for it. I got through school and stuff and it was tough but I had my parents to help me so maybe you could be your sis parent and help her that will bring the two of you a lot closer.

Answer 3

My family at first, tried to talk me into abortion also.  The whole "your not married, you're not even really WITH the father...blahblahblah" There was no way I was going to change my mind!  I'm so happy I didn't cause now i AM with the father, and we have a beautiful 3 year old daughter, and are trying for baby #2 :)  And my family is absolutely in love with both of them!  so please do not allow them to talk her into abortion if she is not 100% sure if that is what she wants.  She will never forgive herself.  I think you adopting this baby is just amazing!  You have such a huge heart!  I think you should definately ask.  I don't beleive in having to have a man to raise a baby.  I know plenty single moms who are doing an excellent job on their own!  So that shouldn't even be an argument.  What are u going to tell your sister though?  Would she be able to handle her baby calling YOU mommy? Or would you be honest with the baby from the begining and let your sister be a part of his/her life as the mommy?  Its a tough situation.  But I think you are an incredible person, and what you are considering doing is so wonderful for both you & your sister whatever way you decide to handle it.  So congratulations to both of you for having eachother :)

Answer 4

READ ME!!!!!!!!!!

Why adopt you can petition for guardianship till she gets older.  So could your parents but they don't seem to be the right ones for the job. Don't allow this to happen please (No Abortion). It won't be as hard of a process and gives her time to grow up before deciding. Please don't give up. Consultation with lawyers are usually free the first hour. You won't have all the mess or possible hard feelings, and when she decides you can just sign the child back over to her. She has free access to the baby. You will just be making the final decisions. No classes to take -easy. Probably cheaper.

Answer 5

Why don't you do as Gershom suggests? Help your sister to parent her baby. Sure she's young, but with some help and support she can make it.

Termination of a pregnancy is preferable to separation from mother ANYDAY, in my opinion.

Answer 6

Why not try an open adoption, where the baby would know that your sister is the biological mother but you would be "mommy." Then it wouldn't be awkward when you had family functions and your sister wouldn't have to hide, she could continue on with her education and still be a part of the child's life. If you feel this strongly about it then go for it, but only if you think you can do this for all 18 years, no resentment involved.

Answer 7

you might be surprised to know this happens more often then people would suspect you do need the advice of an attorney who specializes in adoption look on line families are generally embarrassed about evidence of what is perceived as sexual misconduct so be well aware that you might have a sound heart and a good head but the emotional drama could be intense just as a thought you could meet with a therapist for support for you and you step sister it is amazing once you enter this journey how many similar stories you will hear you have a generous spirit to seek such resolution and you will bring an enormous amount of love to everyone involved

Answer 8

I'm with Cherokee Princess on this one.

What an awesome sister and aunt you would be.

More than anything else - be there for your sister - and support her decisions. Please do not try to persuade her into anything - as it sounds like she's getting enough grief from her parents.

She needs someone being on her and her child's side here.

I wish you all the very best.

Answer 9

If you think you could support the child and you think you would be a good mother go for it.  If not suggest putting the baby up for adoption. ANYTHING but abortion.

Answer 10

Be there for your sister. I'm closer to my sister than any of my friends anyday. She was in  a similar aituation and I moved it with her and for a year I helped her pay rent and got her a car and now she'd married with 2 more.

Just don't pressure her to do anything she doesn't want to do. I had a friend who was 12 when she had her first and was acutally a good mom. I don't know if their are other issues, but the most important thing to do is suport her even if she choses someone else to raise the baby.

Answer 11

I think it's a very nice gesture, and it's a nice idea.  As long as you're able to prepare yourself to know that your step sister may end up having some resentment towards you or something.  Not saying it will def. happen, but you have to consider all things in these situations.  She's lucky you're willing to step up to the plate that way to make that type of a sacrafice, but shes young and may not see it that way.  Or.. she may end up bonding with the child post birth.. even pre birth and may change her mind.. you also have to train your mind to be okay with that too.

Might be easier if done with an agency, but it means more this way.

Answer 12

I think the idea itself sounds good but at the same time I wonder if youll regret it because it will be your child and not your sisters so eventually when she grows up and becomes responsible she may want it back.... then there will be family drama for you and the child. That would be the main thing I think of.... tell your step-sister to stop sleeping with people when she cant even drive.

Answer 13

Maybe you could adopt your 15 year old sister first. They should never pressure her into an abortion. Please stand up for her.

Answer 14

Before you do anything, I'd talk to an attorney or social worker with Child Services and confirm that you're eligible to adopt the child.  

I have a good friend who adopted as a single mom, and the requirements for income, age and other factors were considerable.  Because this is in-family and could be voluntary, it might be a completely different situation.  

But, honestly, I doubt this is going to seem like a solution to your parents.  You could support your sister's decision to place her child for adoption in an open adoption setting.  But to parent the child yourself in her place?  I'm just not sure that would make this any easier for anyone in your family, including your unborn niece or nephew.

Answer 15

Adopting a family can be easier than adopting a child of someone that is not related through an agency or through the state.

I suggest contacting an adoption attorney in your county for advice.  Laws vary state by state so an adoption attorney would be the best resource for answers with your situation.

Most, if not all, states require adoptive parents to be 25 except in the case of a potential adoptive parent adopting a family member.

Talk to your sister and parents now before they talk your sister into doing something she does not want to do.  She might be 15 but she has an adult situation that she is dealing with and having your support may mean the world to her.

Does she have any interest in parenting this child herself?

Answer 16

My brother got a girl pregnant in college, and she was not a fit mother nor didnt want the baby. He talked her out of an abortion since he is Pro-Life. He planned to marry her but she was not, lets say, a faithful or moral woman. She also was a drug addict.

He cared for her during the pregnancy, and forced her to her doctors visits, and eventually she had the baby, after she had to be in the hospital for 4 days due to drug related complications, she up and ran away right from the hospital. My brother, knowing he couldnt raise a newborn alone, gave her to my and my husband to raise. I didnt have kids at the time and I jumped at the chance. He gave her to me. The precious child. I loved her like my own. My brother knew that, after 3 years, my brother said he wanted to make the adoption legal for us. He would sign over the baby in the presence of the lawyer. Since the mom was unable to be found. 2 weeks before the signing, she returned. Clean and sober and looking for her baby girl. Well sad story is, I lost her, I had no legal rights, my brother had very little legal rights. The mom got her temporary full time custody, and again ran away during that time. We hunted her down, to find out she went out of state. Finally found her, about 6 months later, and she returned to ask me for money. The gall. After all was said and done, She retained partial custody, my brother partial custody and I have NO rights, and have not seen her since she was 5. She's now 10. It is difficult. The moral of this story is, no matter what legal papers that you sign, if its family its personal. Its 10 times harder for in the family adoptions. U dont have to go through an agency, but you have to legally draw a contract up through a lawyer, perferably, a family one. You dont need a man, since there is No money being exchanged, and you are family, you dont have to meet the criteria. If you are going to make it legal I do belive social services has to investigate you and monitor you for a certian amount of time. I was, when I started the proceedings to adopt my niece.

Answer 17

Gee, does your sis want her baby ? Shes 15 and may not want to abort or adopt even out to you ( no offense )  Maybe she wants to raise it. Why dont you get her point of view and help her as an aunt. I know you want to be helpful but I think your sis can grow up through this, and if shes old enough to be pregnant, she is old enough to raise it.

Answer 18

Obviously the parents don't feel the 15-year-old is capable of being a mother, or they wouldn't be pressuring her to abort the child (not that I agree with them).  However, having her step-sister adopt the child is probably a better option than having the step-sister try to help her raise the child.  At 21, she may be ready to be the mother of an infant, but no 21-year-old is ready to be the mother of a teenager.  The 15-year-old has already proved herself irresponsible and rebelous or she wouldn't BE pregnant this young.  I really doubt that having a baby is going to make her have a complete turn around, and I think trying to raise a 15-year-old AND a baby is too much for a 21-year-old.  

On the other hand, if her sister adopts the baby, she's not going to be missing out on the child's entire life.  She can still be there as an aunt, and know and love the child.  This type of adoption is extremely common, and usually works out reasonably well.  

I'd say go for it!  Talk to a "faith based" adoption agency to see if they can help you out.  The state may try to hassle you over being only 21 (in Texas they discourage adoptions in people under 30, and "strongly discourage" them in people under 25), but a faith based group will likely try to help you out, espescially if you explain the pressure your sister is under to abort.

Answer 19

That's a tough one!  First of all, they should never pressure her to do anything.

You are such a responsible person to want to help out this way - talk to your family, maybe there is an in-between?  If your sister wants the baby then maybe you could take her in and help her?  Talk to your sister first, find out why they are so adamant on her aborting it and go from there.

Just remember to keep calm and offer to help them work out a solution that works.  I'm sure your step-sister feels better knowing someone is in her corner.

Answer 20

I Believe if you feel you can take care of the child then go for it!, just remember, you will be making alot of sacrifices for this baby, your life will never be the same, so you must think about this carefully and maturely, but i respect you for wanting to protect your step sisters child, its very noble of you.

Answer 21

I applaud your willingness, but honestly, I think if there was anyway you could get her/her parents to adopt to a childless family, that would be great.

Answer 22

First, dont let them pressure her to do that, she will regret it. Second, I think the 15 and baby should move in with you. You can tell the 15 year old to get a job and help pay for things and you can take care of the baby together. That way, she is still involved and takes responsibility for her actions but you can make sure they are safe.

Answer 23

I dont know if they would let you my husband just adopted my son (his step son) and that was hard, theres nothing wrong with you taking the child for her and raising him/her, if i was in your situation i'd get myself somewhere to live and look after the baby when its born there is nothing wrong with that, stick by her,dont let her be forced into an abortion, go onto google and put in abortion images and show your parents if they are decent people they will be sickened that they even thought about doing that to their grandchild!!!

Update us and let us know,good luck x