Adopting a child of a different race - problematic for child?

Question

Hi all,

My husband and I are considering adoption. We personally do not care what s*x or race the child might be.

However, we are both white and live in a very white neighborhood. Would it be hard on a child of another race to grow up in a situation like this? I would hate for my future child to feel weird or have difficulties 'fitting in' because of this. Any thoughts?

Please don't post racist propoganda, I want serious answers only. Thanks!

Answer 1

Your comment about it being a 'fun' experience worries me.

You're talking about a child's life.

I think that if you want to adopt a child of different race - and you're living in such a white neighbourhood - then you should move - or find a white child.

I know too many transracial adoptees that have had a really really hard time of things because of issues which you have just outlined.

Don't make it some social experiment - you're messing with a child's mind.

Read up on some TRA (trans-racial-adoptee) blogs out there - here is a link to one - and you'll find many many more links to follow from there.

http://birthproject.wordpress.com/

Answer 2

If people want to adopt interracially  there are some things you have to ask yourself.

1.Will your family that you see often be accepting of your adopted child?

2.Do you live in a diverse area? If you don’t it would probably be best if you moved to a more diverse area.

3.Do you have friends of different races? Or are you willing to make friends, to have a close friend that is the same race of you adopted child could really help.

4.Are you prepared to help your adopted child one day deal with racism? There are books available now to help parents who adopted interracial. This is also a good reason it nice to have a close friend who is the child's same race or at least someone who is non-white. Then they could have someone they could talk to if they don't feel comfortable approaching you all about it.

I am mixed raced – black /white, my adoptive family is white. My mother made sure I had both black and white dolls to play with. Back then there were no mixed raced dolls. They also made sure we lived in a very diverse neighborhood we have blacks, whites, mixes, g**s, old, young, middle age teens all living on our block. The neighborhood itself has that and Asians, immigrants from Africa and Middle eastern, various other  countries etc.

Even if you don’t want to move this is understandable if you’re in a good school district. How is your neighborhood are the people ok with other races would they be accepting of a child of a different race? You could always see if there is a meetup group close to your area for interracial adoption. Then your adopted child could one meet other kids that are adopted, and  kids that might be the same race as them. You could even become friends with other parents who would be dealing with the same things as you, bounce ideas off each other.

Answer 3

Yes, it would definitely be problematic as long as you live in a white neighborhood at the time you adopt.  

This is not about racism on *your* part by any means.  It is about racism on the part of others, and the lack of same-race identity issues for the child.

If you adopt a child of a different race, you need to make more than a commitment to love the child.  You need to commit to living your lives in a neighborhood that will be race-friendly to the child.  Even then, the world is (sadly) not always a friendly place when it comes to different races.

I highly recommend you read this person's blog at http://birthproject.wordpress.com/ (especially "TRA RESOURCES" and "RACE RACE RACE").  But click on all her links - they are great resources that will help you.

Answer 4

YOu know, I have wondered that too.. but then I got thinking about it and I realized that while I was growing up, I was really close friends with two girls (from different families) who were adopted from another country; one from India and the other from Fiji so they were dark-skinned in light-skinned families.  I think kids don't notice differences like that and, well, they don't really care.  Your adoptive child's friends won't notice whether s/he has different coloured parents!  Both the girls I know were brought up just as another kid in the family and they are both doing phenomenally as young women!  They both went to university, they both are extremely close to their families.... I actually asked one of the girls what it was like to grow up in a white famly when she was dark-skinned.  She said it probably wasn't any different than if she was light-skinned and growing up in the family.  It really wasn't an issue.  I know the other girl came from a smaller town and some of the extended family were taken aback at first (by her adoption - I don't remember, but my mom told me a little about her situation) but it obviously didn't last because she is very close with her grandparents and cousins!  I think what matters most is how your new child is treated in the immediate home - with love and everything else you would give any child on this earth - then there should be no issues.

Have fun with your new child, whomever that should be!

I see that some people  think it's not a good idea, which might be the case but honestly, from what I've seen, I think it's what you make of it as a parent.  If you give your child the tools to become a strong individual and show them that although somebody might try to put up barriers, you don't have to heed those barriers!!  All kids are going to have issues in school and barriers to come up against.... You will have to be there no matter what the issues are, to guide them through life.

Answer 5

My sister-inlaws friends adopted a child from a different race and he is wonderfull and a happy little boy. How they did it was it was a open adoption and once a months they take him to visit his natural family so he will be brought up with both worlds. He is a sweet baby and i have never heard anyone saying it was wrong. this child is truly blessed for he is truly loved. The couple that adopted him wanted a child that was in waiting and he was 3 months old. Black babies are not as wanted as white children sadly to say.

Answer 6

I believe (my opinion) that it's a harder adjustment for children of different races than their adoptive parents to navigate in the world successfully in some cases.  This may not always be the case especially if the adoptive parents can provide culturally accurate portrayals in the home so that the child can understand who they are and where they come from.

In general you have to ask yourself, besides LOVE what can you offer a child of a different race?  Whether people want to admit it or not RACE is a real situation in this country and we have to be realistic about it and how it will ULTIMATELY affect that child.

Can you provide them with comprehensive skills to help them navigate the world as a child of color?

Can you understand what it truly means to live in this world as "the other"?

Can you teach them about their history or relate to issues such as prejudice, racism, etc?

I have included some sites that can provide you with more information about the topic.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 7

I think it would be best to search specifically for a child with the same race as you, for cultural reasons! Most agencies like to have the adoptive parents be familiar with the childs culture!

Answer 8

I read the answers on this page, but it seems that all of them do not come from some one raised in the situation.  I was raised by white parents, I'm bi-racial. It was hard growing up, especially when i started going to school. When I was younger i really didn't notice race, i mean i knew i was different but it didn't matter. People can be cruel, especially kids. You would need to put forth extra effort to edcuate your child on how to deal with these types of people. Be open and honest with them. My parents have always been upfront with me and they encouraged me in exploring my racial background. My grandpa came from mexico and my grandma came from ireland. There were times that my parents being white didn't understand the types of pressures i faced at school or wherever i went. at times they too where exposed to racist comments. so you will need to be prepared for this as well. I would try to find families that are of mixed race, and ask them on how they cope. Going to websites are great, but if it isn't an experince from someone who hasn't experinced it then the advice is only edcuated guesses. Trust yourself and if you can love this child and help him or her weather the storms of racial prejudice. i say go for it. Oh, by the way no matter how hard you try the child still may feel weird. i know i did, but i also knew my parents loved me very much.

Answer 9

You need to read Outsiders Within by Jane Jeong Trenka.  Here's alink to her Web site:

http://www.languageofblood.com/

Also, a site for adoptive parents here:

http://informedadoptions.com/

Answer 10

It's naive to think that race won't matter.  It will matter.  

That doesn't mean that white people in white neighborhoods can't be great parents to children of another race.  I just think that it requires more flexibilty and effort.

Answer 11

No, I don't think I would be at all, just have a few things around the house, dolls , toys , books of or about the child race. Kinda make them feel at home. You know what I mean?  It will be okay.

Answer 12

no I don't think it would be a problem as long as you make an effort to help him/ her to learn about his/ her first heritage. good luck.

Answer 13

i have no real objection to it, as long as the child is exposed to his/her first culture of origin.

although my answer was short, nice&neat expressed my view, exactly.

Answer 14

I have 2 sons from Asia.  We live in a predominately white town.  The boys are very well adjusted and proud of their heritage.  I buy books about their country and we go to a culture camp every year.  As long as you keep an open mind about their culture, they will too.  I try to make Filipino food occasionaly, but they really prefer american food.  Just bring a positive attitude to your differences and they will follow your lead.