Adopting a special needs child from foster care.?

Question

We are wanting to foster to adopt. I had no idea of what the perfect child was for us. I just happened to be looking through adoptable children through foster care and see this beautiful two year old who has special medical needs. She looks like an angel in that picture and I just felt immediately attached to her.

I'm not doubting my ability as far as her medical - i'm in the nursing program. I would just like to hear opinions from people who have adopted a special needs child or reasons why people who are adopting wouldn't consider it.

Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

I was adopted & I had a cleft lip and cleft palate that needed lots of surgeries. My parents said they just wanted a special needs baby so they could give it help. Otherwise, it may never get the right treatment.

Answer 2

My only advice or thoughts is to know this is permanent, and a life long committment.  There are at times little rewards but when those rewards come it is worth it!  I guess the other question is whether your family is equipped and do you hvae flexibility in your jobs to do appointments etc.

Otherwise great success to you!

Answer 3

I am a nurse and the mother of a special needs child (not adopted).  I think it is an honorable thing that you want to do, but you need to realize the full implications of all her medical needs.  For example, my daughter is wheelchair bound and so our housing has to be accessible.  We are also in need of a wheelchair accessible van....they are very expensive.  In the state where I live (IL) there is little help for parents or handicapped children, so the financial burden can be very great.  My daughter will not likely ever leave home - as in living alone- and it is a concern to me what will happen to her if something happens to one of us.  I don't have the money to set up a special needs trust as has been reccommended to me.On the other hand, being a nurse has allowed me to be an advocate for my daughter on many occasions.  

Her disease is quite rare and I am often the one educating her doctors and telling them what I think is OK for her, etc.

So, there is alot to consider...see how fostering goes! Educate yourself on her conditions and what the implications for the rest of her life (& yours)are.  It is a progressive disorder that will worsen over time, is likely to stay the same, or is likely to improve?  I have known of some children with trachs that eventually get weaned off them.

Answer 4

Before my son was 2, we noticed that he wasn't developing, or rather, his development began to regress. The docs said it was the phenobarb he took for seizure control (he'd been diagnosed with febrile seizures) and not to worry.  Long story short, he was eventually diagnosed as autistic & is now 22.  He's loving, well mannered, funny and a joy.  

To be honest, back then I would not have chosen "me" to be his parent. I didn't think I was up to the task. But apparently God had a greater faith in me than I had in myself.  I can tell you now that I have learned so much about love and life from my son.  He is such a blessing in my life!

Like me, people may not believe they are up to the task of raising a special needs child.  Obviously, you sound like you are already prepared to handle the added challenges of parenting a child with medical needs.  Every child deserves to have loving parents & a stable home.  

Good luck, my friend!

Answer 5

aww go ahead and adopt a baby even if a baby had problems its still a human being no matter what

Answer 6

My parents adopted two special needs brothers from foster care in Texas.  Bear in mind that this was more than 20 years ago - so things may have changed.  Here are the things they/we faced.  

Upfront - not all information reguarding their medical conditions and disabilities was disclosed.  The state told my parents that they were born Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, but STRONGLY IMPLIED that most of their dissorders would pass if they were stimulated enough in a loving environment.  Keep in mind that this was in the days before the internet, and there really wasn't much information available on FAS in your local library.  My mother was an elementary school teacher, so she felt she was as well informed about learning dissorders and child development as a person could be.  

Well, shortly after the adoption, my parents took the boys to the neurologist for the first time.  His prognosis - the boys were severely brain damaged from the FAS (and, come to find out, likely other things as well).  They were definitely Mentally Retarded with head measurements FAR below normal.  He predicted they would be institutionalized before age 10.  

Luckily his prognosis was wrong as well...  or else the endless therapy, strong interactive family, and constant exposure to "normal" siblings really did the trick.  My brothers were 2 and 3 at the time of the neruologists assessment, and are now 25 and 24.  They are both mentally retarded.  The younger one has multiple psychological issues, and the older one still has somewhat slurred speech.  However, they both eventually learned to read, and are both able to live in "group homes" designed for the mentally challenged.  Neither one of them is institutionalized, and only the younger one ever was.  (He was admitted to a mental hospital just after he turned 18 because he had become so violent from his psychosis.  He stayed a few weeks until they were able to get him under control with medication).  

The main difficulties that arose in our family stemmed from the "not knowing what to expect" and the fact that there were us siblings.  Since you say you cannot have any biological children of your own, you will not have the difficulties the sibling dynamic brings into play.  However, if you are in close contact with other immediate family, you may wish to discuss her adoption with them in advance.  It's always good to let everyone know what to expect.  

Also, be aware that many times when a special needs foster child is adopted, they continue to be eligible for medicaid.  Ask you caseworker about this, and make sure you understand how medicaid works.  You may be saying that you don't want/need medicaid for the child you adopt - but don't be so hasty about it.  Special needs children can rack up AMAZINGLY high bills between all the therapy and drugs they potentially need.  Accepting the medicaid means you'll never be put in a position where you have to worry about money in any way when thinking about getting her treatments or therapies.

The other thing to consider is that medically needy children often "stay that way".  You will need to be aware that the likelyhood of her "growing up and leaving home" like a normal kid is probably small.  You don't say how old you are, but you do need to think about that.  Will you still be able to care for this child's needs when she's 16, 18, 20?  There are, of course, many resources availabe - this isn't impossible, but they are things you need to consider before jumping in.  

Good luck!  I hope you find that the little angel is just right for your family.

Answer 7

Mrs. Marshall? You being a nurse? I can't imagine a better scenario for a special needs child. Often they can be overlooked in favor of a healthier child, or taken by a well intentioned person who is really not prepared to deal with the situation.

You are not the average, you are not the status quo. You have both the training and the emotional experience of nursing behind you. Can you think of anyone else better suited?

Answer 8

I would do it over again in a heartbeat.  I've adopted special needs children and spent their entire lives working and worrying to give them the best quality of life I can.  I have birth children also and one happens to be an insulin dependent diabetic.  As any diabetics out there know, or their parents, that is special needs all by itself.  So adopting or having your own doesn't matter.  Perfect health or special needs doesn't matter.  All you need is love, patience, a willingness to learn, money helps (not rich, but a job that can pay the bills), and a good sense of humor.

My children are grown now and beginning families of their own.  I immediately called foster care to start all over again.  But, my younger sister passed away suddenly leaving me her 15 year old profoundly mentally and physically disabled son.  I hated to tell foster care that I couldn't take any children at least for a couple of more years because they love maniacs like me.  People who are willing to take on anything, race, religion, age, siblings, etc.  None of that matters to a child who just wants some stability and love.  And it has never mattered to me or my husband.

So my newest son will be 18 in a year and a half and will qualify for 24/7 personal in-home care.  (He'll never see the inside of an institution.)  Once that happens, I'll call foster care back and tell them to send the neediest ones they can find.  Because those are the ones who might not otherwise ever know the love and stability of a home and parents and cousins and grandparents, etc.  Every person on this planet needs a family.  Just my opinion.

So, go for it and always remember that you are the one being blessed with this child.  You are the one that will reap the rewards of loving and caring for a tiny soul.  Don't take the joy and fulfillment you get in providing that love and care for granted ever.  The way it comes back to you is like clean air in your lungs, a heart so full it overflows, and when you go to sleep at night you find peace on your pillow.  Good luck.

Answer 9

We were aware of our son's rare medical disorder before we met him also.  I did as much research as I could about the disorder before we even met with his bio family so that I had a better understanding of what may be involved.  

To be honest, I was terrified to adopt a "special needs" child.  I was afraid that I would not be able to handle it or that he might be better off with another family that had more experience with these types of disorders.  But after speaking with the bio family, a support group for the disorder, and local doctors, I realized that we "could" do this.  Even if we had a biological child, there was no guarantee that the child would be healthy once born.  At least with this, we KNEW (somewhat) what we were in for.  

If you are adopting from foster care, be sure to request medical assistance for your child until they are 18.  Even if the adoption is finalized, the child should qualify for that.  The child may even qualify for a special needs subsidy through the state to assist with medical expenses.  

Good luck to you.  Feel free to email me thru my profile with anything I might be able to help with.

Answer 10

all children adopted thru foster care are considered "special needs". some do have severe problems and others are victims of child abuse or next and might possibly have issues. I am legal guardian of 2 foster kids (now 3 and 8) and in the process of adoption and thats what we were told. One is very "normal" and the other just has a few attachment issues and ADD.  But they both function as normal children and are so sweet and loving. Just need lots of attention and loving care.

Answer 11

why can't people be happy just to foster?  why is there a need to legally own the person?  so disgusting.