Adopting a teenager?

Question

I am considering adopting a teenager (around 15 years old). A few of my friends think this is a bad idea as a teen would be much harder to rehabilitate. However I think teens have just as much right to a family as a younger child. What do you think on this issue? Would you adopt a teen?

Answer 1

I've also been considering adopting a teen at some point in the future,  and a lot of that stems from an experience I had volunteering as a big  sister. After my little sister's single Mom claimed the girl was too  much to handle and sent her to a group home for a while (ouch! I still  don't understand how someone can just reject a child like that!), that's  when she started really getting into trouble. I was so frustrated by  not having the authority to fix some of the things being done wrong in  her life, I'd often wished that I could adopt her. Then the family moved while I was out of the country for a while, we lost touch,  and the social worker who was supposed to be keeping track on the family  had never even met them and had no idea where they'd gone.  

I hope you go for it and adopt, because teens definitely have a right to a safe, sane, stable family - people who they can count on no matter what. We all want people in our lives we can depend on, but for a kid, especially one who's been subjected to unfair rejection, it's even more important. Your choice may make the difference between a kid growing up to be happy, have career / family success, etc... vs. growing up to be living on the streets.

Remember that referring to your kid as messed up, even when speaking calmly and using psychiatrist / social worker jargon, is harmful, because if you tell anyone over and over that they're messed up, they'll start to believe you and behave accordingly. Be the person who finally bothers to notice the things the kid does right - the person who realizes how much potential she/he has to do amazingly well if someone just gives him/her a chance by being dependable, reasonable, optimistic, and helpful. Teens are still young enough to learn good habits and stress coping mechanisms and unlearn the bad ones. That doesn't mean it'll be easy, so make sure you've got a decent support network. The kid will probably have some real issues as a result of not getting the care they needed in the past. As people who've been through this write online, things will be toughest at the beginning, so keep in mind that it gets better as time goes by, and as you get used to each other and your kid learns to trust you. But then, as in any kind of parenting, you'll have the joy of watching them thrive. Your world will extend to someone outside of yourself and seem more full of shiny possibilities.