Adopting again, or keeping our family "open"?

Question

My family has all talked about how neat it would be to adopt a younger sibling for the children we have (whom we also adopted).

The problem is that the children's birth mother, whom we have no contact with (closed adoption through DHS, but this one closed for good reasons not to be shared here), has another child whom the kids have never met, but knew she was pregnant with.

This is a half sibling...so even though we'd love to adopt again, we feel it in our best interests to not start up the process again, in case the half sibling ever gets removed from the mother...but that could take years, if ever (and our heart's desire is that she straightens out her life and keeps this child).

So, what would you do? Adopt again, or keep "open" to the possibility that the half sibling situation may appear at any time, and hold off on adopting a non-relative child?

Answer 1

There is an old saying:  Don't fix what ain't broke.  

The children you currently have can have as much or as little contact with their half-sibling as their parents will permit.  You don't have to adopt that child for them to know eachother.

Answer 2

I would adopt again, and if for some reason she does not straighten out her life and child services approaches you, open your hearts even more and take in this child also.

Answer 3

Stop praying that she will give away another child. Pray she get's her life in order so she will beable to raise the child. Go after the ones that are here now that needs a home.

Answer 4

I think if you all want another child and can care for another child and offer a good home, you should adopt another child.

Since you don't know what the future will hold - and if this other child will or will not come available, you can't plan your life on an unknown.

If you did adopt another child, and for some reason this other child did become available, why could you not adopt that child, as well?  Your plan may be to have 3 kids total, but sometimes life throws a wrench in those plans and you have to be open to new scenarios.  We may have the children we have and not plan for another, but if something happened to a friend or relatives child and we needed to take in an extra child, we would gladly do so.  It may not be planned, but life and love are like that sometimes...

Answer 5

How very thoughtful of you to want to keep the siblings together if there is a chance for that.

Have you tried talking to your social worker about it? Explain that you would love for you family to grow, but are also concerned that should this child ever need a loving home - you want to be sure that your home with the siblings is available. You ,may be surprised what you learn.

I have friends who were approved to adopt twins, but when the birth mother had another baby a year later, they bent the rules on how many they could adopt in a three bedroom room home based on keeping the siblings together.

Answer 6

You could end up waiting forever. If you want another child, start the process now. There are so many great kids out there. Your family would be blessed with any new addition. If the half sibling ends up in the system in a few years, find a way to afford yet another child.

Answer 7

Hi Storm,

I agree with Jellibells and Sam.  You can't live your life by what ifs.  I would tell DHS your concerns with your children's other sibling.  I'm sure DHS would have good advice on what to do to keep your options open.  What i would really do is live my life as if your children's first mother is now healthy and will have no further parenting issues.  Wishing all the best:)

Answer 8

Personally, I think I'd stay available for this other child (assuming it won't happen, but just in case, I'd rather take the chance at a smaller family while making it possible to bring home another child if necessary...it's not about wanting another child, it's about what's best for the child, and it's usually best for a child to stay with his/her siblings if possible), and in the meantime, enjoy the ones already in the home.  But that's just me, and this is a huge decision that no one can make for you.