Adopting an older child who is older then our bio child?

Question

We have an almost 5 year old son. Docs say they don't want me to concieve again because of my age (over 35). However, we are going to try to concieve despite what the doctors say. Im VERY healthy, and VERY motivated. My spouse doesn't want to go for International adoption. Most of the children who are here in the states are older then our son. We would like to adopt to complete our family. Anyone ever experience anything like this?

Answer 1

Get another doctor. Women in my family all had babies in their 40's. Thirty - five? You're young.

Bad idea to adopt a child out of birth order. I would like to add, that you're wonderful for wanting to adopt a child that is older and needs a home. Just pick a child younger than you're son. Good luck.

Just letting anyone who might be reading this, that if you're 35 (or older) that should not scare you off from having a baby. The poster said that the doctor said because she was over 35 years old, she shouldn't have children. That's ridiculous. My comment was intended for ANYONE who's 35+.

Answer 2

I cannot understand why doctors are telling you not to concieve. Women know there bodies better than anyone else, and you feel fit, healthy and fertile then go for it! Your still young! I have never heard of 35 being too old to concieve! I say forget the adoption thing for a year, and have a good old bang at making another of your own!

Answer 3

Experienced something similar?  I was one of the older kids that you speak of. I was adopted given back, adopted given back adopted given back. The fact people want to adopt young kids and not the older ones.... is mean. Older kids and younger kids both need loving families. As a result of people only adopting young kids the older ones end up in long term care. It's think mind set that people like you have that are what is wrong with adoption. If you want to adopt a child age should not matter. Or it would appear that your not adopting for their best interest but for your own. Eventually these kids grow up to fill jails homeless shelters, drop in centers etc etc..

If you want to adopt a child age should not matter, and personally from experience.. you should not be allowed to give them back in exchange for another like you would a toaster oven... or some piece of ham you got from the deli.

Just reading these questions makes my stomach turn... these are not puppies at a pet shop! They are children  and every child deserves the same thing love. And if you can't love them despite their age then you got no business adopting in the first place. For a better idea of what happens to the older kids and the kinda lifestyles they are forced to live in click the first link but be forewarned the video is stomach wrenching... and heartbreaking.

Answer 4

If I remember correctly, which I'm not sure I do, isn't the reason your age is a factor because of Downs Syndrome. I was 35 when I had my last baby and I think I remember it being brought up.

Answer 5

Adopting a child who is in foster care awaiting a home is what adoption is all about - providing a home to a child who needs one

Thank you for considering the children who are in need of homes rather than joining the long queue of folks demanding a baybeeee!

All the best to you and your family

Answer 6

I say go ahead! For me,they still loveable at any age! I am sure your son love to have an older bro or sis.

Answer 7

The poster didn’t say she was 35, said she was over 35, she may be 38 or 39 or even in her early 40’s Not that that matters woman are having babies at later ages all the time. There was a woman about 2 years ago who had twins and she was in her 60’s.  So yeah if you feel able to carry and birth another child I say go for it. As far as adopting out age order some people frown on it. However it can be done probably even more if you’re doing it when your kid is younger. He’d probably have more of a deal about it if he was say an adolescent. If he wanted a child that was younger then your son you could probably find a 3 or  4 year old. You might even look at a small sibling group of 2.

Answer 8

Hi,

First get a second opinion from another doctor about conceiving.

Second, you have to decide before hand if adoption will meet the needs of both you and your spouse.  Then if you want and want to adopt an older child, it is a good idea, but note that you should read up on attatchment and behvaioural issues.  Adopting an older child while having a baby is a bad idea (if done at the same time) as the older child will need stability for awhil.e