Adopting babies?

Question

i would like to adopt a baby (meaning 2yrs and under) in the U.S., and would prefer babies who arent the typical healthy white infant, instead preferring to care for drug addicted babies, babies with obvious disabilities, or things like that......how difficult would it be? people with experience only, please. is it as costly and difficult as adopting a healthy newborn?

Answer 1

Call a private agency, pony up the money ($15,000 to $20,000) and get in line to wait a long time for your perfect white baby.  Yes it will be just as difficult.

Also, most infants to 2 year old would be in foster care and you don't want special needs and quite frankly, although you're just being honest, I don't think you'd be at the top of the list for an agency.

There aren't too many around.

Just so you know, I just did an adoption with an African American baby born addicted to cociane.....he was just over 5 pounds at birth......within 2 weeks he was 8 pounds...he is doing GREAT...no problems that we can see yet at almost a year.  He's a great little dude.

My friends didn't do drugs, had a perfect white baby with no drugs...he's autistic, severely...I think they still love him though...they're going to keep him.

There are no short cuts or promises in adoption.

Answer 2

I'd suggest talking to your state department of human services.  In addition to the "normal" requirements of adoptive parents, you would probably need to show that you could meet the special needs of the children you wanted to adopt.

Answer 3

It's getting harder and harder to adopt babies in China but i would apply for an adoption in a thirdw ourld contry. But any baby that is left for adoption isn't the typical baby.

Answer 4

I think the difficulty varies.  A couple I know had a Downs Syndrome daughter and decided not to have more children. Instead, they adopted another Downs syndrome baby girl about 6 months younger than their daughter and are raising them together. They felt that this was better than forcing her to compete with a normal child and they would likely be close sisters (they are sure cute - about 2 years old now).  Their adoption was actually quite quick and fairly easy despite being out of state, partly I'm sure because they could see the parent's motivation.  What made the whole situation interesting was that this couple had never planned to have children in the first place (for what reason, I've never enquired).

If you are interested in other types of babies, you should speak to Social Services about what kind of training would be valuable for the type of baby you might be looking for.  If you don't already have experience with injured babies, it might be a little harder, but it is actually less costly as the state will often assist with medical even after the adoption is final.

Answer 5

The process is different....

I have adopted two Special Needs siblings... both with some significant issues...  Our daughter is FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) Specifically ARND (Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder), which would have been true no matter how old she was when we adopted her and will be ture for the rest of her life.... Her brother was born addicted to Herion....and is developmentally delayed significantly, very small for his age and has a variety of health issue... I became his mommy when he was 1 yr old...

The Costs of Adopting a Special Needs child in the United States is generally Free or very close to it... and depending on the Special Needs there may be adoption assitance that can help cover some of the added costs and provide parents with Respite (qualified, trained and able child care providers so the parents/caregivers can have a break).

Generally, these children are in Foster Care having been born drug affected many enter foster care while the state works with the parents in an attempt to help them overcome their additcitons and be able to be safe families... Often these children are in foster care for a year or longer before the state determines that parents are unable or unwilling to follow the caseplan and take the right steps to be given their child back...

When the parents have failed to follow the case plan the state must look for relatives of the parents--who are willing and interested and pass a relative home study before they can consider any NON-Related person of family for adoption. And that can take time too... it can add another year if someone in the family expresses interest and changes their mind later or fails the relative homestudy....

If there are no relatives---then the Foster Family that has cared for the baby will become the Next Choice for the state to consider--as they have been caring for the baby and hopefully the baby has formed an attachment....

Only when the Foster Family was Never considered as an adoption placement (some do only agree to provide Foster Care with No intention of Adopting) or the Foster Family decides they cannot or are unable to adopt the child will there be a chance for families interested in Just Adopting to be considered.... Some of us choose this method as we have training and a belief that we can parent a child no matter what the issues are....

There may or may not be additional requirements in your state about Training and Certification for adopting a special needs child... But, there is almost always training that a person can take in order to understand the issues our children face and the ways we can Advocate for their needs...

The more you train, learn and understand the more you will be considered as a possible adoptive placement.

WE Special Needs parents also NEED more then anything else people willing to babysit or provide Respite... As our children cannot be left in the care of people who do not understand their special needs... My husband and I have not had a night out in 4 1/2 years.... let alone a weekend away... We can't just hire the neighbor girl or dump our children at Grandma's as she doen't know how to care for them either....

So....one way people interested and considering adoption of a special needs baby or child can really get an idea of what life is like--as well as training and a solid record of experience is to sign up, get trained and provide families like ours with the much needed break we could use--just to keep ourselves strong as parents....

WE NEED RESPITE and it is a great way to get first hand experience and training from parents who are doing it---and who live with it day in and out....as well as an understanding that drug effected babies don't grow out of it....Providing Respite not only Helps families like mine--but, gives you the whole picture....

You may also be interested in becoming a foster parent... obtaining the advanced certification for accepting medically fragile babies--or dealing with a baby that is coming out of drug addiction--or following surgery for any of the number of birth defects that alcohol and drug use casue new babies to need advanced medical care for....

Working with your local DHS and the system--providing Respite for our families--Fostering babies and children will add to your "resume" of expereince and also Pop any fantasy bubbles that you have...Taking these steps will not only help your community and allow you to feel that you are making a positive contribution but it will also make you more educated about what issues you might face....

Drug and Alcohol damaged children may not show many signs when they are under two---the damage they live with for the rest of their lives often doesn't SHOW up until they start to develop... Most Alcohol Damaged children do pretty well until about the 4th grade when thier disabilities start to interfere more and they develop secondairy behavior issues...

Working with respite and fostering as well as learning how these children do as they grow up and the kinds of issues you will need to Advocate will make it more possible for you to take the best care of a child you adopt....

It is wonderful that you want to adopt the babies under two but, I can say from personal experience the special needs of a drug or alcohol baby are very little when they are under 2... they may have the original birth defects and have overcome the addictions... which was hard and horrible but, then the the UnKnown issues start to show up....

Our son met all of his milestones under the age of 1.... he was walking at 1. and babbling... and seemed like any other 1 year old....but....by two he was not saying any words...he was not growing as fast as other 2 yr olds....he had tantrums that were a lot more intense then others....he had no fear and was driven to do "no-no's" in a way I had never seen a kid do...

By 3.... he was not potty trained--he was in speech classes and not talking...he would communicate with sign language but couldn't talk... he was advanced in large motor skills and could ride a bike--climb on everything and felt no pain... It became clear he had sleep problems....

By 4 he was starting to get potty training but would p**p in the yard and behind the sofa.... smear it on walls... He would get up at night and walk out of the house...lock himself in cars...or walk off with anyone....

By 6 which is his age now.... He cannot say his ABC's and doesn't understand what numbers mean...He can't tie his shoes or write his name... He can't say his phone number and doesn't understand boundaries...  He has tantrums because he is frustrated--he is very small and treated like a baby by everyone... He will still pee in the flower pot if I don't watch him... He holds Cats until the pee on him...

He has speach issues and kids don't understand him... He has odd thoughts and people think he is talking scary... Doctors tell me he needs a srink when I say I am not sure he is another "Steven King" or "Jeffery Dalmer"...

For some time he has fallen into the area of "normal" for that age... Then he was on the side of ...well a few kids still do that at that age....and now it is more clear that he has very real special needs... It is constant work...and requires attention... beating down doors for services, evaluations and what is needed so he can overcome his disabilities...

Getting him at 1 year didn't change the fact he has life long damage to his little brain... No amount of Love will cure him... The only real advantage of getting him so young is that he doesn't have the kinds of attachment issues that older children develop....

so.... I would encourage you to do respite...and to consider foster and learn what it means to love a drug effected or special needs child.... because they only stay little for a little while and then they pee in the flower pot until they are at least 6 and counting.....

Answer 6

Call your local DHS to find out about the process in your state.  Adopting through foster care is free in most states.

Stick around here and ask more questions.  You can learn A LOT about adoption on this site!  Good luck to you!

Answer 7

to Happy

my friend is a mother of a special kid and i know how hard it is for people and the school and even family to be understandable and supportive. I don't see her as a person doing this as glorified and I don't get upset of feel her life means i am not a good mom.

I could not do what my friend does everyday and I could not actually take care of her child for her...i don't know how. the best i can do is listen and understand that her role has nothing to do with mine. it is a hard time to be living where people don't understand.

I think the ideas of helping with caregiver relief are a great idea and that it would help someone very much to see the true day of life.

Answer 8

Well I imagine it would be the same process, but perhaps someone easier as you will have less paps to compete with ?

I think that is a very noble thing to do if the intent is genuine and 100% dedicated to the long haul and I wish you the best..

Happymomma - regarding this QUOTE "WE Special Needs parents also NEED more then anything else people willing to babysit or provide Respite... As our children cannot be left in the care of people who do not understand their special needs... My husband and I have not had a night out in 4 1/2 years.... let alone a weekend away... We can't just hire the neighbor girl or dump our children at Grandma's as she doesn't know how to care for them either...."UNQUOTE

Well guess what love, we parents that love our children don't hire the neighbor or dump them at Grandmas either..you don't have to be a SPECIAL NEEDS PARENTS To follow that rule..

I haven't had a night out since I had my first baby 4.5 yrs ago !

So its not a unique *entitled* special needs adopted baby thing...Its a loving nurturing Mother thing that isnt prepared to leave her child with anyone for self indulgent reasons...

So NO Sorry you dont get to hog the glory on this one