Adopting children from China?? Why??

Question

When there are sooooo many children in the foster care system here in America, why are so many people adopting from China. It is expensive, you don't speak the language and you actually have to go to China. I feel like to some people it is like a status symbol. Like they are weathy enough to get a designer orphan. I know, I know that probably sounds so horrible.... but really!? My dad and step mother adopted my 2 youngest sisters from SRS. They recieved financial support and I believe medical benefits for them. Why wouldn't someone choose an american child who desperately needs them. I don't know the exact cost but a cousin of mine recently adopted from China and I could have sworn they said it was like 15,000 dollars. Why? I am truly not on here to offend anyone. If someone has adopted from a foreign country could you fill me in on why you chose that route? Anyways...what are your thoughts??

Answer 1

I totally agree. We have kids here that need a good home. There are siblings that are split up because someone wont take them all. i think it is unfair to them. USA is suppose to be the best, but how can we be if we choose someone elses kids before our own???

Answer 2

I personally dont understand adopting out of ones own country either..I think look in your own backyard first ...take care of your own countries children First

Answer 3

I know what you are talking about, and it DOES NOT sound horrible it seems to be very true.  Everyone claims they want to help, and charity begins at home, here, in America (or whatever country you live in) I don't understand it either.  Being a foster parent is very rewarding, and so is helping a troubled child, but if you feel strongly that you want to help, I don't understand why you can't start here either. It only makes sense.  

The "too many parents have come back to claim their children" comment .. If you adopt a child out of foster care, the court has taken away parental rights at that point, and there is no way they can be reinstated.

I am sorry, no matter the state of the orphanage, no child deserves to be stuck in one, and I don't hear of other people in other countries running to save our kids like people in America do .. I mean .. START AT HOME.  Why is that so hard to see?  I am not against adopting from other countries, but it seems the people who claim they do it for the love of kids, or to help .. isn't it just as easy to help here?

I am going to add ONE more thing .. I am a foster parent for the state of Louisiana.  My mom just adopted (well over a year ago now) the foster child she has ahd in her home since he was 4 months old, he will be 4 next month.  Both of the children we had (they were siblings) came up for adoption within the year,My new brother, Joshua was 4 months old, Gordon was 1 1/2 when we got them.  (they had no immunizations, no records of ever seeing a doctor, both had signs of being born of a mom addicted to drugs, Gordon would eat from the trash and hide food under his pillow, he couldn't use utensils, was still on a bottle, had signs of sexual abuse, had NO verbal skills, was still crawling, they both had infections from not being circumsised AND not being clean in that area, they were under weight, sick, it was AWFUL)The reason I didn't adopt my G.G. was because I had a 9 month old and a 3 yr old when he came to live with me, and his aunt wanted to adopt him, had she not, I would have.  Adopting a child from foster care isn't that difficult if they have been in your home, you are already approved as a fitting parent, and the state pays for all expenses.  My mom had been divorced, twice actually, she had a criminal record (D.U.I when she was 19), she is a smoker, she doesn't own a home, she rents, she works full time, she has a bad credit history, yet she was still able to adopt him.  It isn't as difficult as people make it out to be.  To be a foster parent you can be married, single, own, rent, be g*y, be a smoker, work full time, you have to prove that you and your home, at the current time, are fit to care for a child.  You have to show your vehicles are all legal, your past offenses have been cleared, you can pay your own bills without the child's monthly check, you have to attend parenting classes, you have to be visited my a psychologist, you can have alcohol, guns and even p**n in your home (not kid p**n obviously) as long as all of these things are safely kept awya from the kids, your animals have to have their current shots, your home must have running water, a working stove and oven, fire extinguishers, smoke detecors, each child must have their own bed, pillows, blankets and clothes, It isn't difficult, you can also choose to only be a foster parent to those that seem more likely to be available for adoption.  In most cases, the parents have 1 year to meet the requirements to get their kids back, and then the judge decides whether or not to terminate the rights or extend their time.  Extensions are only for parents who are making a valid effort in meeting the requirements.  Those are FACTS!!!  Now, knowing all of this, I am sorry, I know how easy it is to START AT HOME!!  I have done it, in a trailer, on one income, with two children of my own, with the help of my friends and my family, in the middle of the night, this child was dropped off to me, with no posessions, and by daylight, and not spending a DIME, I had him a toy box full of toys, a closet full of clothes, his own bed, his own pillow, his own matching bedding, shoes, books, everything, I gave him a wonderful Christmas and Easter and birthday out of my own pocket, he called me mom, and my husband dad, I still have his pictures on my walls, I will love him forever.  WIthin two weeks I had his shots up to date, he had seen a specialist to confirm his sexual abuse, I had therapists in my home three days a week, one speech, one physical, and one for the state.  All with a limited income, limited space, and 2 children of my own.  It is NOT THAT HARD TO HELP A CHILD!!!!

TO MVP WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS ::::: I did not say there aren't instances where people come back for their kids .. WHAT I DID SAY is when a JUDGE terminates a parents rights after their CHILD(REN) HAVE BEEN IN FOSTER CARE .... THERE IS NO WAY EVER EVER EVER EVER FOR THOSE RIGHTS TO BE REINSTATED .. THE STATE GIVES EACH PARENT 1 YEAR TO MEET A LIST OF REQUIREMENTS AND AT THE END OF THE YEAR IT GOES IN FRONT OF A JUDGE FOR REVIEW, AND WHAT THE JUDGE SAYS IS FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  MY SOURCE ::::: READ THE ABOVE .. THIS IS NOT A STORY OF A FRIEND OF A FRIEND OF A FRIEND OF MINE .. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AND MY FAMILY RECENTLY ...!

Answer 4

Well I maybe wrong, but I have read articles and watched some specials on this subject, so here goes:

China has strict policies regarding how many children you can have.  I don't remember the specifics, but it was something like if you have more than one you start losing priviledges.  So most couples only want one and they want it to be a boy to carry on the family name (lame and shallow but the way it is).  It is highly regarded over there to give birth to a son, so many couple who get pregnant with a girl will just, "get rid" of her.  Often by just leaving her on a doorstep of one of the shabby over crowded orphanages.  Some of these orphanages are SO poor and SO overcrowded that they actually have whats called a "dying" room.  This is a room where they simply leave a baby they have no room for in there to die . . . no food . . . no cuddles . . . no nothing . . . just days of starvation before death.  On Oprah one time they actually showed the footage of an ematiated baby chinese girl in one of these rooms making her last few cries before finally dying.  Moved me to tears instantly.   I guess these horrendous conditions motivate a few couples to go out their way to save a baby Chinese girl from the "dying room". . . I doubt it was for fashion reasons. . .

Answer 5

Actually, adopting from China averages around $30,000, sometimes more.   (I'm pretty positive about that, I've never heard it being as cheap as $15k! Maybe for a special needs child?) The wait is also over 2 years.

I have wondered the same thing.  But I guess some people really have their hearts set on China, and feel called to adopt from that country.  I guess it would be like asking a pregnant women why they didn't adopt instead of get pregnant.

Another reason is because adopting from foster care comes with alot of red tape.  Usually, To get a child around the age of Chinese orphans (9-18 months), you would have to foster first and then adopt the child.  To me, it would be very hard fostering a child and not knowing for sure if you would be able to adopt.  Also, the CPS system is one big headache having to deal with the caseworkers, courts and more.  Adopting from China is a done deal.

Another reason is because Chinese orphans are generally very healthy.  Whereas, children from the foster care system have usually been exposed prenatally to drugs, alchohol, etc.

You have a good point though.

Answer 6

I adopted my son here in America but have considered foreign adoption if we adopt again. One reason being that the condition of orphanages in other countries is horendous compared to hear. I just read a book about orphanages in Africa where the children share cloth diapers with other children who have AIDS and a multitude of other diseases. Many of these orphanages average 20 plus infant deaths a year because of the horrible living conditions.

I recommend reading a book called Love in the Driest Season. It will really open your eyes to the problems other countries face with their orphans. It's very sad!

Fortunately it is not like that here in America. Maybe that is why some people choose foreign adoption.

Answer 7

To Robin D my little sister was adopted when she was three and we had had her since she was a day old then when she was 8 her birth mother had shown up at our door wanting her back and took us to court which was a total waste of time on every ones part but still freaked us out that she was trying to do this. We won this but we had to move and get a restraining order because she kept coming to our house. So this is not an urban myth it has happened

Answer 8

My co-worker adopted from China.

She told me at this time, their government allows only one child per family, and only males.  This is the law.  So if any woman is pregnant after having one child, their options: a free abortion (that is paid by the govt) or else they abandon the child (for fear of breaking the law).  If their first born is a girl, they opt for one of the two above also.  Thus, most of the adopted children are the ones that are abandoned - found on the streets, left to die.  

I personally applaud people who adopt from China.  They are saving a life.  The fees are for traveling of the social worker, and legal fees - agencies in the US have fees for the same reason.  I think the only non fee adoptions are private ones.

Answer 9

People choose international adoption to receive an infant and when you go international you are not "in competition" with other parents.  There I said it.  I did not choose to do this, but we were rreally reallly close.  We did though choose to put thazt 25K down on a house for the adopted children we are getting.

New info:  The China Policies have now been changed and there are now MORE adoptive parents than children.  So if "saving" a child is your motive, move on to another country or right here in our countries.  (I am from Canada)

Answer 10

We adopted our daughter from China in 1997.  At the time, she was 16-months old.  If I had to do it all over again, I would have done the same thing.

When we looked into adopting, we checked our numerous avenues.  Originally, we wanted to adopt from the U.S. but there was a minimum wait of at least 7 years.  Even then they couldn't guarantee anything.

In a way, I was glad that we decided against adopting in the U.S.   Why?  Because many people have open adoptions which I don't like at all.  If I am going to adopt a child or have a child of my own, I don't want to have guidelines and/or restrictions of what I can or cannot do.  

I was adopted when I was 6 weeks ago.  I later found & visited my natural mother.  When I was 3-years-old she wanted me back & was considering doing so.  Because she was "made" to sign me over because she was under the age of 18 when she had me, once she turned 18 she could have gone through the the process & gotten me back.  But b/c of other reasons, she did not go through with it.

Answer 11

My aunt adopted from china, and my sister is in the process of adopting from china.

My sister has been on a waiting list to adopt here in the US for 7 years! 7 Years!!!!! And no, she wasn't asking just for an infant. She was willing to take a child up to 5 years old, disabilities didn't matter! Still nothing. You mean to tell me there are no children, 5 yrs old, who need parents? Bull c**p! Then she was given the run-around b/c she was going back to college to get her masters in education. The courts didn't feel it was appropriate for her to take in a child, then "not be there" b/c she was in school 3 nights per week. Huh?

My aunt has been trying to adopt for years as well. She had no age limit. But they kept getting the run-around on adopting from the US. They weren't married long enough. They were criticized by the court system for adopting when they could have biologicals of their own! They had to go through counseling first. That wasn't good enough. They didn't have a good enough house in the right neighborhood in the richest part of town. They were too old (early 40's). She didn't work. That was frowned upon, so she got a job. Then she working too much. They told her she'd never be home. It was one bull-c**p excuse after the other for them as well!

China just wants to find a good loving home for any child. They didn't care that they were in their 40's. Didn't care what kind of house it was, as long as it had a roof on it. Didn't care how long they were married, as long as they were devoted to the child. Took them only 2 years to get a child from china.

It had nothing to do with money for either of my family members. They simply wanted a child. And didn't appreciate the c**p from the US courts.

Answer 12

Well in China those children raised in foster care are not very well taken care of and have a very low chance of ever bieng adopted. Children in foster care her are vert luck and have a decent life.

Answer 13

A quick note to mvpwarner13: In less than 1% of the adoptions, parents change their minds. That's according to the adoption agencies themselves. What you & others see in the media is often grossly misrepresented.  

Fathers who were never given a say in relinquishing their child have gone to court. In some cases, mom has changed her mind. In many of these cases, the prospective adoptive parents know within a few days or weeks that a parent is contesting, or has had a change of heart.  All adoptions have a waiting period before becoming final.

Yet, in those that get the most media attention, the PAP refused to return a child that is not yet legally theirs! Even when ordered to do so by a judge. They stall and use every legal tactic at their disposal in an effort to keep someone else's child, often dragging out the ordeal for a year or two. All the while doing their best to garner the public's sympathy, saying they have "bonded" with the child. Never admitting that they were notified within a few days.  

I have never read of any case where an adoption was finalized, and a year or two later a birth parent challenged the adoption in court. EVER.  That's an urban legend...another  one of many false myths surrounding adoption.

GREAT question...I'd like to know why myself, considering there are about 130,000 kids in foster care available for adoption. Many who's parent's rights have been terminated. I just heard a man on talk radio saying he & his wife adopted 2 girls from China (aged 2 & 4) and were getting ready to adopt a 9 year old boy.  Why not a child in the American foster care system? Are they somehow less deserving?

ETA: mvpwarner13, again, you are missinformed, or missed the point of Ms. Butterfly's statement.  In foster care, once parental rights are TERMINATED (not "signed away", as you mention in your story), parents cannot come back "years later" to reclaim the child.

As for the father who wasn't informed about his own child, do you mean to say that if a father is not informed he has a child & has not relinquished his child, he should not have a right to parent his own child? Would you want your child stolen from you without your knowledge or consent? Presently, father's rights vary greatly from one state to another and are not protected as a constitutional right.

ETA: Megan; Thanks for the input. There's a 1st for everything. That's the 1st time I've EVER heard of something like that happening. I was adopted at age 3 from foster care. I don't know what state you're in. But in Calif., foster homes can be "confidential", without their names mentioned in the routine court docs.

ETA: Mrs. Butterfly, thanks for a FULL & comprehensive response including the details of fostering & adopting in your state. Very similar to those in California.  You're awesome & I'm sending out hugs to you for taking care of kids in need. I have TONS of respect for good (wonderful) foster parents like you.  

Just one thing...I respectfully disagree that b/c the kids 'hadn't been circumcised' they had infections.  I'm not doubting that they had infections...don't get me wrong.  But medical studies have proven that circumcision does not prevent infection. My son is not circumcised and has NEVER had a single infection or problem in over 22 years. We did our homework before deciding not to circumcise our son (read the research, studies, medical reports, etc.)

Anyway...God bless you & your family. And thanks so much for putting in the full story!

Answer 14

I read one adoptive mom say that she doesn't want any "birth mama drama" for her reasons of having an international adoption.

Others say they're not equipped to handle the emotional problems that foster children come with but I read on the childwelfare website AND the foster care alumni website that international adoptees have a comparable rate of emotional and developmental issues as foster children.

regardless there are alot of children around the world who need help. alot of social systems that need reforming.

Answer 15

All children regardless of nationality need a loving home.

Answer 16

Because there have been too many instances where a family has adopted a baby, raised it for a couple years and the natural mother (or father) has come back and gone to court and won custody of the child.  Too many judges feel that the child is better off with the natural parent.  It is less likely to happen when the child is adopted from another country.

To Mrs. Butterfly:  That is not true.  I can think of two cases in particular where a natural parent has come back and won custody of the child.  One was a father who claimed he wasn't told that he had a child.  The other was a mother who claimed she was on crack when she signed away her rights, but cleaned herself up.  I'm sure there are more.

Answer 17

We adopted two children (biological siblings) from overseas.  

Honestly, I get irritated at the 'there are so many kids in the US that need families' question.  It's presumptuous and judgemental.  I have to wonder why people who ask this question don't ask pregnant couples why they don't adopt children from the US foster care system instead of procreating.  

After thinking long and hard about our adoption options (and considerable research), we first tried the US infant adoption route with no success.  We then considered the overseas route vs the foster care system route.  I have considerable experience in child/adolescent psychology, as part of my job.  I have worked with many very traumatized children, dealt with distraught foster parents and know for a fact that DSS does not always disclose everything to potiential adoptive parents.  We made a very informed decision -not- to go through the US foster care system based upon my work experience.    We felt that the damaged children through the foster care system would be more than we could handle, as a family.  We could not handle a child with FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) or severe behavioral issues and moreover, we felt it was not fair to our biological child.  

I heartily admire people who are choose this route for adoption.  It takes immense patience, discipline, and consistency.  And it isn't for everyone.  

Our foster care system is so broken that by the time children are available for adoption, more often than not, they have serious emotional issues that need intense treatment.  If a family decides that they are unable to meet those obligations, they shouldn't be judged and condemned for their decision.

Answer 18

Westerners taking advantage of the fact that poor chinese mothers just can't afford to pay the fines for having more than one child or the license fee required to have a child in the first place.

Answer 19

ummmm...when you said "i know that sounds horrible" you were right, your comment does sound horrible.

what makes a child from china less of a human then a child from America? they are both humans, they are both equal. a homeless child here is a child who suffers and  a homeless child in china is also a child who suffers. children here have way more opportunities than children in china. there is foster home abuse here and do you know the Chinese equivalent to foster home abuse? it often prostitution for the girls and hard labor for the boys. sure that probably doesn't happen much but what i want to know is what difference does it make if a child is from here or from china-both don't have parents and both need a home. just because one is from the US doesn't make him/her more in need or more deserving which is what i think you are basically trying to say with this question.

Answer 20

YOU ARE BEING REALLY RUDE!!!  My little sister is from China!  My parents adopted her to HELP and SAVE a child, not so they can have a "designer orphan".  People don't adopt people from here as much for several reasons...  1. birth parents can take them back.  2.  It is expensive too!  3.  Other children are in need of help in other countries too!  4.  Most of U.S kids are suffering from diseases, abuse, and other unstable conditions that some can't look after!  5.  THEY WANT TO HELP!  Please, don't post another question like this.  Some people actually like to help people of different cultures.

Answer 21

Honestly who knows. Everyone is different. We all make different choices in our lives and people will choose to adopt from wherever they feel is right for them .  :)

Answer 22

the states have some insane expectations to adopt,like if you have ever been divorced,your type of job even if good money,if you own or rent...so,international can be easier,minus the distance.