Adopting my step daughter

Question

Raised her since she was 5, she is now 10. Her biol. mom lost custody - drug use and being psychologically unstable, has not spoken to my step daughter or given financial support x 5 years. She also lost custody of her other 5 kids and they all live w/ their dads. I want to adopt her and my step daughter wants me to adopt her as well (she calls me mom) the problem is...

We told her aunt from her mother's side our adoption plans and she said that the biological mom has already lost full custody of 2 kids and is going to court to lose another one and if we take her to court to adopt my step daughter, she will kill herself. Her aunt said that I would be the reason that she will ultimately commit suicide. Now I'm having 2nd thoughts, but we want to do what's right for my step-daughter. NOTE: her biological mom has already attempted suicide 4 times for various reasons.

What do you all think about this situation???

Answer 1

I say go for it.  If she already lost her rights, does she really have to go to court again for this?  I'm not sure on that one.  I think adopting her is right for all the right reasons.  And you are not responsbile for the mother's actions.  She's already suicidal and seems like there are tons of other reasons.  

Answer 2

First of all i think you should tell a local police officer about the situation in attempting suicide. Then once that is being delt with, i say adopt your step daughter.

       PS i think you are thinking amazingly, you obviously have a great heart

Answer 3

Oh for pity's sake.  You are letting an aunt commit emotional blackmail!  If this child's biological mother commits suicide, it is due to her own issues, not because of your actions.  It is good of you to not want to cause someone's death, but this is not the way to prevent her from commiting suicide.

Given that your husband is supportive, irritated by the aunt's comments and ready to go forward, and your stepdaughter wants this, I would argue that it's time to go forward and not allow this aunt to dictate your actions.    

Answer 4

Wow, what a tough choice, I would go ahead and adopt your daughter though. I didn't lose any sleep on what my daughter's biological father would do to himself or how he would feel, when I adopted her. I figured he had his chance, he blew it by being an abuser of not only drugs and alcohol, but also of my wife when they were married. He made no effort to make things right or support her in anyway, and if he somehow had love for her as his flesh and blood, you couldn't tell it.

I'd tell that B of an aunt to your daughter that the reason someone commits suicide, is because they choose to do it, rather than making the effort to deal with their problems, and completing the mother daughter bond with your little girl is in your and your daughter's best interest, you owe biological mom nothing, because she has done nothing to be the mother of your little girl.

Answer 5

For a moment I thought that you were writing this for me.  I take care of my step children who have not seen there mother in 3 years and the aunt on her side is fighting us for custody of the daughter...but not the son.  Its weird huh?!?  

I would say go with your instincts and if she kills herself its not because of you.  She might do it anyway.  What does your husband think of it?  My husband asked me to wait a couple more years.  But his kids are only 4 and 6.  I would do it if I were you.