Adopting my unborn child?

Question

I am 6 weeks pregnant ad I am highly considering puting my baby up for adoption. I am 28 and got pregnant for all the wrong reasons. Financially I can't keep the baby. My sister has been trying for years to have children and can't. I have offered to be a surrogate and she declined. But here I am 6 weeks preggo and I am considering letting her adopt my baby(though she has no clue yet, no one does). A lot of my friends say it would be a bad idea knowing that she's the parent now and I am just an "aunt". My ex boyfriend (the father) says he will not sign any papers if I were to have my sister adopt the baby. I'd like for my sister and her husband to parent the child because that way I know my baby will be going to a good home.

Answer 1

yes,please try to beg your sister to keep the baby;sue the scumbag for child support ...... you could always get a rich couple to pay for your birth and say you will give them the baby and then keep it and give it to your sister ; but the baby should be kept in your family

Answer 2

My suggestion is take your time and think about what you want to do.  You have plenty of time, don't rush into anything.

If you are adamant that you do not want to parent this child be completely open, honest and upfront with your sister, and expect her to do the same.

You may see this as an answer to her problem and yours but she may not see it that way.

Answer 3

I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation and hope that you will be able to make the right decision for you and your child. You seem very rational and able to assert good judgment. I don't have any advice for you but I did want to say that as a woman waiting to adopt our 1st, I commend you and applaud your decision to not abort.

Answer 4

Please do some indepth research on the financial assistance that is available to you and your child.

http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/howtoapply/

Government program with contacts for each state WIC (Women, Infants, Children)

http://www.fns.usda.gov/fsp/

Federal government food stamp program

http://www.insurekidsnow.gov/

Government health insurance for your child

Also check out sites for single mom's. You might find some  stories by women who have been in a similar situation that will help you understand that you can do it! You can raise your child despite not being wealthy.

http://www.singlerose.com/index.html?Ros...

http://singlemomsconnect.com/

http://www.singlemothers.org/

Look at these sites for more information and support in keeping your child.

http://originsusa.memberlodge.org/

http://motherhelp.info/keepingyourchild....

Mother/infant separation causes a life time of grief and emotional pain for both the mother and child. I lost my son to adoption many years ago. It is an incredibly painful experience and one that I would not recommend.

Please consider making a parenting plan. You still have time to figure things out. If you do decide to go with adoption wait until after your child is born and you have time to hold and further bond with your son or daughter. Adoption is permanent. Terminating your parental rights is permanent.

***********

Best of luck.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry for both of you. I wouldn't give my child up to my sister for I would always know that the child is mine and she would feel someone is always watching her. Look if he doesn't want the baby then there is a couple out there that would love to share their home with this gift from god. My son has been fighting for his son that was put up for adoption (which his son can't be adopted)  with out his consent and you can not believe the heartach it has caused. On the other hand my youngest can never have a child  without adoption. So I see both ways. I have heard from so many b-moms that wish that they could un do their adoptions  so i'm sorry if i can't answer your question. But if you decide to give your child up give the baby a fresh start.

Answer 6

Please keep your baby and have the father pay child support

A baby needs his or her mother.  There is no replacement for you.

Answer 7

I totally understand were you are coming from. But you have to think about the baby right now and not what these others are telling you about aborting it. I think abortion is very very wrong my self .I've been in your shoes. I had a son 7 yrs ago that I had to give up for adoption for the same reason. And if your sister decides not to adopt the baby me and my husband will. And yes we are serious.

Answer 8

This is your decsion and you know whats best for the baby. It's sad that the father will not get involved or i should say at least acknowlede that this baby will be born. I would do a lot of research on the subject of adoption so you can come to an informed decsion on the matter. I believe making this choice has to be very hard for you. Considering the child should be of upmost importance. If you decide to give this baby up for adoption and if your sister can adopt. Do you want to be in contact with the child? Maybe considering an open adoption may be good. In closing again- you know what is best for you and your situation. Don't let any one tear you down.

Answer 9

how freaking selfish are you to make a baby and dump it on someone else because it is "inconvienient" for you!!!!

You are disgusting !!

Answer 10

It seems to me that you have a huge heart and a lot of love for this child. I hope your sister will adopt the baby so you can watch it grow up and be there for all of his/her big moments. I was adopted (after many attempts by my biological grandmother to pay my mom to abort me) and I believe that people who are able to see that their child could have a better life with someone else are mature beyond their years. Good for you and I hope that there are many happy years ahead for you. Don't let people on this board upset you. You know in your heart the right thing for you. Now the only thing left to do is talk to your sister to see if she is on the same page.

Answer 11

I didn't read all of the comments on this one but has anyone brought up open adoption?  I gave my son up when I got pregnant at 15 and it has worked out great. In an open adoption you pick the parents and can visit. Email me if you have questions.

Answer 12

I would let one of my sisters raise my baby if I couldn't afford to have it. I think that the father if he would be ignorant enough not to sign the papers should'nt have a say anyway. And I think your sister and her husband sounds like a great option - and that way you KNOW your baby will always be taken care of by someone who loves it unconditionally. I have 2 if their father had denied to sign the papers then I wouldn't have given him a chance to be a father if he came back in the long run. Talk it over, ask your sister if she is willing and tell her it is actually happening. I think it would bring your sister and you even closer. But your still not very far along, and keep all your options open. Good luck!

Answer 13

people like you make me sick ... alot of loving parents can NOT make children and sick people like you just "pop" them out and abandon them ...... I hope you are really proud for s******g up this child's life !!!

Answer 14

you should abort

Answer 15

Well...discuss this with your sister first and foremost. Secondly as the mother you have more rights than the father does. It might be a long process to get to where you want to go with this but it is not impossible.

Answer 16

i think that if the father of your child does not want to father the child and wants you to abort it, that he should have no say in what happens to the child. don't put him on the birth certificate and he won't have a say. i think it's a great thing that you want to give your child to your sister to raise. at least you have realized that you cannot provide for this child in the manner that you would like and wish for the baby to have a better life.

Answer 17

I think that is the best thing to do. If you know that your sister really wants a baby and will take good care of your baby I woudl say go for it. I put a baby up for adoption myself. I must say it isn't the easiest thing to do, but it shows that you really care for your baby enough to make sure that it is taking care of, My Son just turned 7. When I found out that I was expecting, I knew right off the bat that I was going to find a couple who really wanted kids before I said ok. I was able to pick out the parents and make sure they were good people. So I wish you luck and I know that you are on the right track. Maybe later on down the line the child will come back into your life. Just be ready to answer his/her question on the adoption situation.

Answer 18

I think the problems with yr sis adopting is that you will have a problem of not being possive of the child.  Is an open adoption with the sis a possiblty?  I think the father can stop an adoption, maybe a lawyer can clarify that problem.

Answer 19

It sounds to me like this child is NOT unloved otherwise you wouldn't be putting yourself through so much if you didn't love this child i respect you very much for tying to get the baby a happy and loving family and you will still be in the babies life good luck with all of it

Answer 20

If you intend to have this child - the best options for the child are -

1. to stay with their biological mother (you) if at all possible. Infants suffer a great loss when they are separated from their mothers - and mothers suffer greatly also.

2. if keeping the child is really not possible (and the father doesn't want to parent) then being cared for by another family member is the next best thing.

3. if there is no one in the family that can care for the child - then another family must be found.

If you do intend on going down the adoption route - make sure that you try your hardest to have an open adoption - and do not lie to the child - saying that you are not the mother - as this can cause no end of trauma for the child one day when they find out the truth.

Being in regular contact with the child is what is best for the child. It's very hard to grow up not knowing your mother and father - as we all carry so many traits/genetics from our bio parents - it's essential to know and see that growing up.

Read LOTS. You are in the very early days of pregnancy. Make sure you go into this all with your eyes wide open.

Adoption - even within the same family - can still mean a whole lot of pain for you and for the child.

Children WANT to be loved and wanted by their own mothers. It's a primal thing. It just is how it is.

First mother blogs -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

Adoptee blogs -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

Books you should read -

http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?page...

I wish you all the very best.

Answer 21

please don't bring another unloved baby into the world ......

Answer 22

I think you are trying to do what's best for your baby.

Answer 23

What about the father , what about his rights to a child that is 50% his maybe you should ask him what he wants maybe he would like to raise the child , and did you ever think that maybe this child deserves to know and be raised by their father

Answer 24

The main person to by law that gets to pick the parents they want to adopt your child is YOU...

The only way the father can change that is if he takes you to court and either says he wants the baby or he can PROVE that the people you are wanting to raise your baby are unfit,,,

So tell him it is your choice and he will have to live with it..

As for your sister raising your child.  I worry about years later all of you telling this child that the one that he thought was his aunt is really his mom..

Can you not have your sister raise your child and have it still grow up knowing you are his mom..  In the long run that might be a better idea..

Good Luck..

Answer 25

If he has no intention of raising or supporting the child, then he has no say in your decision to place the child in an adoptive family.  Get him to sign the papers for termination of paternal rights; this will end his liability for child support payments and you will be able to make your decision without his interference.  You have no idea how your sister will respond to this idea, although it sounds like a good one.  Find a social worker who help you prepare the termination papers and get him to sign them as soon as the child is born.

Answer 26

My heart goes out to you!  What a difficult situation you are in and a very hard decision to make!  It sounds like you know what you want to do and don't let others discourage you from it.  There are a lot of people here on Y!A that are so against adoption!!!  They have had bad experiences and so they want to discourage anyone else from adoption.

I have never been on your end, facing what you now face, but I have been in your sister's place.  Myhusband and I have tried for over 7 years to conceive with no success.  After many tests, several different fertility drugs, 2 surgeries, many blood tests and a lot of heartache and disappointment, we finally turned to adoption.  We just adopted a beautiful baby girl in June and she is the light of our lives.  We love her absolutely just as much as we ever would have loved a biological child and maybe even more because of all we had to go through to get her.  

You are doing a beautiful, selfless thing for your sister and she will be forever grateful to you for this!!!  I am so sorry that your boyfriend is fighting you on this!  You are doing a good thing giving your baby a life and not killing it.  Maybe his heart will soften in time.  Also, I wouldn't tell your family about your intentions until you are VERY VERY sure that you are going to go through with it.  It would be extremely devastating to your sister and her husband to get their hopes up and then to have them crushed if you changed your mind.  Trust me, my husband have been there twice!!!  We had 2 adoptions fall through for totally different reasons before this adoption finally worked out.  

I wish you the best of luck with everything!!!  Ultimately, you are the one that has to make the decision because you will be the one that has to live with it and the consequences either way.  May God bless you and help you through this difficult time!

Answer 27

Well it will come down to him signing the papers and if he doesn't then it will be him that will be the next in line to adopt/keep your child since you do not want it.

He may be wanting you to have an abortion because of your intentions.

Answer 28

Pampers are cheap at Babies R Us or online in bulk from them at

http://www.toysrus.com/search/index.jsp?...

you'll need receiving blankets,burpie cloths,onsies,a crib,Playtex Drop Ins bottles with Parents Choice Liners;

You will qualify for WIC so you can get formula and food for yourself for free

www.freecycle.org you can get free stuff from people like cribs,strollers,baby clothes,car seats

Congratulations !!!

I know you will LOVE your baby and keep it ....

There is no such thing as "can afford " a baby .......

be happy with what God gives you ....

Answer 29

well; it is sad to see you wirte "I am not here to hear things like that" ... the truth hurts sometimes,and being selfish doesn't change REALITY !!

You are financially stable to have a child;teenagers have children and raise them in this country everyday;

my wife and I waited ten years to have a child until we could "afford it" and now my employment industry tanked... I would not for one second get rid of my son;you are a selfish pig !!!

Answer 30

aww i'm sorry people are jackasses ... you sound like a good loving person. i suggest you keep the baby and maybe get some help from your family money wise if you need it...i also think your idea is great.

your x is a jackass that should rot in h**l

Answer 31

Just to all these people who are saying the father has no say, that is a load of c**p. The child is also his and he has just as much right as the mother. Women just think oh well i went through the 9 months carrying it and i went through the pain having it and I'm its mother so you have no say, get over yourselves!

Anyways about your question, do you know if your sister is going to accept? Maybe you should just mention it to her before you stress yourself out, as for the father i think he was wrong for telling you to get an abortion when there is someone there that could love and care for this child. There are so many couple out there that could be the best of parents but cant have kids of their own, and your sister and her husband is probably one of them. Maybe you should look into getting some legal advice and see what your best option is.