Adopting question.?

Question

Okay- I have a 13 month old son. His biological father is not on the birth certificate nor has he filed any kind of acknowledgment of paternity papers. He is in prison until 2010. Bad situation, I know- don't criticize! Anyways, for longer than I have had my child, I have had a loving fiance. We are planning on marrying in 2009. My son is his son: by choice, by love. A court issue was just resolved between myself, the sperm donor, and his mother. It was a petition for grandparent visitation. The court was in her favor. So, maybe on the records now, the court would have the bio-father as the father. So, me and my fiance are planning to get married and he loves our son and wants to adopt him so that everything can be in our favor. No drama. I agree. The whole thing with the sperm donor, is that he doesn't really care. It would be no loss to him. So- how hard would it be to get this process taken care of? Having our son be his legally. ? Please and thank you !

Answer 1

I dont know much on the subject except that its a long drawn out process, i have never had to go through this myself but knew someone who had. But the situation was diff. the sperm donor was a crazy stalker and they had to put up an ad in the paper for something like 5 months and see if the bio would answer it, and if not the father could adopt, but theres also legal c**p you have to go through too including full lenght backround checks, hope this helps sorry i dont know more, we live in ga so rules may be different from state to state....

Answer 2

It is a very lengthy process.  He will have to have a background check, be approved as an adotive parent, then he will sign adoptive papers, the biological father will probably have to sign papers to terminate his rights (your attorney should take care of this for you), then your fiancee will have a six month waiting period to make sure the child is well taken care of, and then finally the papers will be finalized and the adoption complete.  The whole process will probably take 1- 1 1/2 years.

Answer 3

Get a lawyer.

Answer 4

I think it varies from state to state.  In WI, the first father has to sign his rights away, end of story.  If he doesn't sign his rights away then step parents can not adopt.  You could go thru the courts and declare him an unfit father but I've heard it rarely happens.

You maybe mad at yourself or at your son's father but get over it.  Stop calling him the "sperm donor", it will hurt your son.  Let your son have a relationship with his grandparents.  They can be supervised visits at first.  The more people who love your son the better.  Good luck with your marriage!  I wish you and your son all the best:)

Answer 5

Perhaps it wouldn't be a loss to the "sperm donor."  

But what loss would it be to your son to have half of his biological identity stripped away?  Your son's grandparents clearly do care.  Why wouldn't you want them in his life?

Answer 6

it might vary by state but in ours you must be married for 2 years to do a step parent adoption. I would start by making sure bio father gets paternity test (even if you know for sure he's the father. That way he cannot deny the child is his). And write and let him know you plan to have your new husband adopt and you hope he agrees. This will shorten the process when you start it in a few years. If you wait then you'll still have to do the tests and all that before an adoption takes place. You as a single parent can have his last name be changed to new boyfriend/hubby at any time so the child won't have to go thru learning a new last name in a few years. The parents names on b/c will stay the same for now though.

Answer 7

Ok that's fine and lovely but 'sperm donor' this child may some day feel this derrogatory term reflects upon him - he is 50% of his 'sperm donor'.  Insult the father, and you are insulting the child kwim.

The most civilised thing to do would be to discuss the situation with the father and his family, and come to an agreement, rather than going behind their backs.