Adopting siblings together at the same time...?

Question

easier for the adoptees? Or harder? Why?

Answer 1

While we didn't adopt our children all at the same time, we did adopt all three of them because they are siblings.  Our DS came home in 2005, DD #1 came home in 2006, and DD #2 came home in 2007.    

DH and I didn't want to have the kids separated.  We adopted all three to keep them together.  Having kids 3 1/2, 2 and under 1 is sure difficult for us but look at what they have to gain...they have each other.

Answer 2

I wouldn't separate siblings.  They've already lost family, so why make them lose ALL of their family?

Answer 3

For my little girls - MUCH EASIER..for parents and children. These little girls have had each other...it's been the only consistent in their life. The girls, almost 4 and the twins 2 - are going through some of the same emotional adjustments...we know how to help them to adjust because we have seen it before  in another sibling. It is a wonderful situation - but not for the faint at heart. You must be adopting for the right reasons. You must be willing to sacrifice a lot of time, energy and prayers for your children as they learn to trust and love you completely. www.adoptive-parenting.com

Answer 4

If you think that you are going to eventually adopt more than one child, then it's much easier to just go ahead and adopt a sibling set. You only have to go through the process once.  Besides, there are lots of siblings waiting for homes. I adopted a sibling pair last year, and they really appreciated having each other while going through the transition to live with us strangers.  

You asked about adopting siblings 'together' at the same time. I hope you aren't thinking of splitting up siblings. That would be horribly traumatic.  Our kids have older siblings that are not eligible to be adopted, and we have a tough time with that. At least our kids understand why they can't be in their first/real/natural/birth ;)  home.  I can't imagine if our two had then been put into separate homes as well.

Answer 5

I think it is horrific to separate siblings in an adoption process.

Answer 6

My sister-in-law adopted 3 siblings at the same time.  She already had 2 kids.  It worked out great.  There were some rough spots, sure, but I think it helped the kids adjust as they already knew each other.

Answer 7

Depends on how old they are. It's always easier if they're with a sibling because they have each other. At the same time, if there are behavior issues, there are twice as many to confront, they'll be working together, and will be fighting for the new parents' attention in whatever way they can.

Answer 8

I am a firm believer that no bio sibs should be separated.  They've already lost their bio parents, to lose their sibs would be a real blow to their little psyches.  I was offered two little girls then after all was said and done the worker said they had decided to only adopt out the older one because the younger one was so damaged they didn't think should could handle a family setting and needed to be institutionalize for life.  She was 2 years old!  I asked her 4 year old sister (they apparently fought non stop) if she would be happier staying with her sister or having her sister go live with someone else.  The look on her face was all the answer I needed.  But she told me in no uncertain terms that her "baby" had to come with her and that she "takes care of her because she is her Mom".  She had put herself into the Mom role with her sister.  Not healthy and needed to be corrected, but not by taking "her baby" away from her.  She loved her and I thought we could handle the baby anyway.  It was hard and still is.  The younger sister developed early on-set schizoprenia at 14 years old and holds a lot of broken hearts in her hands.  But, she is "MY BABY" and I love her and she tells us that if it wasn't for Dad and I she would be dead.  She doesn't kill herself because she knows that no matter how bad it gets she has a family who loves her that she can always depend on to be there for her.  The older was very happy to relinquish her parental duties to someone after she was sure she could trust us.  She had her own issues.  But she is grown and married and I have two beautiful grandsons and they are coming to live with me for a year after 3 years overseas, while her husband goes to the middle east for a year.  I'm so excited.  I have two birth children also who are older than my girls (the four are two years apart from each other).  I guess thinking about anyone separating them was my basis for fighting so hard to not let them separate the girls.

Would our family life been easier?  Sure it would have.  But it is a roll of the dice whether birth or adopted.  One of my birth children could have been the problem instead.  Believe me it happens.  Life isn't supposed to be easy.  It is supposed to be love and loss and happy and sad and easy and hard.  For children in the system, life has already been hard enough.  I don't think making it harder by taking away all they have left is necessary or the right thing to do.  Even if it makes it a lot harder on the parents.  In the end I think the kids show how much they appreciate it.  My oldest daughter told me yesterday that as much as her sister drives her crazy with all of the constant drama, she had 14 years with her that she wouldn't have had if I had separated them and she wanted to thank me for that.  And she told me that every once in awhile over the years she slips back into that feeling that she should take responsibility for her sister because Dad and I had done so much, but before it even comes out of her mouth I will say something like, "It's OK to worry about your sister, but she isn't your responsibility.  She is mine and Dad's.  You have your own family to worry about.  Dad and I have this.  Let us do the worrying.  That is our job."  She told me that every time I tell her that she sighs in relief that no matter what we will never stop loving her sister and what a burden that takes off of her.  She told me that she doesn't understand people who don't believe in adoption or adopting siblings.  She asked where their perspective is coming from since they've no other life.  She told me that looking for her birth family never enters her mind unless her sister brings it up and she only wants to find them because she hates them and wants to tell them that.  And she tells her she doesn't even remember what they did to them and instead of looking back at a life that never happened, look forward to the one she's been given the opportunity to live because her Mom and Dad took her when no one else would and try to stay on her meds to make that mean something!  Good kid, huh?  I love all my kids and wouldn't trade the schizo for anything in the world.  Hope that helps.

Answer 9

I can't speak from personal experience, but I would guess that it would be much easier than being separated from your brothers/sisters.

How would you feel?