Adopting w/o goin to an agency.?

Question

i'm a married mother of 3 boys. due to my complicating pregnancies my husband and i are looking to adopt a girl. My friend recently adopted a lil boy without having to go thru and agency. Is there any websites or anyways to get in touch personally with mothers who are looking for a home for their child/dren?? i heard adopting is very expensive!!!

Answer 1

Why not try the foster system?  There are many many children in need of forever homes and you can specify age and gender.

Answer 2

You should go through an agency.

Ive read so many stories about women trying to adopt, they would get pictures and everything ..... but the baby didnt even exist!!!

Answer 3

We went through all the stuff to adopt through the state.  That route wasn't very expensive, but depending on what state you live in, it can either be a pleasant experience or a maddening one.

In any case, you must have a home study done since the state will have to approve the adoption even if you go the private route.

An adoption attorney can be pricey.  But if you go the private route, pick a good attorney.

One resource I would strongly suggest is track down your local group of Court Appointed Special Advocates.  These are the volunteers that help kids whose families are coming apart deal with the court system.  CASAs (or whatever they're called in your area) will have opinions about your state agency, adoption attorneys, etc.

Also see if you can find a support group for foster and adoptive parents.  Again, these folks will have opinions that are relevant to the area where you live.

Answer 4

Adopting through a private agency can be expensive, but there are good things to doing it that way.  You can decide what you are/aren't willing to accept (sounds cruel I know).  But you can decide whether you're willing to accept the child from a birth mother who has a drinking problem, or smokes, or does various drugs on either a recreational or addictive level.  You get a full detailed medical report on both birth parents and their family medical history (history of genetic mental illness).  Also, when you go through an agency it's usually open adoption - so the child will know their birth mom and understand from day one that they are adopted.  This is easier on both the child and the birth mother - and you gain a new extended family member (the birth mom who gives you her child).  If you want to go the free route (or less expensive anyway) then you can go through the government - you will most likely not get an infant, and you'll have no idea what kind of health background the child is coming from - not that they don't need a home too - but you have to decide what you are able to handle, especially with 3 boys in the house.  Can you handle a child with FAS or who might have serious mental problems in the future?  How will that affect the rest of your family.  Some people can handle special needs children and some can't.

I don't want to offend anyone on here, but if I was a birth mother I wouldn't give my child away to people I don't know and just met on the internet.  Going through an angency gives you so much more piece of mind - and is way better for the birth mother too!  Less chances of legal troubles later as well.

Answer 5

Check with social services.  There are a lot of children with them that are waiting for an adoptive home.  The cost is a lot less sometimes nothing at all and you give a child in need a home.  Best wishes!!!

Answer 6

At one point, we considered going this route.  We had met a woman who was 8 months pregnant and was already considering placing the child for adoption through an agency.  We were just starting the process of being licensed for Foster-to-adopt.  It looked as if it was a solution for both of us.  However, she decided to keep the child (which we accepted).  If you go through a private adoption, you will still have to get a lawyer.  It is likely you will still have to go through the home study process and your lawyer may send you to an agency anyway to get that done.      

We completed the foster-to-adopt process and eventually adopted two great kids through the foster care system.  I am a big proponent of going this route for many reasons, the big one being that you are helping kids in real need.