Adoption Age?

Question

My husband and I have 2 boys and we are wanting to adopt a little girl. I was wondering from others who have adopted would it be okay to get on between the two ages of our little boys? I don't want the youngest to feel as if he wasn't enough, ect or am I completly overthinking the whole process? Thank You so much for your input!! Also what is easier going through an agencey or finding someone who is willing to just sign the rights over?

Answer 1

There is a lot to think about and a lot of things that matter in this decision. One thing is I don't think there's any such thing as parents who "just sign their rights over." You certainly need a lawyer and good legal advice froman adoption lawyer is preferable to just someone who is willing to be in charge of the papers being signed. There aren't jsut lots of parents out there looking to sign over their rights to a healthy one yr old child. If the parents do want to do that, it's because they have been through an incredibly difficult time and these babies will come with a likely history of neglect or abuse. There are many factors to consider in where you want to adopt from as well. Internatinal adoptions are often less expensive (although not much) and the babies are often between 1 - 2 yrs old. As far as using an agency goes, there is a lot to consider in that as well. Usually the apparent cost of using an agency looks high but, that is because an agency is taking some of the risks for you. Without an agency, you could pay a birthmopther for expenses and then she could change her mind and you lose your money and need to pay someone else again, or again and again. Often the agency will include this risk in their costs and will assure you of getting a child for the one fee, even if it is not the first child "assigned" to you. You may also need to focus on why you want this child and not somuch on how you expect this child to complete your family. Do you want to adopt because you want to be sure you have a girl? There's nothing wrong with that but, you should understand your own motivations so you can move in a healthy direction. If you choose to adopt an older baby primarily because of how it will make your present children feel about the situation, you need to see that that's how it is -- your new baby will have been around for many months before she becomes a part of your family, in order that she not upstage your son. Is that accurate? There are certainly risks in adoption and it is not a way to jsut complete your family in the ideal image you have. Not trying to be tactless here but, that is how it sounds.

Good luck!

Answer 2

How old are your boys?  Would they understand adoption if you explained it to them?  Maybe try talking with them, especially the youngest, to see how they feel about what age would be right for your family.  And make sure that it's an age you and your husband are comfortable with too.  If everyone's involved in the decision, I think it will go a lot smoother.  And I recommend going with an agency and looking into their background and whatnot...it just seems safer for everyone involved.

Answer 3

people like u have hearts of gold, god bless for opening ur home for someone in need. b careful not to overload in work, 2yr gap between kids is gr8, the older can help.  OH btw, theres a  individual wanting to give his 18mth old daughter up for adoptn because he & his wife dont want her anymore!!!, check it out on this category - best of luck!

Answer 4

I don't think your kids would feel bad because they weren't born female!  Our 6 year old son knows we wanted a daughter badly, and it just tickles him.  :)

How about an older daughter?  Say 3 or 4 years old?  She could even feel like the important new big sis helping you out with the others.  If your kids are as sweet as you are, then your family should do fine!

Answer 5

Many experts discourage adopting out of birth order. I personally don't understand that, but haven't delved into it too far. You may want to research it a bit and see if any of their arguments make sense to you before committing to that path.

Best of luck!

Answer 6

Amanda, I haven't done it, but I think it would be fine to adopt a child between the ages of your 2 boys. It would be easier too as that child would be older and easier to find.

YOu guys are in my prayers!

Answer 7

Some people would say that you're over-thinking it, but the truth is that when you go through the adoption process, you over-think everything - just like when one goes through a pregnancy I would guess.

I think it would be perfectly fine to adopt a child that would become the middle child.  It is also easier to adopt children who are not "infants" in most cases, so that my work to your advantage also.

Personally, after trying to do a private adoption and having to switch to using an agency to do an "identified adoption" for us, I wish we would have started with the agency from day one rather than trying to go the private route.  Some people will disagree with me I'm sure, but our son's case was complicated since the state became involved and the attorney actually recommended us to find an agency to do the adoption paperwork for us.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 8

Yeah, I could see how your second son would one day come to the conclusion that he was a failure for being born a boy. Because if he were a girl, you wouldn't want more children. To which there lies the key to your desire for a female child. I feel you need to understand why you want a female child and not simply another child. If you are purely adopting for the fact you want to secure a daughter, you will find disappointment because should she not be good enough to live vicariously through, it could be a real h**l for you and for her.

I've seen this senario play out with an aunt who 'chose' a child based on gender, and not availability. Her adopted daughter, despite being given two loving parents and all the love, affection and family and education any child deserves, she wound up on drugs, in prison and pregnant with no father for her child.

Answer 9

the question is do you really want a 2 yr old

ask youre 3 yr old

he may not understand the process but he can understand he gets to pick his sister