Adoption Celebration?

Question

I have two children, my daughter is almost 3 my son is almost 1. I have had my daughter since she was 2 months old and her adoption was finalized 2 weeks before I had my son. I want to have a "happy adoption day" party for her. My thinking behind this is that is is a way to always keep the fact that she is adopted open to discussion and help show her it is nothing to be ashamed of but something we celebrate. What are your thoughts about this? Is it a good idea or not? Is it fair to my son that she has 2 special days (her adoption day and birthday) and he only has one? Please give me some feed back.

Answer 1

Here's what we do for our Adoption Day tradition, or plan to do I should say, since dd is only 18 months old and hasn't had her first anniversary of her adoption yet.  Adoption Day will be a low key, immediate family affair.  Just dh, dd, and I will perhaps go out to a special dinner.  We will look at pictures and watch video from her Adoption Day.  We will talk about memories and share stories from the day we met her (not that we don't at other times).

Her birthdays will be celebrated with a birthday party with extended family and friends.  It will also be a day in our immediate family where we honor her birth mother and talk about her (again, not that we don't do this at other times.)

I think you can have a family ritual for Adoption Day in a way that doesn't exclude your son.  You can call it Family Day and talk about it as the day you all joined as family.

Answer 2

No, it is not unfair to your son.  Your daughter is your daughter and her situation is different in this one way from your son.  You celebrate his birth by remembering your pregnancy, and delivery.  You celebrate her birth by remembering the first time you saw her, and her adoption, etc.

Children do NOT have to have "same" or even "equal" celebrations, gifts, cookies, etc.  This is not the way real life is, right?  Teaches them fairness from the get go!

A good lesson for all children, bio or foster or through adoption -- separate but equal.

I'm a parent of grown children through adoption and an adoption counselor of 20 years.

Answer 3

My son actually gets THREE days!  :)  We celebrate "Welcome Home Day" which is the day we brought him home to live with us.  We make a big deal out of it as an immediate family and try to do something "family" oriented that day - like go to a park, etc.  We then also celebrate "Adoption Day" which is the day the adoption was finalized.   We don't make as big of a deal out of that day but do bring attention to it, and I might give him a special treat that day.  Then of course he has his birthday.

Our thought was the same as yours; it allows us to be open and discuss the adoption process, etc.  We also use it at daycare (by taking donuts or cupcakes, etc.) on the special days to help teach children from an early age that it is "okay" to be adopted and to try to educate them a little bit so that they don't grow up to make fun of adoption.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Giving her a special "adoption day" will only call more attention to the fact that she is different. You can be open about her adoption without broadcasting it and reminding her every year "You weren't part of this family before."

The best way to make adoption feel normal is by paying as much attention to it as you would to the fact that she has brown hair, or blue eyes, whatever. You get the point.

Answer 5

Hi!

We adopted our son when he was 18 months old.  We have a private "Family Day" celebration in our home, not just for him, on the anniversary of that day.  

Everyone we know understands that Christopher was born in Russia and we adopted him, but the day we gained custody of him made us a family and that's the greatest reason to celebrate.  We tell Christopher the story of how he came to us, what we had to do to get him out of there (terrible story with a happy ending! :) ) and we show him the book of pictures we have from our trips there.  We have a small treat after dinner, but that's about it.  He's been with us for 18 months now; we did it on the one year anniversary of our becoming a family and we look forward to doing it again next year (and for many years to come).

Make the celebration about your family, not just her.  That way, she's not singled out--your FAMILY shines in the spotlight that day!

Good Luck to you!!

Answer 6

We had a "welcome home" for our adopted daughter, she is almost 4 so well aware that we are not her blood parents, and all our friends and family know as well, I have nothing to be ashamed of and feel no need to keep it secret either.  We had my fiance's nephew and family over and made cakes and little party foods.  She loved it.

Answer 7

I am of two minds on this one.  On the one hand I think you should treat biological and adopted children the same.  On the other hand,  many want to show that adoption is not something to be ashamed of.

Some adoptive families celebrate "Gotcha Day".

My wife and I adopted our son from birth, we were in the delivery room and we took him home from the hospital.  We just stick with a traditional birthday.  All our family and friends know our son is adopted.

Answer 8

We are adoptive parents of six children (two sib groups of three). We are also part of a community of adoptive parents. We all celebrate what we call "gotcha day". That of course is the day that we got the kids and brought them into our home. And we do treat all of our adopted kids the same as our biological kid. No special treatment around here.