Adoption? Had you done the same in my place?

Question

Had you done that in my place

When I was 6 months pregnant, had no work, no money, nothing, the pope did not support me at all and I decided to give in adoption, contact an agency, and I found a wonderful partner, we continue the process, I had a c.section and was a difficult birth, my baby was sick and 8 days in care, in the end decided not to pass it on adoption because when I saw her face I knew that knew that I was her mom, but now times are difficult and we are alone, when I see his face oblivion But not stop thinking about the couple who wanted to adopt, I do not know if it was the best, sometimes I think that I can not give the life they can, but deep in my heart I believe it was the best. had you done that in my place? do you think that was the best thing? I know its but i want your oppinion

Answer 1

You made the right decision. Try not to think about the past, just look forward to the future. You can do it! I too am a single mum so I feel I understand you. You can give your child a wonderful life. Give your child as much love as you can. Nothing is more important in a child's life than to know that they are loved. Grow vegetables in your yard to help keep the cost of food low. Buy clothes and other things that you and your child need at second hand stores. Also, you might like to take up knitting and sewing to help keep the cost of clothing low. I live in Australia, I don't know if you live here or in another country, however, perhaps you could ask your local council if they have a women's group in your area (where you can meet other mums for friendship and support). In Australia, we have Playgroups where mothers who have children between 0 - 5 can meet so that their children can play together and the mothers can socialise.  Be involved in your child's education, no matter how young your child is. Always teach your child new things. When your child is older, always be involved with your child's homework and school life. A good education will give your child a better chance at having a good career later in life. Perhaps you could place your child in a Child Care Centre while you look for work (even if it's part-time work), or perhaps you might like to go to TAFE (or a similiar college) where they have Courses to help migrant people, so that you can have better opportunities in the workforce. If you live in Australia contact Centrelink and the Child Support Agency to find out what help they can give you. If you live outside of Australia, you will need to find out what type of governmental services your country has to help single mums.You mentioned that the pope did not support you, well, perhaps the nuns at your local church will. Make sure you take care of yourself, so that you can take better care of your child. Remember, you are important too. I wish you and your little one all the best for the future. You made a very brave decision in keeping your child but you know deep down in your heart that it was the right one :)

Answer 2

only you can decide what is best for your baby. i know in my case i was put up for adoption and ended up in a very loving family.after my adoptive parents were both dead I started looking for blood relatives. I have a half brother and a half sister, both deceased, and found out they had a very rough childhood. there are so many things that get involved. what are the people like that want to adopt, what is your life style like and i think consideration of that is more important than the money part

Answer 3

yes i would i have 2 kids and no job (do not shout dole waller i did work but now onsick) and i do okay, my kids are loved and have as much stuff as thneir friends, good for you

Answer 4

its your baby I say keep it and good for you.

Answer 5

Nobody can decide this but you.  I hope you can find peace with your decision.  

But I believe your child will always be glad you chose to keep him/her, no matter what the circumstances.  If I were you, I would have done the same thing, and I wish you and your child every happiness.

Answer 6

Hi Paty,

Firstly, I support you're decision 100%.  You did the right thing.  Your child is just that -- your child, your flesh and blood.  I think every parent questions whether or not they are doing the best by their children at some point or another, so that's pretty normal.  

If money problems were a reason to relinquish your child, there would be a lot more kids relinquished.  Anyone can have financial difficulties.  My adoptive parents didn't have a lot of money when they adopted me.  We lived in a small apartment.  I slept on a cot.  We had one (older) car, so my a-father had to take public transportation to work.  My natural family was actually financially better off at the time.  There is so much more to consider than money.

Just because you considered relinquishment because you questioned your ability to give your child the best you wished to give her doesn't mean that you owe someone your child.  Relinquishment is a HUGE decision, not to be taken lightly by any means.  If a natural parent can give their child a loving home, then it is certainly preferable that the child be raised with his or her natural parent(s.)  Adoption is for children who would otherwise be in homes where they are neglected/abused.  You sound like a very loving, caring person who is intensely concerned about giving your child a good home.  Relinquishing to adoption by no means sounds like it needed to be done in your case.  The child and her needs are the focal point of whether or not relinquishment/adoption should take place, not the PAP's.

Congratulations for making this decision to raise your own child, even though you were making an adoption plan.

Answer 7

I think a baby being with his or her mother is the best thing.  I know you have made a difficult decision but you are your baby's mother.

It sounds like you are having a rough time right now.  I hope there are friends or a place you can go for support.  if your issue are monetary, there are assistance  programs you can use until you are back on your feet again.

Best wishes to you and your baby.

Answer 8

i would of done the same coz they will give a better home wjen they got money..

im sure theyll give the mothers love to it and ud get more money

Answer 9

keeping your child was an excellent decision in my opinion!! way to go!

Answer 10

i think i would have done what you did. im sure that things will work out for you and you will not live to regret the decision you made later in your life.

we all struggle with no money but its amazing how we get by. best wishes to both you and your daughter. x

Answer 11

I would have done the same thing in your place and I wish I could take any guilty feelings away for you - you have nothing to feel guilty for!  You do not OWE your child to anyone.

You followed your heart and instinct and knew that your baby needed you - bless you.

May the hard times be temporary and short-lived and soon a distant memory for the both of you.  I wish you a lifetime of happiness together.  Chin up, you can do this Mommy!

Answer 12

You did the right thing!  Bravo!

No one can be a better mother than YOU.  Don't worry about that couple, they want a baby, they'll get a baby eventually.

You have YOUR baby, as it should be.  I don't know where you live, but I hope you are using social programs to help you financially if you need them.

There are also a couple sites that might be able to help you.  

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.com

This site is run by an adoptee, Joe Soll, who is also a counselor, and has nightly chats.  He might be able to offer advice and a kind and encouraging ear.

Also,

http://www.origins-usa.org

This is a site dedicated to 'family preservation'.  The might be able to hep also.

I was given up at birth, and reunited with my mother at 22.  While I'm glad to know her now, she will never be my 'mommy' and I will never be her 'baby'.  This still pains us both.

Congratulations for finding the strength and courage to do the right thing for you and your child.

Answer 13

you have to make and live with decision, your child is lucky that you wanted her, some adoptions are not closed, meaning the adopted family will send you pictures of the baby, let you see it from time to time, you can still love a baby and give it to a better home, whatever you decide to do is the right decision.