Adoption Heritage / Medical History?

Question

My mother was adopted, and doesn't want to find out anything about her biological parents. However, my sisters and I want to know what our heritage is and also what our family's medical history is like. How can I get some information about this if my mother doesn't want to help?

Answer 1

I would recommend total honesty with your mother.  If it were me, I would tell her that you respect that she is not interested in finding out, but that you and your sisters are interested and that you intend to do so.  Tell her that you would like to include her in the search, but will respect her wishes and not tell her about it if she is bothered, but that one way or the other, you intend to do this.  And, you can tell her your reasons.  That you are interested in learning about history and heritage.  

I would leave the medical history part out, primarily because in order to get that, you will have to have conversations with the part of the family that has it.  Also, please tread very carefully with this, because if this is your mother, her mother may be elderly  and it may be a very large shock to her.

I would suggest that you educate yourself before you take this step, and don't do it on a whim.  That would be unnecessarily cruel to both your mother and her mother.  

All that said, I think that you have every right to get the information.  I agree that Susie Sunshine is wrong.  She shouldn't insert herself into her son's reunion if he chooses to have one, as the adopter, but you are the biological relatives of these people and it is a different thing entirely.  As difficult as this may be for her to comprehend,  adopters are not welcome to insert themselves into everything!

Sandy Young

SMAAC

Answer 2

well you can check the state guidlines that you are in and  call an adoption agency and they could possibly lead you down the right path of discovery. but hey good luck and watch out for scams, some ppl are out to make money and dont know a thing about parental searching

Answer 3

I was hesitant and shaky about my search.  I had forms in my drawers for weeks I never sent in, I had forms returned because I had forgotten to put stamps on them.  It was my 15 year old daughter who provided me with the "legs" to search.  Her enthusiasm, and interest made me feel that this could be an adventure, not a heavy handed, lonely endeavor. She "recruited" my other two daughters into the search, and it feels more than a family genealogy project.   My fear of rejection has diminished because I know, if the search doesn't work out as I imagine, I have support.  We fail together we succeed together.

I tell you this because I think it is possible to get your mom on board with this if you take the right approach.  Tell her how you feel, why you want to know.  Ask if you can do internet searches for her.  Have some fun with guessing what your heritage might be.  For adoptees, the "search" can seem overwhelming and too emotionally loaded to go through at all.  But you might be able to give her the confidence she needs.  Take small steps and keep an upbeat attitude and she may embrace the idea.

Answer 4

Depending on the state in which her adoption occurred, you may be able to get some information from the agency or the county department that handled the adoption.  Some states do give limited information to relatives.

You can go to this link http://adopteerights.net/nulliusfilius/?...

and click on the state in which she was adopted.  There you can find information about what is available and about search help in the area.

Also, make sure to sign up with the International Soundex Reunion Registry at http://irss.net.  It is the largest reunion registry in the world.

ETA:

Do not listen to Suzy.  She is very against adopted persons and their biological relatives knowing about each other or ever meeting.

Answer 5

Of course!  It is your heritage and medical history too! and that of your descendants

Answer 6

Laurie and Cruzgirl have given you some great advice.

Adoption does affect so many people down the line.

That is YOUR family and medical history also.

Adoptees are often terrified to go down the route of search and reunion because they might just be rejected - and that really really hurts.

On top of those emotions - adoptees often are worried about upsetting their adoptive parents - because too often adoptive parents have projected onto their adoptees that it would hurt them if the adoptee went searching.

But it's usually NOT about the adoptive family at all.

Totally seperate issues.

It's very sad when adoptive parents only think about their own feelings - and not those of their adopted children/adults.

Try and have a calm talk to your mum - about how it's so important to have family medical history these days - and how you'll be there to support her throughout the whole process.

I wish you both all the best.

Answer 7

You may be very curious but it is just not appropriate for you to even think of circumventing your mother's decision.

As adoptive parents, we learn that our child's adoption story and information belongs exclusively to him. That's one of the reasons that we're very careful with even the most positive well meaning strangers who ask probing questions of conspicuous families. While I would love to gush and tell them all about how adoption works, that would violate my son's privacy.

This is doubly true with regard to your mother's information. You know that she was adopted and that she is not interested in gathering any more information.  Basic respect dictates that that is the end of the discussion.

If your mother was raise with an ethnic heritage or your father was, embrace that. And you do not need her medical history.  

Answer 8

In some states, Colorado for instance, the children of adoptees have the same right to search as the adoptee.

Answer 9

susie is wrong, thats YOUR information TOO!

follow laurie and possums advice :)