Adoption & How To Find Parents?

Question

Well, my let me start out by saying i was adpoted and i want to find my real parents. but in the state of north carolina you have to be 21years of age to see anything in a file about you and your adpotion. i just really want to know if anyone as any anwsers or why's to help me. this means the world to me. So please help me if you have any answers what so ever

Answer 1

Wow, you can go to war at 18 but you can't even see information about who you are until you're 21?   I think a start is to let your AP's know how you feel about searching & hopefully they will support your decision.  

I think Possum posted some links that I'm going to check out as well.  Good luck.  This site has actually motivated me to investigate as well.  Started off with asking my parents information about the adoption agency & the orphanage I was at...I'll take it one step at a time.

Answer 2

Here's some links for a start -

First - add your details to the registries here

http://www.isrr.net/

http://registry.adoption.com/

Check here for information on your state records here -

http://adopteerights.net/nulliusfilius/?...

Check here for search help - and links to search angels -

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

And check here for any support - it's the best online forum for adoptees I've found -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/

Oh - and please ignore all those adoptive parents that insist you call them the 'real' parents. (talk about hang-ups on their part!!)

I'm an adoptee - I have two sets of parents - they are both very 'real' to me.

That's MY reality.

You have yours.

Don't allow anyone to tell you what you should feel about any of this.

All the very best with your search.

Answer 3

I am adopted too so i understand your feelings. The problem is i was adopted from a different country so its about 100 times harder for me to find anything.

If you are serious about finding your parents talk to your adopted parents about it, they should be open to talk about it and support you.

I am going to say though you may not want to meet your birth parents because you may not like who they are. Really think about it and try not to make a spur of the moment decision. Find out all the facts and really listen dont just hear. Be cautious and i hope everything works out for you. Good Luck!

Answer 4

The parents who raised you are your "real parents".  I understand wanting to find your biological parents, but get real - the one's who raised you have been through everything with you.  Appreciate them!

My children see their birthparents regularly so they will never have to go through what you are, but seriously give your 'real parents' a huge hug!!!

Answer 5

figuresk8er: [I understand wanting to find your biological parents, but get real - the one's who raised you have been through everything with you.]

Without the ones who gave birth to the child to begin with, the adoptive parents who raised the child wouldn't even have the child to begin with.

I stand by my answer in another post - both sets are real. There is no need to validate one set as being more 'real' than the other. (And people say adoptees don't have a job - HA! Clearly they do - to reassure the adoptive parents. Do natural children with their natural parents always have this obligation? NO. It's assumed by default that they love and honour their parents. What makes APs think that searching and wanting to have contact indicates disloyalty?)

Just because my Taiwanese parents are not with me right now does not make them 'fake' people. It does not make them less just because they couldn't raise me.

They loved me and it broke their hearts to give me away.

Is it not simple respect to honour them as my other parents?

Answer 6

Hi Amanda.

Have you spoken to your adoptive parents about this?  While some adoptive parents feel insecure about it, many APs understand the desire for an adoptee to search out their first family.  It doesn't mean that you don't love or respect the family that raised you any less!  Wanting to discover your roots and connect with your first family is very normal and understandable.  Many adoptive parents understand and expect this.  

I'm not sure about the legalities of it, but if you are supported by your adoptive parents in your search, would this enable you to get your records any easier?

There are adult adoptees on this forum that are very knowledgable.  Please leave this question open for a little while.

Best of luck to you.