Adoption. I am 34 and my husband is 46. Do you think birth parents would?

Question

choose or not choose us do to our age. We are planning on going through an agency to adopt and the agency says birth parents like younger couples but mostly go by the mothers age. What do you think?

Answer 1

We are at the opposite end of the spectrum. My husband and I are both 24 years old, and are a waiting adoptive family. Our agency always tells us that birthmoms are individuals and you never know what they are looking for. We have already had an offer and the birthmom was older than us, so I think it depends. Just think positively, think of your age as an assest. You have experienced a lot and can share that with your child. I wish you the best of luck!!!

Answer 2

I think it depends on the agency that you go through and how open you are to accepting whatever child God gives to you.  My brother and his wife had their 4th child 11 years after the next youngest.  Both of them were in their 40's.  They decided to adopt another child the same age as the little one.  They went through a respected Christian organization, were willing to accept a special needs child and had an age range, not just a set age.  It took 9 months (appropriate I think) and now I have a wonderful new neice from China who just celebrated her 4th birthday, her first in Canada.  

I think it would depend alot on how open you are.  If you will only accept a newborn of a certain background then your wait will likely be longer but if you have a loving home, I think people will see that and eventually you will get your child, irregardless of age.

Answer 3

First, make sure that the agency does not have an age maximum for you or your husband, some have a max of 45 years of age, that also depends on domestic and international choices as well. Some countries have age restrictions.

Most birth mothers make their decisions on a "connection" they feel to you.  Alot of times, they also relate to you because you remind them of "their" parents.  As long as your husband is young at heart, appears to be vibrant and loving life, and can be seen as a good role model for a child, I don't think his age should be a factor.

Our birth mother chose us, I am 44, my husband is 47. Good luck to you, remember.........patience is a virtue.

Answer 4

Most likely....

the only reason they are doing that is because children with older parents won't have them around for as long, but if they have younger parents they will...

chances are though that an older couple will stay together as where a younger couple will...most likely...not...

most people can still have children at 34...obviously females only...so I don't think that there will be a significant problem there....most mothers are around 25-30...

you should be fine...

and congratulations about your possible new child...:)

Answer 5

i had my son at the age of 32 (hubby 33)

i think being older meant that we gave our son a better start than we could have when we were younger in that we were more financially stable and more mature and so had more to offer him right from the get go

also a good agency would be able to see what you do have to offer rather than what you don't and assess you accordingly

Answer 6

I think you'd be fine 46 is ok.  I think it would depend more on your personality and income

Answer 7

You both are wonderful couple. I know, You  are older.

Tis better

Answer 8

You certainly have more life experience than a younger couple.  And a better grasp on reality than a younger couple would.  I don't see why a younger couple would be a better choice.  

And congrats.  I want to adopt, but we need to wait a couple more years.(tooo looong)

Answer 9

I think people are more aware of how much later in life many couples are choosing to start having children.  I think other factors will matter more to prospective birth parents.

I had a child when i was 17 and chose to find an adoptive family for him.  For many many reasons.. and I'm glad to say with the best of outcomes I could have hoped for.

I was more concerned about a couple's security *ability to financially support raising a child, home ownership, education level*... community involvement...  family connections *like would he have a loving, supporting extended family not just the adopting couple but grandparents and cousins*... length of time the couple was married.. very many things before the couple's ages ever occurred to me, if it ever occurred to me at all.

I say find a good agency that understands your concerns.  Find one that requires lots and lots of information from you.. because if they like to be very informed about you, as the adopting couple, they will also be very informed about potential birth parents... giving you better history and background etc about children that you may be able to adopt.  When you are given a profile to fill out.. fill it out.. fill it.. fill it with your heart and your intention for the child that might come into your life.  Let that speak to the birth mother, she wants a loving home for her child.  In the end.. age won't matter.  Find an adoption councelor also.. someone to help you with the emotional process.

This is a huge and wonderful thing you are about to embark on.  Do it honestly, do it now *if the time is right*, and just believe that opening your heart and home to a child is a real blessing on you .. and hopefully a birth mother somewhere, reading your file through the agency, can feel your hearts :)

Sincerely, when i was looking for a home for my first *and so far, only* born child... my son... age didn't even register.  I just wanted him to be loved and honored and raised well and happy.

Wishing you luck and love and god's hand.

Answer 10

With international adoption, they require that you be at least 30 years old in most countries.

Answer 11

I am a birth parent, and when I chose adoption 20 years ago, we birth mothers had a lot of say about the type of parents our babies would be raised by.

I did not want older adoptive parents, this is mostly because people become too set in their ways, and can find the transiton into parenthood a lot harder than a younger, more adaptable person.

Remember, this is only the opinion of one person.  I'm sure there will be plenty of other birth mothers out there who won't mind what age the adoptive parents are.

Answer 12

Don't worry too much.  You'll find the right kid when the time is right.  I'm sure someone will see that you're good people and that you would be good parents for their kid.

Answer 13

you can adopt.., no problemo

Answer 14

I thing that birth parents are looking for a good fit for their child. In our case she picked us "I think" because we're NOT perfect. My husband has tatoos and rides a motorcycle, I was a WILD teen and I think that our less than perfect life made her feel comfertable that we would love our son throiugh ANYTHING. Also she didn't feel judged by us. So keep in mind you're going to be PERFECT for someone.

Answer 15

I don't think that you and your husband's age would hinder your plans of adopting. What is more important is your willingness to have a child to become part of your family.  Your ability to adopt will also depend on your readiness to raise a child, your emotional maturity as well as financial stability to ensure that the child will have a good future.

I hope you find your angel soon.  I just wish that there will be more parents out there who will be most willing to adopt.  There are just too many abandoned, neglected and even unwanted children who need caring.

Answer 16

Well hopefully they will see that you are two wonderful people who will give a great home to your child!!

I will think good thoughts for you and your baby!!!!

34 isn't old! I'm 31 and still really want to be a mommy!

Best of luck to you and I just know you're baby will come to you!!!

Blessings!

Answer 17

It's all going to depend on the birth parents. Some are going to be very emotional and you have to understand that. I had a friend who adopted, though, and both her and her husband were older. So don't despair. It can happen.

Answer 18

i adopted my baby to a family a little older than the two of you, they were very settled and were able to provide a very good life for the baby, i did consider their age for a insant, but the rest outweighed that.  You'll have what God wants you to have, and when or if he wants you to have it!  Bottom line.... good luck

Answer 19

Don't even worry about it. I'm 32 and just adopted our second son 4 months ago. My hubby is the same age. A birthmom wants parents that are stable, have a good relationship and that can give their child a loving home. Granted, I'm sure that some birthmoms wouldn't want to choose a couple that looks like they should be grandparents, but being young at heart is much more important.

Is your agency asking you to make a family profile or scrapbook? You can use that as your best weapon. Show lots of photos of how fun you are and how much you could give a child.

Answer 20

My son was adopted by a couple in their 40's. I don't think age matters as much as how he will be taken care of and loved.

Answer 21

I don't think either of you are too old to be parents.  Alot of people are waiting later in age to even have babies.  An agency is going to check out your background and be more concerned with that than your age.

Answer 22

I say go for it, you two have lived and have more to offer than a couple just starting off.  I don't see why your ages would be a factor in the matter, as far as I'm concerned it could only help not hurt.  Good luck to you, I hope you and your husband are truly blessed with a baby.

Answer 23

You are in the perfect age range to adopt. There are some agencies that work directly with birth parents, and others that work with CPS and orphanages, so the birth parents have no say, only law.

Adopting abroad is also a great choice, as you're in prime age range for just about all countries.

Answer 24

I know a family in our town he is a little over 50 and she is like 46 and they adopted a little boy last year and they are in the process of starting adoption again.

Answer 25

if i were looking for adoptive parents i would think about age. but 34 and 46 wouldn't bother me. my mother was 36 when she had me, and i never felt like they ended up being too old to parent....they're are very young and active even for their current ages....i never worried of them being taken from me too soon either jsut because they were older......be optimistic not all people think a 25 year old or whatever is the best choice....remember older & wiser :O)

Answer 26

I think any birth mom would be relieved that you are both established and stable to provide a loving home!

I am 36 and thankfully already had my children without complications, but if I had chosen to adopt, I certainly don't feel old when so many 1st time moms are waiting until they are 40 to start families.

As a juvenile products manufacturer, I do a lot of research. Did you know the average age for 1st time moms is 27-35 in the US? People are planning college, careers, weddings to the RIGHT person and taking their time. THEN they plan families and it only makes sense it takes until they're in their mid 30's to start having babies or adopting.

A mom in her mid 30's can totally handle raising a baby - still having lots of energy and being active. Women in their 20's aren't as stable - no offense - it's just a fact. I had all my babies when I was in my 20's and looking back, I have so much more patience now and I am so much more at peace with myself being in my 30's than I was back then. Life experience gives you some of that.

I don't think you're going to have any problem. Best Wishes and Success!

Answer 27

You should have no problems. Based on how things work in your area, you might wait a tiny bit longer than a younger couple, but you just never know. It might go the other way. Different birthmothers value different things. Some might consider it an asset that you are a more "mature" couple with some years behind you.

I am a birthmother myself, and I chose a couple almost exactly your ages - mom was 32 and dad was 44. They also had three kids already. They were told to expect a long wait because most birthmothers choose families without kids. But I wanted my son to have a big family, so they worked out perfect.

Overall, birthparents will consider your ages, but I guarantee it will not be the deciding factor. Much more important will be your values, lifestyle, how much contact you want, and other similar factors. Have faith and patience - there is a child who is meant to be yours, he/she just may not be conceived or born yet. But it will happen!

Best of luck.

Answer 28

I know several couples in their 30s who have adopted.  

When speaking to your agency, ask how many adoptions they process in which the bio parents do not choose the adoptive parents.  That should be an option for you.  If they do not handle those types of adoptions, I would call another agency, such as Catholic Charities.  Someone should be able to help you.

Good Luck.

Answer 29

We adopted and are older.  The birthparents thought we looked happy in our profile and then we went and spoke with them and we were like family, maybe like some older relatives:)

Children keep you feeling and looking young.....The birthmother (if she gets to choose), will look for what she finds appealing about you... maybe age will have nothing to do with it or maybe she will like that you're a little older and wiser....you never know what will be the thing that they see...

Answer 30

Great news!  You are the AVERAGE age for adoptive parents!  You should have no trouble at all being selected.

Good luck!!

Answer 31

i dont think you will have a problem they would proabbaly thing you are well indownd and have a better finacial situation to raise a young one