Adoption... I found out that I am unable to have children!!!!?

Question

I am a 23 year old young woman, I am studying in V.A. working on my B.A. in Business Law and Minor in Psychology. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1year half. I have had breast cancer since I was 14 years old. I just found out that I could not have children or the percentage was 95% and 5% chance that I can have a child and that big 95% chance that I can't have a child of my own. My boyfriend told me that he was not going anywhere and that he was here until I told him I didn't need his love any more. I was for sure that he would have walked away but I am thankful that he is still willing to be with me. I just want to know even though we both have taked about adoption is there anything wrong with adopting a child or children that are not of you background. I mean I am cool with dating and adopting outside of my race but my question is what will the world thing and how will other people treat the child for having African American parents? I need and open honest answer.

Answer 1

well they probably will do the same way as they do black and white mixed children its rough and people and concided but i think adoption is a wonderful thing i really do and i think its good that people can adopt into any race they choose  if thats what you want do it for you not the world

Answer 2

Children today have it rough no matter what and if you want to give a child a loving home then go for it.  Most children that need a home are mainly AA or biracial and there are tons of older children looking for homes.  In any situation though you need to realize there are going to be people that judge you no matter what.  People are just so judgemental about the stupidist things.  With interacial adoptions it is just more obvious they are adopted if you aren't interacial couple but other than that who really cares.  The children will have issues because of adoption and yes they may face race questions but you can teach your children to be strong and love themselves and just be happy with themselves and not care about the immaturity of others.

Answer 3

There is nothing wrong with adopting children. If you're feeling like there is something wrong with it try reading Chicken Soup for the Adoptive Mothers Soul. To me personally I have 2 adopted older brothers and they mean the world to me. My parents adopted them as teenagers, they started as foster boys until their mother died of cancer. My mom and dad sat down with them and asked them straight out and told them if not that they had their full support and were welcome to stay if they wished. I remember at 4 I asked Sean why don't you live with your mommy. He said I do. My first mommy get very sick and God made her better by asking her to come visit him and she was so happy she never left. My second mommy is your mommy too. She took care of me while my mommy was sick, and loved me so much I didn't want to leave. Without your mommy, I might not have had another mommy.

As for interaccial adoptions Many African American children have Caucasian parents so why would it be any different reverse? I think that it's important that they learn their heritage and yours. If they're in a loving home with a caring environment the color of your skin and your background will mean nothing.

Answer 4

First of all let me say that I'm sorry, I cannot even imagine the devastation of hearing that I could not have children, however, I am a caucasion mother and speaking from an objective standpoint I can tell you that there is nothing wrong with an african american (or any other race) adopting a child of another race. There are many children in this world who need loving and devoted parents, and your race is the least of concern when it comes to the type of parent you will be to a child. For an example, my parents are divored and although both are caucasion, my mother remarried an asain man and had two children with him. I never felt like they were any less of my sisters due to their race. I think that if you were to adopt a child (exspecially of another race) then you really are among the very brave and devoted parents in this world because you are not afraid of the controversies that you may be faced with. Anyways good luck and I hope all works out for you!

Answer 5

Do want what all these celebrities to and go to foreign countries and adoption a little poor innocent little child and give him a good life.

Answer 6

well first off, you are an incredibly strong and resilient person for having gone through all that and still wanting to open your heart to adopt a needy child. There is nothing wrong with adopting a child, even if its not your race. Love is universal. Just because other people may have a problem with it shouldn't affect your decision. If you raise your child in a loving environment, s/he should grow up into a confidant person. I wish you the best good luck!

Answer 7

There are many many African-American children waiting for loving African American parents to adopt them. Why would you want to adopt a child of another race when there are many black children waiting for homes? There is nothing wrong with adopting children who need homes, of any race, however, there are very few black adoptive parents compared to the numbers of black children waiting to be adopted. Of the black and Asian adoptees I know that were adopted by Caucasians, one of the only things they wish had been different was that their adoptive parents were of their same race.

You still have a few years, but please research this thoroughly before your decision. Good luck.

Answer 8

I totally agree with you on this one.  Just because a child is not of your background doesn't mean you can't teach him / her their own background...

Answer 9

When you adopt a child you are giving that child a chance at a great life full of love, happiness, family, and comfort - something they might not otherwise receive. So in the end, does it matter what some narrow minded people may think when in the end you're doing something to improve the quality of life and happiness of you and your future child?

Answer 10

This may sound a bit far fetched, but have you considered gestational surrogacy?

If you have a 5% chance of becoming pregnant, then it means that you must have some viable eggs. Assuming there is nothing wrong with your boyfriends sperm, then you and your boyfriend could have a biological child through gestational surrogacy.

Thailand seems like it is a world away, and it is, but they have a fantastic hospital there with a section dedicated to fertility issues.

Surrogacy in the US might cost $100,000 or more,, but it is significantly less expensive in Thailand.

For more information, try the link below.

[e-mail]

Answer 11

I want to say first that I am so sorry for everything you've gone through.  Battling cancer alone is enough to try anyone's soul, but then to add the second blow of infertility is doubly hard.

Please give yourself time to grieve over this.  Only you can decide how long you need, but this can't be something that you just pick up and move on, right away.  These are huge, life altering events for you.

But back to your question, we adopted transracially.  It's been a learning experience, certainly!  Learning hair and skin care has been a big one, but fortunately we have friends and family able to give advice.  But getting those microbraids done are expensive!!  Tried to learn, failed miserably, decided to leave that to the experts!

There are many, many transracial families out there.  Look around, next time you go to the mall or a neighborhood park, or a kids sporting event.  I've become more aware, since our adoption, but I'm pretty sure transracial families have been around before then!  

Our family does get a second look, every time we go someplace.  Sometimes I notice it, sometimes, I don't.  It really doesn't bother me.  Most people are curious and curiousity is a rather solid personality trait in myself, so I'm ok with it in others.  There will be that segment of the population that will disapprove and to h**l with them.  My family doesn't need to measure up to anyone else's approval.

But bottom line: you need to decide what is right for your family.  Period.  There's plenty of people here who love to secondguess people they have never met "Why would you do "A" when you can do "B"?"  Pay them no mind.  Nobody knows your situation, or your family and nobody can tell you what is best.  

There are many options for adoption available.  Research them all.  All have their pros and cons.  Decide what works best for you and your family, then when you're ready, go for it!

In the meantime, start gathering those birth certificates, marriage certificates (if applicable), tax returns, etc.  You will need them no matter which adoption path you choose.

Good luck!

Answer 12

To be honest with your medical background you may have difficulty adopting, you may want to consider (as all adoptive parents should) foster to adopt programs.

Answer 13

To jgf5822- Why on earth would you say she is selfish? She wants to give a child a forever home! We are going through the process right now, and are also open to other races. Your social worker will work closely with you to determine the profile of the child that you are meant to parent. If you want to adopt a child through the DSS (foster care), you can go online to view profiles of the children. Their faces will melt your heart- no matter what race they are! Good luck!

Answer 14

I have friends (twins) who are adopted...but they're African American and their adopted parents are white...they were never treated any differently...yes, of course there were strange looks, but things were easily explained and that would be the end of it.  I would hope that things would be the same way the other way around.  Look at celebrities who adopt outside of their race...in my opinion, anyone who adopts a child is doing a great thing, no matter what race the parents or the child is...you'd be giving a child a better life, and that should only be commended, not frowned upon.  Good luck to you guys.  :)

Answer 15

I have adopted one child and am working on doing another adoption.  You are very concerned about race if you adopt. Did you know that a lot of agencies actually let you pick what race of baby you want to adopt?  Go to this website. www.adoptionhelp.org.   You can adopt a newborn child, and because it is open adoption, you can pick the race, etc.