Adoption Q's For Those Who Always Say "Put it up for adoption if you don't want it...just don't abort!"

Question

I hear many who say that adoption is the way to go if a woman is faced with an unplanned pregnancy.....And adoption can be a good thing if done for the right reasons. But too many go on about it as if it is the easy answer to an unplanned pregnancy. So, for those who "support" a woman placing for adoption, I want to know:

*Do you support the adoptee's access to their original birth certificate?

*Do you support the FACT that a child deserves to know they are adopted from an early age and not lied to until adulthood?

*Do you support legal enforcement of "open adoption?

-If not, do you think it's ok for PAP to lie to a birth mother about visits and pics without intending to honor such, just to get her baby?

*Do you support the adoptee's RIGHT to search for their birthfamily, even if they are not legal adults?

*Do you think it is wrong for a mom to change her mind upon the birth of her child? Do you think she should still be obliged to relinquish the child?

Answer 1

1.Yes

2. Yes, people should starting telling their kid at a young age 2 or 3. There are so many storybooks based on adoption now a days that one can get for their child and starting reading to them.

3.No I don’t think Open adoption should be enforced legally  but if the adoptive parents and birthparents agree on it. It should be honored on both sides. Because sometimes it’s the birthparent(s) who get away from contact.

4.I think its fine for someone who is in their mid teens, anyone younger then that I think would be too much. Searching can be stressfully not to mentioned not knowing what you will find at the end. Birthfamily that isn’t what they  imagined, rejection etc.

5.No birthparents have a right to change their mind it doesn’t even have to be during after the birth. It can be during the reclaim period.

Answer 2

I too am tired of the notion that adoption and abortion are somehow equivalent choices; they aren't.

Yes to all questions but the last one.  It's insane to think that a mother could relinquish her baby before she's even given birth!  I don't think that's even legal, is it?  

Open adoptions should be binding contracts.  Some a'parents have behaved shamelessly once they got the baby.  Others have been good, upright people.  But the legality would assure that more folks did the right thing.

Answer 3

I was adopted at the age of four months old.. my adoptive parents told me I was adopted at the age of 7.. I am against those who say, "Abort it" they have no heart what so ever.. granted it is an unplanned pregnancy, but still that baby is a human.

I back you 100% on all what you are asking. I know what it's like to be adopted, granted I wonder what it would of been like growning up with the ones who created me... but h**l I still have a good life with the parents who raised me.

Answer 4

Yes, to everything except the last question.

I think a mom should have 6 months to 1 year to change her mind. This should be a FEDERAL requirement.  You have more time to change your mind about a lawn mower than keeping a HUMAN BEING in some states.

Adoptions should always be the last resort.  It is usually a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Answer 5

I don't like anti-abortionists telling women not to abort and then not adopting these children.

1.) yes

2.) definitely yes

3.) no (a.) no, it's never right to lie

4.) no, unless it's a medical emergency

5.) I don't know

Answer 6

Yes, I support an adoptee's access to their original birth certificate - but only the adoptee.  It should be the adoptee's choice to locate any identifying information.

Yes, I do support and acknowledge that a child should know that they were adopted.  My son is 5 and understands that he was adopted and lived with his grandparents before us.  

With regards to legally enforcing open adoption...I have mixed feelings on this.  While I do agree with it for the most part, I also see the reasons for not enforcing it when it is in the best interest of the child - i.e. abuse, identity theft, etc.  The challenge becomes "who" decides what is in the best interest of the child.  I also know from experience that bio parents are also guilty of not keeping the open agreement (such as what happened in our case).  How would you enforce it on both sides equally?  

The second part of that question - I do not believe it is okay for anyone to intentionally mislead another on any issue in adoption.

I do support the adoptee's RIGHT to search for their birth family.  However, I feel that it should be done after the child turns 18 or 21.  I believe it is the adoptee's choice but that they should be an adult in the event that the information they find is not as positive as they had hoped or their bio family rejects their contact.  I feel that an adoptee needs to be emotionally mature to handle those types of situations if they occur.

And your last question...Wow!  That's a thought provoker.  :)

Do I think that a birth mom should be obliged to relinquish her child?  No.  However, if a birth mom has intentionally misled a family for whatever reason, then yes, it would be wrong, just as a violation of an open adoption agreement is.  

Great questions.  : )

Answer 7

1.  I support it in cases where the biological parents have not specifically requested to remain anonymous.  I feel that if the biological parents prefer to remain anonymous, they have the right to - as long as adequate medical records are provided (and preferably regularly updated.)  Otherwise, more abortions or abandonments would happen.  

2.  I agree that adopted children should be told they are adopted.  Lying to children about something like that is just plain wrong!  Family secrets have a habit of festering.  

3.  I believe that open adoptions are best.  I also think it's best if there are specific terms outlined in the adoption agreement that specifiy exactly what is meant by the adoptions being "open".  These should be inforced by family court similar to custodial agreements between non-married parents.  However, I believe that if a biological mother has no say in making decisions about the child and no right to "get the child back" after an adoption is final.  Also, I believe that the adoptive parents have the right to petition the court for a change in the open adoption agreement if they feel it is in the best interest of the child.  This, of course, would ultimately be up to the discretion of the judge.  

4.  Because teenagers are often very emotionally volatile, I do NOT support an adoptees right to search before adulthood without the consent of the adoptive parents.  I think it would be socially irresponsible to allow vulnerable teens to get themselves tangled into potentially messy situations.  After all, we don't allow our teenagers to go around having s*x with whoever we want - family attachments are just as dangerous.  

5.  Any potential "birth mother" has the right to change her mind up to them moment that the court decides the adoption is final.  Pregnancy and childbirth can change what a woman views as important, and it would be wrong to allow courts to take a child who has not been properly relinquished.  However, once the adoption has gone through, then it's over.  Anything else would make the new family feel far too threatened and could have devistating consequences on the child.

Answer 8

1- yes

2-yes

3-yes. unless the birthparent poses a safety risk to the child.  but most of these cases are NOT in the "open adoption" scenarios anyway.... so yes.

4-yes

5-no. "making" an adoption plan doesn't equal "relinquishment." young women make adoption plans for many reasons, most of which are temporary and encouraged by parents, counselors, partners, et al... also, there is too much volitility in adoption planning (for bmom and paps), which is why pre-birth matching is risky.

Answer 9

First of all I don't believe I have the right to judge what a woman should do if she finds that she is carrying a child

But i would have the child (that's just me)

1.  Yes all adopted children should be able to access their true birth certificate. Why start a life with a lie

2. Oh boy do I believe in that ( we teach our children not to lie and then some parents do) Adopted parents need to put their self's in their children's shoes and see how they feel

3.  Yes for sure open adoption is the best. That way the child has the best of both worlds.

4. this makes me sick I see alot of this and it's wrong.They lied to the birth mother on the most special gift anyone could give what makes you think they are trust worthily of any thing else.

5.They shouldn't have to look should be told when they want the info

6. yes she has the right to change her mind and I don't believe 48 hours is long enough. I say within 2 months this way she is for sure of her decision. And if the birth father finds out the adopted couple need to stop fighting and give the child back if it's in the right time frame. Not like the couple who stole my grandson they new from birth that the father wanted him and didn't care. These type of people give good honest adoptions a bad name.

Answer 10

How can one put adoption and abortion in the same sentece. We have an adopted daughter and we have both birth certificates so when she does get older she can have them both. AND YES we have kept our adoption open and even thought the birth mom lives next door  she doesnt she her.  I am all for an adoptive person to be able to find the brith parents and to see if there are any brothers or sisters out there. When you adpot, you should keep everyhting open for the child.

To your last question.......yes it is wrong. and yes she should.

If you know that you cant take care of this child then you should do the right thing by allwoing this baby to have a good home. YES i know people that there are some adoptions that werent so good out there. BUt not all adoptions are that way.

Answer 11

I do not believe placing a child for adoption is better or any way related to having an abortion.  I also do not think choosing an abortion is wrong, because only the person who is going through the pain of an unplanned pregnancy can decide for herself what is right for her.  I do not think adoption is the best solution (neither is abortion) always.  An unplanned pregnancy is a very traumatic event and sometimes abortion is the answer.  I really don't support the adoption of newborn infants in the US, because the process is very corrupt.

I answer yes to all of those questions except the last one (and I do not think it is okay for PAP to lie at all to a birthmother).  As an adoptive parent, I would NOT go through with an adoption if I felt the biological mother/father wanted to parent.  I do not think it is ethical to force someone to feel guilty for wanting to parent their OWN child.  I think it is in the best interest of a child to remain with his/her biological family if at all possible.

Answer 12

To all but the last question my answer is yes. It may be hard for the adoptive family, but the nest plac for any child is with their mother, provided she can care for them. Until the baby is born s/he belongs to her. If she still wants to "give them up" then she will do so. I do believe though, that if there were more open adoptions the mother, if she can not care for the baby may make a different decision.

Answer 13

Adoption is not an easy answer... its probably the hardest decision a woman can make, even harder than aborting their child, just for the simple fact, they have to go through the pregnancy and bond with a child that is not "theirs" and then actually see the baby, feel the emotions that go along with that and hand him or her to someone else...   but with that being said, its the best decision a woman can make to give her child the best opportunities that she herself can not provide! Give them a chance to LIVE!

Yes I support the adoptees access to their original birth certificate.

Yes I support the fact a child deserves to know they are adopted, even though this is part of the adoptives parents discrection rather they tell this to their child or not.

I would rather see open adoptions than closed adoptions... I have a friend that did a closed adoption when she was 16 years old and she had the baby and handed him over and that was it, she doesnt know if he is ok and still 7 years later every single day she worries about him. But there are some people that would rather have a closed adoption, but I think for their sake, in the future, they should leave it as an "open adoption" just so that they can have closure when they come to the point that they NEED that. I am not a fan of closed adoption JUST for this reason.

I think its everyones right to know who their biological parents are. That is them seeking closure on the other side of the whole adoption process.

If I was adopting I would be scared to death that the birth mom may change her mind after the birth of her child. I do think that it is the birth moms right to change her mind though. There is already a bond there with a baby that she carried in her womb for 9 months and as bad as this sounds, there is no bond with the adoptive parents yet. They can have a bond with the IDEA of adopting that baby, but its not the same.