Adoption Question/Response for Julie R.?

Question

I appreciate your attempt to answer my question in regards to adoption. To answer your question. Yes I am very involved in the lives of my nieces and nephews and that is very rewarding. From reading some of your answers to adoption questions it seem that you have a negative outlook on adoption alltogether. I'm not trying to get personal with your business or circumstances. I'm sure there are many cases where people have been hurt emotionally by adoption but have you concidered all of the people adopted into loving families that have benefited. I'm not seeking an infant that was concieved for me. If I choose to adopt I would be looking for a child who is needing a home. I would not be trying to force my identity on someone else. But I have a patience and ability to care for and love. If I am capable why shouldn't I help someone in need? I'm not a perfect person so I couldn't offer a perfect life. But who could?

Answer 1

Look, I saw both your questions and only read just a few answers.  Dont let the handful of peple on here get your goat.  On YA it is only a small number of adoption haters here.  Small but loud.  Forget about it.  I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do.  As far as the cost for adoption.  There are different types of adoptions.  If you have a situation where a pregnant mother finds you and decides it is best for her child to be with you then the cost could be from 5000-12000.  It all depends on what her needs are (if any) and if she has medical insurance.  The definete costs will be attorney fees and court costs.  If you go to the foster care system the cost is minimal and in some cases no cost.  If outside the country it could be from 20000-35000.  If you go with an agency in US and you are open to all races/s*x/special needs or not...then the cost could be from 10000-30000.  There are places that offer grants and 0% interest loans, you could do a Home equity loan, and then our government also allows a tax credit of up to 10400 (somewhere around there) for over a 5 year period.  You may want to start with going to Agency's in your area that offer a "free seminar" about what they offer.  You will learn a lot about what is happening.  If at the very least it may teach you how you can get more involved with the process and not have to depend on other people to get things done.  Wish you luck.  (see how many thumbs down I get from this one...lololololololololololol)

Answer 2

Yes, I do have a negative outlook on adoption altogether.  It has to do with my 10 years' worth of research on infant development, child trauma, and the effects of separation on children (this includes kept children who are, for instance, relegated to daycare at an early age) .

I confess that I find it somewhat aggravating that the term "loving" is constantly associated with adoption.  Love is not enough even in intact families.  Why should it be considered enough in adoptive families where the child is even more vulnerable?  Are you aware of how many adopted children do NOT end up in emotionally healthy families?

Nevertheless, I hope you would read my responses with a more positive tone.  I am, after all, a child advocate.  My greatest concern is for children.  

I think it is wonderful that you are considering a child who needs a home rather than seeking out a child from a mother who is simply lacking support and being pressured to 'donate' her child.

If you are sincerely seeking to help a child or children from the foster system, I highly recommend Judith Viorst's "Necessary Losses."  I sincerely wish you the best in your endeavor to help children in need.

Answer 3

Why are YOU so insecure that one person on YA has shook you to your core?

Julie R is hardly alone.  There are lots of  adult adoptees who are finding our voices, and speaking out against adoption.  Being the product of adoption gives US every right to say HOW we feel, and why we believe adoption is wrong in all but the most dire cases.  It has nothing to do with a 'negative experience'.  

Losing a mother, father, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. IS always a NEGATIVE experience.  Adopted people lose everything.  Children are not meant to be the epoxy that holds together your fragile self-esteem.  A child will not solve your (I'm assuming) fertility problems.

There are very few children (outside of foster care) available for adoption.  There seems to be an endless supply of prospective adoptive parents convinced that 'a loving home' is all it takes to raise a child AMPUTATED from their clan.  

Why do you APs & PAPs INSIST on holding on to the adoption fantasty?  You're like children yourselves, acting as if you KNOW Santa isn't real, but if you admit it, you won't get the goodies.

We can't have everything in life.  You want adult adoptees to accept your DESIRE to parent other people's children, but you can't understand when we tell YOU that we have grown up as other people's children, and it's awful.

Just think--the only way you can 'parent' a child is to hold out hope that someone's life is falling apart, they have little money or resources so they have to give their flesh and blood AWAY to strangers to raise!

Tell us, why do you refute OUR truth?  And why can't you accept YOURS?

Answer 4

I believe adoption is a wonderful choice, and if this is what makes you happy and you can provide a happy, loving environment for a child, more power to you.  Many children who are living in foster care need happy homes, and most of them are older children that are hard to place.  If you have the love in your heart to raise them, then that is all that matters.  Go with what is in your heart and you can never be lead astray.

Answer 5

why must someone adopt to offer a child a home, care and love?

it doesn't take a perfect world or a perfect person to offer the above.

Answer 6

apparently you have had alot of negative attitudes about adopting.well i am an adoptee and i look forward to you picking someone out and helping them grow up as your own good luck. i was lucky and i am happy about how i turned out had i stayed with the folks i was with i would have been abused and not very happy about life.