Adoption Question?

Question

My sons father never claimed him after he was born, he has never been a part of our lives. He didnt sign the paternity acknowledgement and never had any court ordered visitation or child support. The only ties they have to each other is that my son has his last name, but the father is not on the birth certificate, just me. I found out that he is a not so nice man, so i never persued the issue, i was happy he left us alone.

I have moved on and my fiance wants to adopt my son. Seeing as no one has ever claimed to be the father, can i legally have my fiance put his name on the Paternity acknowledgement form and then have my sons last name changed? Is it legal to do that? Also, how old can a child be to have a Paternity acknowledgement form completed? I live in Wisconsin, if that helps.

Thanks!!!

Answer 1

First off why did you have son use father's last name?  Why not your last name? Change son's last name to yours. If you and your new guy get married I don't see any problem with him adopting your son even if you don't change son's last name to yours, but i recommend you do change son's last name.  Doesn't son ask why his name is different than yours?. Real father has not claimed him as his son, nor has he suppoted him all the years. he has no rights.   I have an adopted son and often asked him if he would like to find out about his biological mother and father - he has never wanted to know.

Answer 2

I agree with Julie that it would be morally wrong to declare your husand the biological father when he is not.  It is probably technically legally wrong as well (since he would be legally attesting to a biological connection that is not present) but you could PROBABLY get away with it.  

However, you do not necessarily have to have his father waive his paternal rights.  At this point, it may be quite difficult to track the father down.  If you CAN track him down, then it will likely be very easy to persuade him to sign the papers, since if he doesn't he's probably looking at having to pay thousands in back child support along with child support for the remainder of time until your son turns 18.  Most deadbeats have no problem signing a piece of paper giving up rights to a child they didn't want in order to avoid having to dish out significant amounts of money.  

On the other hand, if your son's deadbeat is anything like my son's - then tracking him down could be an issue.  My son's dad was with me when he was born, so he did sign the paternity acknowledgement, and IS on the birth certificate.  I do have court ordered child support - which is taken directly from his paychecks.  Unfortunately, my ex often decides he doesn't like paying, and instead jumps from job to job as soon as the state manages to track down a current employer.  Since he defaulted on a bank account a few years back (meaning he maxed out his overdraw protection and never deposited any money to pay it back) he can't get another one.  Without a bank account, he has to do almost everything pre-paid or get someone else to put it in their name.  This includes renting an apartment, buying a car, getting a cell phone, utilities, etc...  Thus, he leaves no electronic or paper trails to where he is except when he has employement that can be tracked through his SSN.  I've been wanting for years to try to get an address so I can send him certified copies of the medical bills that, in theory, he is supposed to pay half of.  (Ha Ha Ha)  The point of this is that it really is possible for dead beat dads to so effectively dissappear that even electronic PI's can't find them - and it's not possible to serve them with court termination papers.  Luckily, in matters of serving court documents, every state has an alternative method in instances where the servee cannot located.  They usually involve posting a notice on a public bullitin board at the court house, or running an a notice in the classified adds of local papers for a certain amount of time.  Once you do that, even if you can't find him to sign the relinquishment papers, the court can declare his rights terminated.  

It would be best for you to take the legal course of action.  First of all, if you don't and for some reason your childs biological father ever came looking for you, you could face not only civil but legal penalties for lying on the birth certificate and acknowledgment of paternity forms.  This may be a small chance, but is it something you want laying over your head.  Second, your son will eventually find out he's adopted.  If you have to then explain to him that you lied on documents to make it look like he wasn't...  well...  what kind of lesson does that teach him?  Also, if you have the adoption done legally, then if he ever wanted to be able to trace back his genetic herritage (either for medical problems, or to look for half siblings) then the records are there for him.  Getting adoption records unsealed may take some undoing, but at least they EXIST that way.  Lastly, if something ever happened to you and you died, you obviously want your husband to have custody.  However, if the adoption isn't FULLY legal, then there is always the chance that your child's biological father may hear of it.  If you die before your son is 18, Social Security will pay out to whomever is raising the child - so having custody may seem lucrative.  You don't want your sons sperm donor comming back and being able to rip your son away from the only true father he's ever known, just so he can claim a few hundred dollars a month.  All in all, it's better to just do the whole thing legally.  It'll cost you a little bit of money this way (I'm guessing between $500 and $3000 depending on your counties court fees, whether or not you can locate the biological father, and the potential costs of running adds or showing due diligence if you can't find him) - but you'll all feel better and be safer in the long run.  You may even be able to get financial help from non-profit groups or legal aid for some of these costs if you can't afford them.

Answer 3

No, he'll have to do an adoption.  For a deadbeat dad like your son's, it should be relatively easy to get him to sign the forms.  Make it on the condition that it is the only way he'll be able to make child support go away.  Good luck!

Answer 4

Hi Marley,

No, that is not legal to list someone other than the child's biological father as his father on his birth certificate.  It is morally wrong as well as legally wrong.  You would need to go through the proper channels.  First your child's father would need to sign relinquishment papers.  If he does not want to, then you cannot arrange for someone else to adopt his child.  If you try to skip this step, he could come back at any time and legally claim his child.  You & your fiance would have to be married for a minimum amount of time before he can petition to adopt your child.  He cannot adopt your child if you are not married.  A Wisconsin attorney specializing in family law would be able to give you more specifics on the length of time required there, etc.

Before proceeding, please be advised that it is not necessary to go through with adoption in order to change your son's name.  Adoptions do not require that any part of names be changed either.  That should be up to each child.  By the way, your son still has ties to his father besides sharing a name.  Someday he may want to know his father.  That is normal and that should be encouraged.  Your fiance can still be a positive, male role model in your son's life.  He can still care for him & love him.  Remember that even if you do go through with adoption, that will never change who your son's biological father is.  You should never keep that a secret from him!  It doesn't matter how you feel about his father now.  They will always be a part of each other.  Be aware that having someone adopt your child seals his original birth certificate forever and that may cause legal and/or personal problems for him down the line.

One more thing - If your new husband adopts your child, he will always have legal rights to your child even if you & your new spouse later divorce.  That means he will always get visitation and have to pay child support until your son is 18.  Your child will lose inheritance rights from his biological family.  He may also lose touch with the extended family members on that side of his family.  He may want to know them someday for medical information, heritage, etc.  Just some things to think about before you jump into anything.  Think of what's right for your son first.  Hope this info helps.  Thanks for asking.

julie j

reunited adoptee