Adoption Question?!?

Question

My ex is wanting to have my daughter adopted by my husband. So he doesn't have to pay anymore child support. I know my daughter is in love with my husband and thinks he is her daddy. She just turned 5 thursday and we are 24 weeks pregnant. My ex is really behind on child support he owes over 3 grand and all he's wanting to do is pay for the adoption which here is around 600 dollers as long as no one contest it. My question is and I'm asking with all honesty what really is the point of having her adopted over to my husband? She already thinks he's her father and i'm sure i'll never be able to keep the fact away from her for the rest of her life that he isnt and i don't feel like i should hide it from her. My ex doesn't see her so basically he's already let her go except for the money accept which i'm not collecting it. If you've had your child adopted over to your husband or wives are you planning on telling them eventually that they are there dads/moms but not biologically?

Answer 1

I was in the same situation your daughter is in. My mother's new husband adopted me when they got married. I was 4 when they got married, so the dad I have know was the only dad I really knew. I was always aware that my dad wasn't my biological father, but it wasn't a big deal. My dad chose to adopt me so that he would be my legal guardian if anything ever happened to my mother. My advice on how to tell your daughter that her "daddy" isn't her biological father is to either talk to her about her dad that was there when she was born and her dad that's here now, or what until she's older so that she will be better able to grasp the concept. Keep mentioning your ex now, so that it won't be a total shock to her when you do have the talk with her. Don't mention any negative things about your ex, even though he may be a deadbeat. My mom did that and when it did come time for me to meet my bio father, I didn't have a pre-formed opinion about him.

Answer 2

First of all it isn't just a piece of paper in the same way that a marriage license isn't just a piece of paper.  It is a public show of committment and I am sure that when your daughter is older she will appreciate how important that "piece of paper" is.  Also, wouldn't it be nice if all of your family has the same last name?  Once she a little older she might feel a little sad that she is the only one with a different last name.

Good luck and I hope you make whatever decision is right for you and your family.

Answer 3

Have your husband adopt her! If you died tomorrow, next week or next year, custody automatically reverts to your ex. Your husband has no legal standing and could have a hard time getting custody even if your ex was still inclined to give her up to him. Your ex (who I assume is a creep based on his deadbeat dad status and the fact that he doesn't see his own kid) could even threaten to retain custody unless your husband gave him money.

If your ex was in her life at all, I'd say hold off. But if the only reason to keep the connection is a vain hope of back child support, let the one who is her daddy be her legal father.

Answer 4

The option of adoption is such a wonderful thing!  I'd be honest with your daughter and let her know that your husband doesn't share blood with her, but is her father.  I believe that it would give your husband a feeling of love, and might help both your daughter and husband feel more like a family than that "step father" feeling.  If he already treats your daughter as his own, then why not opt for the adoption?  He's already a father to her, just not on paper...

Answer 5

Let your husband adopt her.  And TELL HER.  Make sure that she knows that her dad chose her and loves her. It makes her legally his and he will have full rights to her, especially in the case (heaven forbid!) you die. Check out what kind of rights your husband has right now.  You may be surprised!

As for biodad...well, if he doesn't want to be in her life, then what's the point of holding his feet to the fire?  If he's not paying, then isn't holding him to child support sort of like flogging a dead horse?  I'm not saying that he's right.  Of course, he is financially responsible.  However, logically...what does it gain you, besides being mad at him?  And do you really like that???

You would DEFINATELY tell her.  She has the right to know.  And it's better to tell her young and let her feel that this is normal life than to shock her when she's a teenager or older.

Answer 6

Courts are usually pretty tough about child support, so I don't know that your ex will be able to get out of paying the back support that he owes.  That would be something to know.

At any rate, as an adopted person, I just want to say that whatever you choose to do, I'm glad you plan on not hiding the truth from your daughter about who her biological father is.  The truth is the only way to go.  Lies, even lies of omission, do not work and only cause harm.

Congratulations to you and your husband on your new child, too.

Answer 7

An adoption will give your husband legal rights regarding your daughter.

This is important, especially if something were to happen to you.  Otherwise your husband is legally a stranger to your daughter, even though he is the man she thinks of as her father.

Regardless of the possible adoption, your ex will still owe you the back child support, unless you waive it in court.  He will simply not owe you any further child support.

Make sure you have a current copy of your daughter's birth certificate, as after the adoption, that will change.  Your daughter will also be able to legally use your husband's last name.