Adoption: Should a child who has been adopted know they have been adopted from a young age or not?

Question

If a child has been adopted, should they know they have been adopted from a young age or should they find out when they are 18?

Answer 1

they should know from a young age.  There is no shame in being adopted.  To grow up all your life and then find out your "mummy and daddy" are not your real parents is absolutely devastating for a young adult to deal with.   I wouldn't have it in my hear to do that to a human being.

Answer 2

its always easier at a younger age....

my cousins are adopted i have 2 of them

and they would have been hurt if they found out when they were 18 they are 16 and 17 now

Answer 3

My mother was unmarried when she gave birth to me and I was adopted by her new husband (not my father) when I was 3 years old.  I was kept completely in the dark although, of course, close relatives knew.  I was in my forties when, quite by chance, I found out.   At first, my mother told me she didn't tell me because she wanted to protect me but has since said she should have told me.  Sometimes I feel my whole life has been a lie.  Sadly, my real father had died by the time I found out the truth so I never got the chance to meet him.  I am nothing like my mother and never really felt I belonged.  My mother never seemed really happy in her marriage and I know she truly loved my real father.  At times I sensed she resented me but I never understood why.  I never had a close relationship with my stepfather.  A lot of things that were said in my youth now makes sense to me.  Although I have had a wonderful career and two lovely daughters, I often wonder how my life would have been if I'd know when I was younger.  Children should be told as soon as they are old enough to understand, that is their right.

Answer 4

They should know about the wonderful way they found their family & that their family found them, from the very first day that they join that family.  It should be a beautiful part of the family's history.

Answer 5

My view is that probably 16 is about the right age to tell a child that he or she is adopted.

A young child may feel rejected by its blood parents and when conflict arises with the adopted parents may erroneously attribute this to having a second class relationship with them.

Far better to allow the child to grow up in ignorance, building a strong relationship with its adopted parents so that when the news is received it is mature enough to handle the possible emotional conflict and independent enough to make appropriate enquiries if so desired.

Answer 6

I wasn't adopted exactly, but I was taken from my mother when I was three and sent to live with my aunt and uncle while she was in prison. I was told the truth about what happened right from the start, and I think that was the best way it could have been done.  That and, if you wait until they're 18, theat gives them a lot to deal with, college/uni transition, general hormones etc...

Answer 7

My sister, was given up for adoption when she was born, her adoptive parents didn't want to tell her the truth until she was 18, and she found out when she was 13 and completely went from a straight A student to being put in a group home for troubled teens because she went out of control...... I think if they know as they grow, they are able to accept it.  I had a very good friend whom was adopted as well as her brother, she said she'd always known growing up, and she wouldn't change a thing because her adoptive parents were wonderful and loved them both very much.

Answer 8

well i was adopted and i was told from the very start. as soon as i was old enough to understand my parents told me! I personal think it is better this way because they are not hiding anything from you! Imagine living 18 years of your life then your mum siting you down and telling you that were not your real parents, no way that real mess with peoples heads.

Answer 9

yes tell as soon as they are old enough to understand

Answer 10

They should know from a young age, as they will feel lied to when older, just as long as their parents say they love them and it makes no difference that they are not biologically related.

Answer 11

I would have to say yes, at an age when they are old enough to understand.

Answer 12

Yes, they should know when they're young, but it shouldn't be focused on.  It will be easier for them to deal with as adults.  Otherwise it comes as a big shock & the older kids go through all of these weird feelings, it's just a lot more dramatic to have it be a surprize than to have known all along.

Answer 13

its easier to understand and not be shocked or upset if you knw when your young rather then being told that information when your older

Answer 14

you should first explain to them what it means to be adopted and how the whole adoptioin thing works then once your sure that they know what it means then you should explain that they were adopted because if you wiat till they are older they will get mad at you and get very upset they will feal that you are lying to them the sooner the better

Answer 15

Both my Dad and my mums father were adopted, they were both told from a young age. I think its important to tell a child early on so they know that even if your not biologically related your still family. Plus if you leave it there is a possibility they will find out anyway, which is what happened to a friend of mine, and that messed him up for a while.

Answer 16

Yes they should be told as soon as the adoptive parents feels that they are able to understand and explained in ways that are appropriate for their age so that would mean fairly regular discussions at different ages to make sure they understand what has gone on and why and to allow them to explore their feelings on the matter.

At 18 to suddenly be told you are adopted would be perhaps too much of a shock. Best to start when young and then grow up with that knowledge.

btw - there is a section for Adoption in answers under Pregnancy and Parenting.

Answer 17

yes they should know from a young age

Answer 18

Social Workers recommend that a child grows up with the knowledge that they have been chosen.

It is helpful for you to make them a story book about adoption and how it happened.

Answer 19

i think you should tell them when you are ready, if you tell them too late they will be in a big shock and will feel really weird,

DEFINETLY TELL THEM B4 THEIR TEENS

i think you should tell them maybe kindergarten?

Answer 20

my aunt was adopted by my gran she knew from a young age and just accepted the fact but i also know someone who didn't find out till their teenage years and it sent them off the rails a little he suddenly rejected his adoptive parents he got over it in the end and things are fine now but from these two experiences if i adopted i would tell the child from a young age

Answer 21

NO WAY if you tell them at 18 they will hate you u should tell them at a young age or they will go on thinking there r ur child so tell them at a young age just break it down easy if they are young they wont be as mad or mad at all but if you tell them at 18 they will hate you and run away from home and dont you think they would find out soon enouph no baby pics,not the same features,papper work. you know?

Answer 22

i belevie that you should be honest with them from day 1 because that is how you can build on a relationship.  Also imagine how shocking that would be to find out at 18 after thinking you were related.

Answer 23

They should know from a young age

Answer 24

If a child is always told something then it becomes part of their normal and they will accept it rather than waiting until they are older when it will hurth them more because by the fact it wasn't told to them makes them question why ?

Answer 25

I think the younger the better.  I don't think it should be kept from a child.

Answer 26

I think that it would make life easier for all of you if the child knows from the beginning than it suddenly being a bombshell when you think they're old enough to know.

Good luck x*x

Answer 27

I have a friend who has adopted two children. She told the eldest when they adopted the youngest. The eldest was 6 at the time.

The youngest knew even ealier.