Adoption Shower?

Question

I am adopting 2 girls (age 6 & 7) and I was wondering since I never had children and/or probably won't have a child of my own, would it be really tacky to have an adoption shower?? Serious answers only please.

Answer 1

If anything I would have like a welcome home party. Have some close friends-some kids their age. You should already be prepared when they get home. If someone else wants to throw you a shower then thats up to them.

Answer 2

I'm not sure it would be tacky to have a shower but throwing it YOURSELF would be tacky because you're basically saying "hey everyone, please buy me gifts!!!" :)  Showers are meant to be thrown by friends & family members.  If you want to do something yourself, you can have an adoption celebration with close friends & family to just simply celebrate this special time for you & your family.  But it wouldn't necessarily be about gifts & wouldn't be called a "shower."

Answer 3

Marlene --

Don't let Heather bother you -- she's against all that is adoption.

I think it's a wonderful idea to have a "welcome home" party for these girls.  Invite friends, family and other kids their age -- it's a wonderful idea!

Do you mind if I ask -- are they coming from foster care?  I ask only because of their age.   Were you fostering them before you became a forever family for them?

I think i'm going to stop celebrating birthdays . . . that just means i'm a year closer to death and that is a loss . . . .

Answer 4

I think that is a wonderful idea.  I think the girls would probably enjoy it too.  Congratulations!!!

Answer 5

Nope, not tacky...My parents had a 'baby shower' for my brother since he was their first child.  It wasn't called an adoption shower tho-  It should be a celebration of new member of the family, regardless of what you decide to call it.

Answer 6

I think having a party for your new kids is great, especially since they are older they can participate and have a good time.  However, I wouldn't term it as a shower, just have a celebratory party that is focused on the kids.  We had several celebrations, some with family, some with friends, some were termed 'showers', and others were just 'parties'.

Also, like Wynner, we had MANY friends give us clothes, toys, books, etc for our boys.  In some cases, it is hand-me-downs from their own kids, in others, completely new items.  The dressers in the boys' room are bursting and our house is crowded with toys (and we love it!).  People are very generous when they hear you are adopting, and it lets them feel they are part of you happiness.

Answer 7

I love that idea!

Answer 8

It's a wonderful idea but it would be tacky if you were the one to give it.  It should be given by friends or relatives.

Answer 9

it actually sounds like a fun idea.  i bet people will be thrilled to death about the idea.  what might make it more fun though, is wait until the girls are home with you and have a great welcome to the family/welcome home party.  that way, you will still get goodies for your girls and everyone will get to meet the 'new additions.'  good luck! and congrats!

Answer 10

now  that's a wonderful idea, in fact you could make it a family/friend party welcoming the girls to your home.

Answer 11

No, I don't think it's tacky, although, usually a 'shower' is about people giving the new parents a lot of the things that a newborn needs to help out with the expense of it all.  What would you expect people to get you for a six and seven your old?  I don't mean that rudely, I'm just being practical.  Would it be clothes? beds? toys?  If I were coming to your shower, I wouldn't know what to bring as a gift, so that would need to be clarified.

Answer 12

Congratulations! Heck no, have an adoption shower! Include the girls. Best wishes.

Answer 13

Huh?  Once the adoption is finalized you absolutely, positively do have children of "your own".  What a great reason to celebrate!

If it were me, I would not call it an adoption shower.  Perhaps a "we are family" party?  "Shower" sounds infantile to me and might look awkward in your girl's life books when they are remembering all of your wonderful family milestones.

If it were me, I would send out invitations to a "Family Reception".  Naturally, your friends and family will want to bring gifts!  If your family has specific needs, I would find a registry and include it in your announcement.  That is probably not entirely proper but times have changed!

Answer 14

i think an adoption shower is a great idea but the kids are a little older maybe they would enjoy an adoption party. my neighbor adopted her cousins kids after an accident and she threw almost like a block party everyone was there, there entire family, friends and the neighborhood. the kids got to meet everyone and ran around and had a ball. it was a little less structured than a shower so there was no uncomfortable moments when the kids had to stand in front of everyone and open gifts. they opened everything later that night and helped with the thank you cards.

Answer 15

No I dont think It would at all. Thats is wonderfull 6 and 7 are fun ages. Congrats on being a new mommy!!!

Answer 16

It probably isn't necessary to do that.   When we told people we were adopting older kids, including our first girl, people started dropping off boxes of clothes on our front porch.  Our daughter started out with such nice things - I was jealous. Her closet and dressers were packed.

After your daughters are home with you, throw a 'welcome' party for them/ 'thank you' party for those that helped.  They can meet everyone at once (and actually be present, as opposed to if you had a shower before they came home), and usually, they get pretty good gifts then as well.

Answer 17

I like the idea.  I think maybe you can be creative to have the kids involved.  

Heather, I am confused.  I have read many of your posts, I thought you are all for adopting foster kids and not a big fan of the infant adoption.  So why the negative tone with your response.  Is it you just like the "fight".  No one can ever win with you huh?  BTW, yes you are right loss surrounds adoption, for all parties involved.  However, gaining something is also part of adoption.  Many ways to look at it.  Is your glass always half empty??  I am sorry for you for that.

Answer 18

I have heard of adoption showers and I TOTALLY agree, it is FABULOUS! I have known many people to adopt and you deserve a shower JUST as much as someone who got pregnant... and when they are that old you still need stuff like clothes and toys. Just ask a sibling or friend throw the party. ALSO, just make sure to have it AFTER the papers are signed. I know it is hard to think this, but I have seen so many people I know go through an adoption and get to know the child only to have the parents change their mind OR something else happen at the VERY VERY VERY last second. then they have to go home and shut all those presents up in a room and pretend they aren't heartbroken. Anyway, it is a great idea!

Answer 19

are you adopting the children from foster care?  i'm judging from the ages that these were foster kids...

although i agree that it's fine to have a celebration or a welcome party for them, i do see heather's point about not "celebrating" their loss from their families.

when my brother and sil adopted their boys from foster care  he and his wife just had a bbq, invited family over AND the children's f-grand-parents and cousins. people bought gifts if they wanted, but it wasn't staged as such.

Answer 20

Great idea! You've never had kids and you will need alot of stuff. Why should you miss out on the fun part of having kids just because your adopting! Invite all your friends it will be so fun! Congrats!

Answer 21

Because they are not infants I would do something different than a "shower".

I agree with the Welcome Home party. Include the girls and invite only close friends and family.

ETA: I do not view this as celebrating their loss but rather celebrating and welcoming them to their new family.

Answer 22

I think it's a great idea to celebrate the fact that you all are now a "forever family".  I may not call it an "Adoption" party, but maybe a "Forever Family" or "Welcome Home" party instead.  My son is adopted from a different country and we celebrate "Gotcha Day" anniversaries.  :-)

The children you are adopting are REAL and you will be their REAL Mommy...  therefore, they ARE your OWN children.  (Although, I understand what you are saying- that they are not "biological".)  

Anyway, congratulations!  I hope you DO plan to celebrate- and I hope you all have a great time!

Kristy

Answer 23

I get the point of a time of loss not being "celebrated".  But, a new family being formed is something to acknowledge.  I think it is possible to have a welcoming get together (you don't have to call it shower - people will bring gifts for the children anyway!)  I think it is possible to have an occasion like this be a positive experience for the children AND also be aware of their feelings of loss and be the type of parent who acknowledges that.

Answer 24

I disagree with those who are against this.  Baby showers in general are NOT for the child.  They are for the Mom.  Typically, the children are not even there.  So I see nothing wrong with ANY mom being the recipient of a baby shower.  We adopted a 6 month old, and I had three separate showers - one at work, one by neighbors, and one by family.  Our son's bio-grandmother even attended one of my showers!  

Since you are adopting older children, not babies, I would recommend having a Welcome Home Party to celebrate their joining your family.  The children can be there and the celebration can focus on them.  

If you are calling it a shower, the proper etiquette is that someone else should throw the shower for you.  If you are having a Welcome Home Party for the girls, I think it would be perfectly fine for you to hold the party yourself.

Good luck to you.  And don't worry about what those who are against this say.  Anything to celebrate a child coming into a family is worth it.  : )

Answer 25

Yes, tacky.  Like celebrating all that they have lost.

Answer 26

No it would be a great way to introduce them to family and friends.

Answer 27

i know someone who had a shower for a child they adopted i think he was 5. their family was very happy to throw it for them. i don't think there is a thing in this world wrong with it. plus it shows the children how loved and wanted they were by everyone right from the start.