Adoption/ Visitation/ Moving to another State...Please Help!?

Question

Ok my ex has had nothing to do with our childern in almost two years. My now Fiancee want's to adopt my boys. My ex some ho wfound out about this and is now taking me to court for visitaion. My fiancee and I planed on getting married in November then moving to North Carolina where He'll be stationed. My ex is bipolar and abusive. I need advice. I still want my fiancee to adopt my boys but i know my ex wouldn't sign off on it. Is there any way around this? And if he does get visitation, is there any way I can still move out of this state? And can the courts really make me let my ex have my childern on thier birthday's, cause thats what he's asking for? He wasn't there for their first birthday and I don't think it would be fair that I would have to miss their birthdays because of him.

Answer 1

Yes, the courts can do anything they want!  You have to understand that first.  The decision about what to do will not necessarily be in the children's best interest.

You ex will likely get the visitation.  It takes a lot to prevent that.  You need to check visitation laws in your state on the website I posted below.  

Even though all of this is going on, and you are pretty upset with him, please remember that the BEST thing you can do for your children is to never say anything bad about their father.  THEY are a part of him.  If you call him scum, they will grow up to be scum.  Plain and simple. (Not that you did!)

Answer 2

you cannot have your boyfriend adopt without the dads permission, do you have custody? if there is an order with the court you need to file papers with that court to obtain permission to move out of state , i would not do that until you are married and can show his new orders

Answer 3

While I think your ex cannot have whatever he wants, like bdays, he is entitled to visitation, unless you have proof of his mental instability or abusiveness (like police reports). Best advice- get yourself a good attorney NOW, and be aware your ex also has the right to fight to keep his kids in state. It sucks- I wish it were easier for you, but even crappy Dads have rights too.

Answer 4

If he has truly had no contact with the kids for 2 years then it will be quite possible for you to have the court terminate his parental rights. You and your fiance will need to be married first, most courts will not terminate the rights with out someone in place to accept that responsibility. The court will see that the father abandoned the kids and if you can show other aspects of his negative influence, you have a fighting chance.

Document every word and action that happens and most importantly what does not happen. Go back to day one and document everything. When he has visited and called and when he has not, especially if he told the children that he would visit or call. Has he been paying support? If not this will count in your favor, but it is not going to be a determining factor (especially in visitation).

If hiring a lawyer for the full fight is out of the financial question then at least go to one for advice. They will usually only charge $150 to $300 per hour. Go with an outline of events and questions ready. But most importantly let him or her know right up front that your goal is to terminate the biological fathers rights and have your fiance/husband adopt the kids.

Answer 5

If their father wants them in his life, you shouldn't try to stand in the way of that.  However, there are ways to legally force him to fulfill his parental duties.  If he is asking for visitation, make sure he gets it!  Get documentation of his abusiveness and bipolar disorder, and force him to pay for the social worker for supervised visitation.  

You need to be somewhat open to the fact that your plans to move may have unlocked some fatherly instinct that may benefit the kids.  

Whatever you do, document everything.  DO NOT speak badly about the father in front of the kids.  If and when a social worker talks to them as part of the legal process, you don't want them recounting how you have made him sound like the devil (even if he deserves it).

Answer 6

As much as you do not want to read this, here it goes. If your ex is not willing to sign off on the adoption you can not move forward with that decision until a court of law strips him of his parental rights and resposibilites. That is not going to happen just because he was not arround the first part of their lives (he will just tell a judge he has grown up and realizes his parental duties). If he is taking you to court to force visitation, unless you can prove he was abusive to your children, he will probably get it. You can move out of state but be aware that you need to have in writing and approved by the courts who is finacially resposible for all travel. Make sure that you have actual dates of visitation set ie... June 23rd through July 19th and if possible a time frame ie... beginning at 8:00 a.m. and ending at 6:00 p.m.

If it helps at all, I went through this with my ex and after the first year he had no contact with my daughter at all. She was well aware of the situation as she became older and I was very careful not to express my opinion of my ex to her. My daughter is now 18 and with no input from me has decided that her life has been full and happy and having a missing bio father has not by any means harmed her. My current husband, whom I married when my daughter was 2, is refered to as "Dad" and when the time comes for her to walk down the isle it will be him that escorts her not my ex.

If your ex does become involved in your childrens life for the long haul it is very important for their mental health that you not project your fellings about their bio father to them. That is for you and your ex to deal with, not the children.

I hope all works out well for you and good luck.

Answer 7

Were you married and who got custody?If you got full custody you can move them out of state if there in joint custody your in for a long battle and you and your fiancee might want to consider option My daughter is my husband step daughter but other than the name you would know it and being in the service step get the same as blood so if you stop with the adoption I will bet your ex will leave you alone Men a crazy about there children keeping there name Please email me [e-mail] Iwent through this I lived in Texas and I got the court pretion to move and there wasnt anything my ex could do but alot varies from state to state

Answer 8

I know that in the good state of California, if a parent is absent for 18 months and the custodial parent finds someone who is wanting to adopt the children, then courts usually will take away the other parents paternal rights - for the fact that they haven't been a good parent and absent and the kids have a chance to have a good involved parent.

Hopefully the judge will see that you moving out of state is best for the kids. It's more then likely that they won't keep you in the state, and you'll  just have to tell them that he had interest in the kids until he found out you were moving on with your life.

Best of luck to you.