Adoption Vs Giving birth?

Question

do you think the need to want to have you "own" kid is a social thing or is it a natural need esp for women.why do so many people choose to have a baby instead of adopting when they know there are millions of kids in need of a better home.

Answer 1

Because I want to help the native american nation grow back to it's glory. the only way we can do this is with blood members.

Besides, it's easier and cheaper and most people won't qualify for adoption. There are some people who are perfectly suited to be parents, but for some reasons (most often they got in trouble with the law or health issues) can't adopt.

Answer 2

I think adoption and giving birth are great.

Adoption is wonderful because it gives children who are not wanted by their birth parents to be placed in a warm and wonderful caring environment by the parents who adopted them and consider them one of their own even if they did not give birth to them.

However, I am glad my sister (and brother-in-law) opted to have their children by giving birth because otherwise my two wonderful nephews  would not be here and  I cannot see life without them.

And this is to the people who said that adoptive kids are not part of the family you are totally WRONG.  It is not whether or not you came thru the birth canal of the mother that makes you wanted but by the love you get from the people who raises(d) you.

And no I was not adopted.

Answer 3

i personaly think that why have kids when there are so many starving homeless children out in the world

Answer 4

its cheaper by a lot

any can get knocked up but not just anyone can adopt

and a lot of people dont know or understand how it works

Answer 5

People in general have a biological drive to procreate. It's the way most of us were made. I have always wanted to be a mother and when I was unable to get pregnant, I turned to adoption. I am starting to believe that things work out a certain way for a reason. If I had started the adoption process any earlier or later than I did, I wouldn't have my son, whom I adopted at age 2. I would probably have another wonderful child that I would love as much as I love my son, but I'm thrilled to be parenting the child that I have and I honestly believe that we have *this* particular child for a reason.

Answer 6

Adoption is not easy by any stretch.  Heck, for most people to become a parent, it takes refraining from birth control, maybe a drink or two, and viola!  New life is created.  

To adopt, you ususally have been "tested" by every sort of invasive and embarrassing medical test imaginable, used a large amount of money to pay these bills, decided that you aren't going to do that anymore, and begun to resave for the bills of adoption.

Now enter the invasive questions of total strangers to determine if your are fit to adopt and parent a child.  A complete stranger will come into your home, inspect your surroundings, call your friends, etc.  You will go to the police station and get fingerprinted at the same place that criminals are brought in.  You will spend hours learning about child development.  Basically, you get a degree in adoption and basic parenting before you even see that child you crave to enter your family.

Then, once the placement happens, you will sit on pins and needles during that waiting period before things become final.  The child you have is jsut what you wanted and because you are nervous you worry about every little thing.  Finally, you go to court and are made a family, officially, not in the privacy of your own home as was meant to be, but again in a legal system that prosecutes criminals.

Then, don't forget that you will be faced for a lifetime of stupid questions and comparisons set out wanting to know about her "real" mother.  Come on, the adoption triad is complicated enough without society wanting to put some spin on it that adoptees were rescued from their life and given a better life.  Many many children are in horrible circumstances, true, but these blanket statements are what make things worse for people.  Let adoptees worry about the real issues that they face without putting everything out there just becuase they are adopted.

Don't forget that if a child is adopted and this becomes news to adults around them, they will have these types of statements in their records:  A, who lives with her adoptive parents, is an extremely bright child.  Blah, blah blah!

I would like to see once:  B, who lives with her biological parents, whose mother had a failure to fully dialate was delivered by c-section, is a very inquisitive child.

No, having to "have your own kind" isn't a need that adoptive parents share.  We have been through it all and wanted to be parents more than anything else.  We celebrate all the work, pain, financial cost, waiting endlessly and do it all willingly because our need to have a family transcends any biological connection to a human being.  Love is not formed by biology, it is formed through hard work and sacrifice.

That being said, I have two children, the first through adoption, the second through a pregnancy.  I love each girl as the individual she is.  I thank the Lord each day for them both, but in the end, they are equally my children, whether my DNA is there or not.

I hurt for my daughter when her adoption is treated in any way other than what it really is, a wonderful event for our family, and the fulfillment of the plan by her birthmom to place her (not give her up) PLACE her in a home that she selected that would be the family that she wanted her to grow up in.

I know this was a long answer, and people can like it or not.  I just think that as a society we need to treat adoption, adoptees and the adoption trio with the dignity and respect that it deserves.  

As for all those children overseas that need a home free from hunger, disease, crime . . . I wish I could go get all of them and bring them home.  I can't though.  Those who have the means, I wish them the best of luck and am grateful that they are able to do so.

Answer 7

I think society in general makes women feel that if they do not give birth to children then they are less of a person because (as certain people continually remind us in this category) they (we) are "barren".  That being said, I also believe that for most women who want a family, pregnancy is the "natural instinct".  

From a realistic point of view also, adoption is typically very expensive.  In many cases that frightens people away from adoption.  Also, there are so many horror stories out there about foster children and the "baggage" they have that people tend to shy away from the term "special needs".  The sad part is that it is like everything, there are bad stories about foster care and there are good stories.  It's just that the good stories receive less attention so people tend to focus on the bad.  It truly is unfair to all the children in foster care who need a loving home.

Answer 8

i personally think having your own kids is better because you will have that special feeling that those are your kids and not someones child but i can see how sad is it for those who don't have parents you can choose both but i want to tell you in case if you don't know that having adopted child is only for infertile parents because i also know one of my friend is adopting a child.

Answer 9

here comes an answer from both sides- I was adopted and have 2 adopted children- (infant adoption).  One thing that I cannot stand is when someone says, like one of your answerers- "I personally think having your own kids is better because you will have that special feeling that those are your kids and not someones child"-  that makes the adopted child feel real important, doesn't it. My 2 adopted children are my children-

Answer 10

I think this depends on each individual.

Myself, I am expecting my 5th biological child. Why did I have my own instead of adopting? For me, this was a natural thing. My children were  wanted, planned and created in love. (my 3rd one was an unexpected but pleasant surprise)

I, myself am adopted and I have always thought about adoption. In fact at one point in my life, I felt I needed to adopt a hard to place or special needs child in order to "give back" so to speak.

However, my husband at the time, also an adopee, did not agree. Since we were not in agreement there was no way for me to adopt.

Life is strange sometimes. I am no longer with that husband. This Saturday I am marrying my fiance. He has full custody of his daughter and after the marriage I will be adopting her in a step parent adoption. (oh and just a weird quirk of fate here, she is a special needs child)

I have raised this child for half of her life now. I love her as much as I do my biological children. To me there is no difference. They are all my kids, she just came to me in a different way.

Answer 11

OK- oi have one adoptive child (came first) and one bio child.

I have to say that going through the adoption process was much easier than being PG.  Well for me at least (have blood disorder and the PG nearly killed me and our second child)

We adopted because we knew it was the right thin for us to do at that point.  And because we did the right thing our second child came.  

Will I adopt again heck yeah!!  will have have more bio kids, HECK NO!!  tubes are tied for health reason and I am only 31.

I think that adoption is becoming a better know fact as the infertility becomes more of an issue.  

As far as getting those kids that need homes -- we need to advocate for them and encourage all we know to adopt.

Answer 12

I don't know about there being a need to have our "own" children, to me it's been more like a biological want once I reached a certain time in my life.

I was never sure I wanted children at all until I reached my 30's then suddenly my biological clock started ticking! I didn't believe there was even such a thing as the "biological clock" so imagine my suprise when my nochalance over having children became an unfulfilled desire.

I have been one of the "lucky" ones in that I had no trouble conceiving & am currently expecting my first child. However, had I not been so able to conceive, my desire to raise a child would have been so great that I would look to IVF & adoption to fulfill this "need".

Adoption brings with it another complete set of difficulties, the least of which is expense - the most extreme is the emotional difficulties that child might face (I was adopted) upon reaching adulthood.

To me, adoption is a choice I need to leave for other women in my situation who are UNABLE to conceive naturally & carry a baby to term. When nature is "the luck of the draw" there need to be options for infertile couples.

Answer 13

There is a highly competitive world for infants and newborn, so I dont' understand those who adopt babies who can have their own.  Usually those in competition are unable to have their own children.

There are "millions" of children, but the ones waiting are those considered less desirable by society, which is a crock of course.  

We hvae chosen older children and are excited!

Answer 14

I have no children, but always wanted to experience pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood.  Because I'm infertile, it didn't happen. Wanting to experience these things just seemed like an innate desire for me, though.

As for why I never adopted a child in foster care, well I was considering it at one point, but then I was stricken with a debilitating illness.  It was a long recovery and it sort of blew that for me.

Answer 15

I do believe there is a biological need for most of us to procreate or else the human species wouldn't exist.  Once I met my husband I knew i wanted to have children with him.  We always wanted a large family and we have always been socially concerned with children in need.  We have decided to adopt one child for every birth child.  We have just adopted a second time.  This last baby was from Ethiopia.  No matter how my children come to me I love them all the same, with all my  heart.  I wish everyone could adopt.  The world would be a better place.

Answer 16

I know there are many needy children around the world as I was one of them but now that I am an adult I have 5 of my own children. I would love to adopt but while I am able to have my own I will and love them. I am not sure why women have babies and give them away as I don't know why that happened to me and couldn't consider doing that. I understand there may certain situations in which adoption is necessary but being adopted has given me a sense of pride that I am able to have my own babies and keep them and love them until such time as they move out. I have thought of adoption or even fostering other kids but for right now am happy with things the way they are.  :)

Answer 17

If it's natural, I am unnatural.  I have never wanted children, natural or adopted, so I don't have any.  The existence of the childfree community disproves the idea that women have a natural or even social "need" for children.  

But most people seem to prefer to have their own kids if they can.

Answer 18

If we all had to pay adoptions fees, there would be alot less children in the world. Depending on the child you want, you could be on this list for years. If I can have my own kids, why take a baby that could go to an infertile couple? If I did adopt, it would be a child over 2. I think adopting babies is for those that cannot have their own. I'd honestly feel guilty for adopting a baby if I was physically capable of carrying a child to term.