Adoption: What do you think of this??

Question

My husband and i were coming back from town and we were behide a car with a sign in the window that said "We want to adopt a baby" and it had their phone number under that saying well i thought it was a joke so i called to ask and the woman was telling me how she could not have kids and i was telling her to go on adoption.com but she told me that she has looked into adoption agencys and they told her it could cost up to 50,000 or more to go through the adoption process so don't you think that is like a legal way to sell a baby? Why is it if someone did sell their baby they go to jail but let a lawyer take alot of money to get a baby to a couple and that is fine..I don't get that..It is the same thing...

Anyhow would you advertise like that..with a sign taped to your windshield of your car?

Answer 1

It only costs $50,000 for international adoptions. Local adoptions are much less expensive and are virtually free because the government lets you not pay taxes for 5 years (depending on how much you make) when you adopt a child locally. My aunt and uncle's adoption cost them around $10,000 total.

Answer 2

International adoptions could cost that much, but local adoptions do not, as a few other answerers have said.  It is sad that adoptions have to cost, but they do, that is life.  We adopted 2 children 19 and 16 years ago.  We went through an adoption lawyer and he did not take that huge of an amount.  We took care of some of the birth mom's expenses while she was pregnant.  It did not feel like we were buying a baby though- if a woman does not have health coverage it costs a lot to have your own child as well.   I think it was kind of strange to have a bumper sticker on the back of their car though, would not think this would be a safe way to find a child.

Answer 3

Dear Julian's Mommy,

To answer your question: I think it is tacky, should be illegal, and is highly unethical.

To Sizesmith:

If you have never asked anyone for their child, then why did you say  "I envy you for being pregnant, if you ever know someone who becomes pregnant, and wishes to place a baby for adoption, I'd love to adopt again some day."?

Why did you attempt to put an ad in the paper?

Do you not think that is asking someone for their child? Do you not think that "girls who are young and pregnant, single, and struggling" might need something other than the offer of taking their child from them?

"Many girls don't have friends who would help them." Then they should go through an adoption agency. If you believe adoption agencies are 'strong arming' mothers, then I would question how you think providing housing, clothing, food, rent, bills, toys, etc. for a mother is any less 'strong arming'. While you may not see it, this is called bribery. It is highly unethical. Finally, as to your remark: "My theory is, it's better than handing a business card to someone"....

How is it better? What makes it better? The two actions are essentially the same. No sane woman in her right mind would call up a stranger to offer over her child....through a business card, a newspaper ad, or a bumper sticker. That is b/c no sane woman would advertize for a baby in that manner. There are plenty of mothers who want to give up their children. They have access to the internet, to their doctors, to local agencies, etc..to place their child. Instead, people want to circumvent the privacy of others and broadcast their desire to take a womans child. I would absolutely never say or do the things you have said and done to get a child. There are thousands of children already born who need homes and families. These children are loving, wonderful children from 1 day to 18 years old....all available for free to the right home. Instead, you want to take an infant away from her young, struggling mother. Perhaps providing services to her would be a better thing to do....perhaps helping her to obtain WIC, Medicaid, or some other support would be better. Anything would be better. It is amazing to me that you would even post this, much less believe it to be ethical.

Answer 4

Yikes!  No!  

That's just all sorts of wrong.  Unfortunately, it also smacks of that desperate obsession that's so easy to fall into when the infertility treatments keep failing.  I hope this lady is able to come to some kind of resolution.

Answer 5

Adoption prices through agencies have quoted me in the 32-48 thousand dollar range.  I successfully adopted a now 10 month old at birth, from a mother who was going to leave him at the hospital.  

It's so hard to get in touch with women who truly want to place their children up for adoption.  I've talked with one who kept her child, based on what "friends" had told her.  She ended up losing the child to CPS, at age 5, after she attempted suicide.  She said she wished she'd placed him earlier.  

As an adoptive parent, I was so fortunate to be introduced to my son's 1st mom through a friend.  Many girls don't have friends who would help them.  Even few have friends who are home studies approved, and who've been through the background checks, etc, in order to be an adoptive family.  

My theory is, it's better than handing a business card to someone.  It's at least a way to get the word out that they want to adopt.  I've seen a few girls who are young and pregnant, single, and struggling.  I've said to one, "I envy you for being pregnant, if you ever know someone who becomes pregnant, and wishes to place a baby for adoption, I'd love to adopt again some day."  In a way, it's a hint, but my goal is to never try to pursuade someone to give their child up.  I wish to adopt from someone who already has their mind made up, and doesn't know how to go about things.  I've never asked anyone for their child!  

My son's 1st mom had chosen to place her child before he was born.  I up front told her that everything I bought for him was his, and if she decided to keep him, I wanted her to have it.  I put a roof over her head, and helped her every way I legally could, and someone called me coercsive.  I was trying to help her.  An adoptive parent can't seem to be able to adopt a child who needs a home without so many horrible remarks from people who don't know the situation.  I wanted to place an ad in the paper, however, I couldn't, because they don't take adoption ads.  It sucks that people who have lots of money can get a placement within days if they try, and yet, I try to do things legally, and not through an agency, because I believe they strong arm people, and it sucks.  I say if they want to put the sticker up, and feel comfortable doing so, let them!

Answer 6

Dear Julian's Mommy,

This woman sounds like a nut job! People who try to circumvent the legal process to obtain a child, IMO, have some serious issues and are probably NOT safe people to place a child with. I find "advertising" for a child to be simply disgusting - especially in such a way as these people have gone about it! Next we're going to see people with "Gimmie your kid!" tee shirts! Or better yet - how about just tattooing it on their foreheads!

I would be willing to bet that these people have been turned down for legal adoptions for some other reason besides money and that they are trying to play on people's sympathy with the $50,000 story. They obviously don't want to look into foster care adoptions (probably because they won't pass the background checks!) which are free or low cost! These people would probably be textbook examples of coersive if they ever found a vulnerable expectant mother. Yuck.

ETA: ROTFLAMO, TISH!!!

Answer 7

dude thats creepy

Answer 8

Ummmm no, i wouldn't advertise to adopt a baby.

our domestic adoption $8,000.

our international adoption $15,000.

Never heard of an adoption costing $50,000.

Foster Care is still basically $0.00

Answer 9

I would find some illegals that are heading back to their home country and have them scam her. She deserves it.

Answer 10

I think it's desperate and tacky.

However I'd also walk away from any agency that wants 50k for adoption.

But I still wouldn't put a sign on my car. Ugh

Answer 11

A little tacky.  Definitely not the worst bumper sticker I've seen.

I don't get your point about selling.  Are lawyers that arrange divorces selling divorce?  Are ministers that get paid for a wedding selling marriage?

Its clear you don't understand the law.  Are you suggesting a lawyer provide their legal services for free?  The law is the mother can't receive money for the baby, not that other people can't receive money for arranging a legal and permanent adoption.

Answer 12

The sign is tacky, for sure.  But, I don't think the lawyers should work for free.  It's hard to say that they are charging too much, when I don't know for sure how much real time is actually spent working on each adoption.

Expecting#1, where do you live that you don't have to pay taxes for 5 years if you adopt?

Answer 13

she still has a back window??? obviously she didn't drive past my house.

and people wonder why they get scammed.

stank.

ETA:  and passing out business cards, telling young pregnant women that you envy them and to keep an "eye out" for "situations" is likwise...stank.

i have an idea...i have single friends who are looking to find a good partner, so should they walk up to a married woman and say, "hey, i envy your marriage...so...can i leave you a card in case you decide you don't want to be married anymore???"

same difference.

Answer 14

Like Expecting #1 said. International adoptions are $50,000, however local adoptions are much less.

I have adopted two kids in the US and it did NOT cost us $50,000 to adopt. But I see what yu mean.

I think that adoptions should be free, but they're not. It's hard though.