Adoption: Where do you stand?

Question

1. I love adoption and it's just fine the way it is.

2. Pro reform (support adoption, but see areas that need to be changed: open records; no pre-birth matches, etc.)

3. Abolish adoptions: no reform, straight abolition. Prefer kinship care or legal guardianship.

Or list your own, if I've missed one.

Also, state your reasons and what you would like to see change (or not change).

Me: Pro reform. I would like to see adoptees have an all access pass to their records. I would like to see the end of ammended birth certificates, meaning I would like the first parents names listed as well as the adoptive parents.

Answer 1

2.

as an adopted child there are things I need to know that I can't find out even though I know who and where my bio parents are....

i.e. medical info... bio parents should be required to comply with ANY and all requests for medical histories of self and other bio family members...

Answer 2

I live in Australia where all adoptions are open.

I have a sibling who is adopted, and enormously loved.

She see's her birth father once every 8 weeks.

Unfortunately, her birth mother dropped out of the system, so my sister hasn't seen her for a long time

I'd have to say that open adoptions are about the truth

Answer 3

Again, I am learning more every day, so my answer today is very different than it would have been a few weeks ago.  I never dreamed how deeply impacted adoptees are, even in the best of circumstances.  So, at this point, I still feel that adoption is sometimes the best option for a child whose safety and very life is at stake.  Even then, their lives will be greatly impacted by the loss, and by all the things that just accompany adoption by its very nature.  

I am all for reform.  It is greatly needed at so many levels.  Sealed records is barbaric and cruel.  And, there needs to be LOTS of education about adoption.  No more lies and fantasy about magically changing a child's life from poor little "cinder ella" into Princess Cinderella."  We a-parents can't magically erase the pain of adoption.  It's there, and it's real.  If adoption is the only chance a child has then it is necessary.  But a-parents need to be educated about the needs of adoptees, and begin early helping them find the healing, and helping them deal with all the many issues that come with adoption.  It's our obligation to these children we have chosen to love.  The best thing that has helped me is to listen to lots of adoptees and their stories.  It has changed my life forever.

Answer 4

Number one for me!

Answer 5

Hi Kazi,

You fall into the mainstream of what adult adoptees here feel - that adoption should be reformed, pre-birth matching should be abolished, and records should be accessible to the adoptee.  

I also agree with all of that too.  What I would have suggested on your list would be to encourage kinship care and guardianship in cases where that is possible because it is in the child's best interest.  That does not necessarily mean that all adoption should be abolished.  Many adoptions are not necessary though.

My reason for choosing reform is because I believe that honesty is the best policy.  It is time for the lies and secrecy of adoption to stop!  Thanks for asking.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 6

Me # 2

As for the first parents names listed as well on the birth certificate How would you feel as a child Each time you signed up for a sport, girl scouts etc you not only had to explain to your friends why yours is different but you also had to see the names of the people who abused you.

I would prefer not to have to see the name of the person that burnt cigarettes on my arm or sexually abused me

Answer 7

I am a 2- but not just for adoption...  for foster care as well.

Answer 8

I hate Adoption. But I believe there needs to be adoption for Orphans, abused children or other extraneous circumstances

But THATS IT

So Mine would be number 4 because its none of those 3

Answer 9

I am number 3.

I believe in abolishing the system and rebuilding it from the ground up. I do believe this will happen, it doesn't take a perfect world, and it will happen in my lifetime.

The system needs to be completely restructured so the kids who  need homes get em' and those who don't, stay w/ their families!

no private agencies

no non profit agencies

no for profit agencies

no private / independant adoptions

unconditional access to birth certificates for the adoptee AND surrendering parents

fees should never vary on race

no pre-birth relationships

mandatory parenting time after birth

available parenting assistance

open records / open adoption if adoption is a must

nobody should financially benefit off of the adoption of a child

( i'm inclined to say remove the money entirely but I haven't thought that part out in depth yet )

surrendering parents don't get to chose adoptive parents

adoptive parents don't get to chose child

Answer 10

I would love to see abortion abolished it is so wrong!!!

That child didn't ask for it's parents to be stupid and not use contraception

I think there should be special circumstances for abortion though for those who end up pregnant through rape and the morning after pill hasn't worked.

I would like to see adoption more affordable for those who would love to give a child a loving home but can't afford to.  Some may look at this and say if you can't afford to adopt then you cant afford to raise the child well that aint true!  I make enough money to raise a child and would love to adopt but don't have the money it takes to do so.

Yea anyway It probably will never happen :(

Answer 11

I have never really thaught about it until joining YA. You can put me in the Pro reform slot.

There are many things about adoption that need changing. I dont see adoption as a bad thing, aslong it is done for all the right reasons.

Answer 12

I am pro-reform.

Answer 13

Number 2, I thnik the biggest reform area needs to happen wth private adoption and with adoption agencies.

Answer 14

2-- Pro reform (support adoption, but see areas that need to be changed: open records; no pre-birth matches, etc.)

I think there needs to be vast changes in nearly every area of Adoption....  But, believe the only way it will be abolished is when there are No Children who need substitute parents.

*

Answer 15

I am super-pro adoption.  I wish people would stop creating more children until all the children without paretns had a set.

Instead of reforming I'd suggest we think of being more informed.  There are all kinds of misinformation floating out there.

Answer 16

3.  since that will likely not happen, 2.

Answer 17

I suppose i am the pre reform. I'm a birth mother to a wonderful 15 moth old girl. I have an open adoption with her and i see her on weekends. My daugther has a great life with 2 very special people and it does make me happy not only did i complete they're life but hers and i see that. Now here's the part where your all going to hate me. I do think that if the birth parents willingly dont want contact from them they shouldnt be forced into it. I think they should give all the medical history they can and write a letter to them explaining why they wish not to ahve contact. My friend found her b mom and was hoping for a tearful reunion got a door slammed in her face and b mom  said i dont know you or want to and i cant tell you how hurt she was. Like i said just my thoughts let the booing and thumbs down being

Answer 18

door no. 2...

and to return adoption to it's original purpose of providing homes for parentless children and not children for childless parents, for profit.

Answer 19

Between 2 and 3.  Number 2 also needs to include:

- better s*x education in schools

- health care reform.

- revision of educational materials for adoptive parents.  Need to be written and edited by adoptees, first families, and adoptive parents.  Materials need to stress loss.

- real counseling for expectant mothers instead of the standard adoption agency indoctrination BS

- "Birth" mother recruitment must be banned.  Especially, recruitment efforts in schools, hospitals, and doctor's offices.  Schools or health providers who keep files of solicitation letters should be fined.  If a woman questions her ability to parent, she needs to be referred to professional counselors, not handed over to those whose only interest is to take her baby.

I support adoption for cases of abandonment, abuse, or neglect.  Domestic infant adoption as implemented in the US is reprehensible and inhuman.

Kinship care is often an overlooked option in families who do not want to lose their children.  Grandparents and other relatives can get some of the same benefits that foster parents get.  Kinship care agreements open up several options for health insurance for the children.

ETA - Legally enforcable open adoption - for the sake of the child.  BOTH sets of parents must abide by their agreements.

Answer 20

I'd say 2.  I think opening the adoption records is a good idea.  I'm still iffy on the pre-birth matches; I can see both pros and cons to it.  

I don't think adoption should be abolished or "restricted" to only orphans or cases of abuse.  If a woman makes an informed decision to relinquish her child for adoption, the state has no business coercing her to parent or to place the child only with family.

Answer 21

For me, I'm kind of between 2 and 3.  I think adoption should ONLY be for children who need to be outside of their own family due to abuse and neglect, and when adoption is necessary, those children should have full access to their own information without restrictions (unless restrictions are imposed for safety reasons).  And adoption should only be an option for PAP's who have spent plenty of time learning about what it's like to be an adoptee, and people who are willing and able to understand that adoption does not create a family without first tearing one apart (even if it's necessary to tear the first family apart due, again, to abuse and neglect).

I think some MAJOR changes need to happen, and I would rather that most adoptions didn't happen at all.  I would gladly give up any chance I have at adding to my own family through adoption if it meant that adoption reform was well under way and heading in a positive direction for adoptees.