Adoption advice needed?

Question

I am 26 and married, and we have no kids of our own.

Last year, we discussed the possibility of gaining guardianship for a little girl who is living in a bus with her grandparents. They declined at the time, but today we got a phone call from them saying that the little girl is becoming too much trouble for the grandmother to handle while the grandfather is at work.

They thought about putting her into a foster home, then they remembered our offer. So it looks like we may have an 8 year old girl in our care very soon.

She is probably not up to her grade level so would probably need some effort to get her caught up educationally.

I am expecting difficult times behaviorally, because we know that there is a history of abuse, which is the reason she is not with her mother anymore.

If anybody could point me toward some informational resources that would help us prepare for this change, that would be great because I really do not know what to expect.

Answer 1

Hello,  go to www.kidstoadopt.org and there should be a phone number-they are in Washington and the people there are a wealth of knowledge.  They can certainly help you get in the right  direction.  (no I dont work for them or anything but they helped me adopt my daughter and are looking for another one for me)  I dont know if personally they will be able to do paperwork or anything-but they can tell you who to contact.

Good luck-also I adopted through what is called a disruption and there is a lot of emotional stuff going on and they also had answers, helped me to be prepared of what to expect etc.  So try it out-you dont have anything to lose!  Sheri

Answer 2

Oh wow......what a good thing both you and your husband are doing. We need more people like you in the world. I have found this website to be very helpful regarding adoption. Good luck to the both of you and your new family.

Answer 3

As I don't live in your state, I can not offer any real advice except my prayes

Answer 4

You should definitely consult with an attorney to make sure that everything is done properly so there aren't unpleasant surprises legally later on.

You can go to http://www.tapestrybooks.com/Default.asp... to find great books to read.  If you don't have a big budget to add books to your own collection, see if you can borrow them from the library & only buy the ones you know you'll read again & want to have on hand.

Go to http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist... to find your state's child welfare agency.  Contact them & ask them about adoptive and foster parent support groups.  It will be important for you to surround yourself with people who understand what you're going through.  These families will be beyond valuable to you for fellowship, support, advice and encouragement.

For the educational needs, just don't be afraid to advocate for your child.  Children who have neglectful or abusive pasts are more likely to need some kind of special help or accommodation in the school system.  We adopted internationally & one daughter is behind because she just lacks foundational skills and information (a little hard to do 7th grade math when you don't know how to divide!), our other adopted daughter has actual physiological difficulties with processing information (likely caused by the abuse she experienced early on).  

We called a meeting with our older daughter's teachers & talked to them about the fact that she was missing foundational pieces of information & asked them how we could best advocate to get her help to get those pieces in place.  They were able to add in a remedial reading and math course to her schedule (in place of her electives) so that the gap wouldn't be ever widening.  This has been very helpful.

It became apparent to us within the first couple of months of school that our younger daughter had some learning issues.  We talked with a friend of ours who is a special ed teacher, with a special needs advocacy group (Google to find one in your state), with the International Adoption Clinic (you could see if your child's doctor could help you) and with a social worker to pick their brains about the best way to proceed.  We called a meeting with her teachers & presented the information we found out.  It took some jumping through hoops b/c our daughter is receiving English Language Learner services & they don't typically do both simultaneously.  We finally worked through all the kinks though, and she was tested.  She tested into the special needs program but on the high end.  We're hoping that through continued support from the school system and from us that she will be able to test out of special ed sometime in the next few years.  She scored way low on logic but really high on memorization...so now we all (teachers & us) know that we need to hit the memorization of facts while we're working with her on developing logic.  She's doing great, now!

So...whether this little girl has "special needs" physiologically, psychologically or educationally...or if she is just missing some fundamental pieces of information...YOU CAN DO IT!  Just step in there & advocate for her.  Don't let go until you get what she needs -- like a pit bull! :-)

Answer 5

I would start by asking the grandmother to go with you to social services and talk to a social worker.  You should tell them that you are willing to take the little girl, but you are going to need help and recources that social services can provide.  With the history of abuse she will need therpy and special help getting caught up in school.  Foster Parent traning would be good for you and you hubby to learn how to help parent this young lady.  Good luck, and thanks for being welling to help this little girl.

Answer 6

i think u r doing a great thing.i would go to family counceling and also have counceling 4 the child alone c.thank god 4 counceling it works wonders good luck 2 u