Adoption advice?

Question

does anyone no how it feels when your real family try to make contact with you, i would like to no please as im looking for my sibling and would like to no what she is feeling

Answer 1

I don't know how it feels, but as a social worker who worked for a state placement service I can honestly say that children are placed for adoption for a lot of reasons--but I have yet to find one of them related to not wanting the child.  Birth parents place children for adoption if they are young and feel pressured by their own family members or because they believe they are just too young to be good parents.  Some children are placed for purely financial reasons--no job and no ability to meet the needs of a child.  Other couples may be going through a break up and neither can financially or emotionally care for a child.  Just because one child was kept does not mean another one was unwanted.  Children's Protective Services may remove a child from their birth parents because of drug abuse or violence or child neglect.  

I would advise you to work with a therapist before, during, and after a meeting with your birth parents.  Their emotions and expectations for an immediate connection may be overwhelming.  This is too big to do on your own or with a few friends or even with your adoptive parents.  It's just fine if you don't immediately connect with them emotionally because in many ways they are strangers.

I wish you the best!

Answer 2

It all depends on the circumstances of the adoption.  Since you are looking for your sibling, which one of you was adopted?  Do they know about you?  Is it  or could it become a problem between one of you and either your biological parents or adoptive parents?  Everyone's experience with this will be different because the circumstances of every adoption are different.

My boyfriend was adopted and while he would like to find his birth parents he knows enough about the circumstances under which the adoption took place to know that it would do more harm than good.  I know other people that were adopted  who now have regular contact with their biological parents and/or siblings.  It all depends on your individual situation.  If you want to pursue this, you should be prepared for every possible reaction.

Answer 3

Everyone reacts differently.  I contacted my first mother, not the other way around.  My brothers (the sons she raised) have been cordial with me.  We haven't formed fast friendships yet, but everyone has been very nice.  Others seem to connect with their siblings right away.  Still others find themselves rejected by their siblings.

What was hardest for me was not knowing.  I'm still looking for my first father, and I'm almost certain he has children.  I don't know what they'll think of me, or how they'll react, until I find them.  It can be horribly nerve-wrecking.  But I still want to know.  Even if it's bad.  

As a result, no one can be certain how their family will react when contacted.  My best advice is to find some support, prepare yourself for anything, and know that you aren't alone.  

Good luck to you.